Pregnancy: AKA Insanity
by Shenlong7
Summary: THird to the THeir Eyes Series and we go into Hinata's pregnancy and Naruto's trials of being Hokage. And Kiba's never ending struggle to get the lo mein that Hinata sent him for. All pairings from the first one and maybe new ocs. Better summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

Pregnancy: A.K.A Insanity

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto I just own Keiji since he is my character based off of me. As is Renji, but Neko belongs to the talented Kuinochi-Neko. Updates will be less frequent until I finish another story I'm doing called the Downward Spiral. Anyway I'll shut up and let you enjoy the story. See if the newly wedded couple can get through Hinata's mood swings, Naruto's new duties (and mountains of paper work), Hinata's odd cravings, and the ever looming threat of an old enemy or will they all go bat shit insane.

* * *

Dawn stretched her fingers over the landscape of Gakko Island, lighting up the sandy shore to make it look like it was gold, and waking up the happy inhabitants of the island. Well mostly happy, but for a group of travelers, the morning was a hassle caused by procrastination. They were so busy packing their luggage that they forgot to pack last night due to a wild party that one of them had thrown. The only two not needing to pack were two men who dressed in the same manner of clothing, which violated every law of fashion and straightness that there is in existence, and had the same hair style, which had been out of style for decades, of black bowl cuts. Something about the two was odd, like how they would sometimes call out each other's name and then hug in front of a sunset where ever they where, even if it was inside. Another thing that set them apart from their normal (more or less) comrades was their oversized eyebrows that looked like they could peeled off and used for as the rug in a doll house. Maybe the weirdest thing about them was that they always acted like they had been spending time on the crack pipe. Whenever anyone saw them, they were hyper active and either bouncing off the fucking walls or doing the infamous nice guy poses, which was something akin to seventies cheerleaders or sailor moon. That morning they were trying to help people with their packing, but their natural happy go lucky, lame, completely flamboyant nature, and the crack that was streaming through their blood stream, or bouncing around to be more accurate, made them completely annoying.

"PLEASE WHY DON'T I HELP WITH YOU WITH THAT, KEIJI-SAN," asked Gai in a very loud voice and unfortunately Keiji was dealing with a raging hangover. The end result was the unleashing of the wrath of Keiji and such a wrath would mean the death of many or just the death of the person or persons who had caused his wrath. Such a person would have been Gai had Anko not stopped him. Anko was one of the few people in pervious to his wrath besides Kakashi, Gaara, Naruto, Tsunade, and the people who ran Ichiruka Ramen. Keiji had become addicted to ramen somehow.

"I'LL KILL HIM," shouted Keiji as he reached out for Gai with his claws extended, ready to cut Gai in two. Gai, however, was oblivious to the fact that Keiji was angry due to a combination of a belief of good in people and the fact that he was missing a few brain cells.

"I shall accept you challenge when we get back to the village," said Gai, flashing his nice guy pose and extremely crest whitening smile, blinding Keiji with the bright sunlight that was reflected on his teeth.

"My eye," cried Keiji as he clutched his perfect wolf eyes that had now been damaged by Konoha's Noble Green Best. This had pissed Anko off since Keiji was the one packing for her and now she would have to do the packing now, which unleashed the infamous wrath of Anko. Now Gai wasn't oblivious to this or else he would have died a long time ago, but now he was sure that if he didn't get out the range of a thousand miles away, he would be dead.

"YOU MOTHER FUCKER," shouted Anko in a rage that had so much blood lust in it that the king of Hell locked his doors and hid under his own bed. Gai was all the way in Konoha now and with him was his student, Rock Lee, who thought that this was some form of training. The others would have come to thank Anko for driving away the friendly green menace (I don't know if those words could be used in the same sentence), but she was still pissed and frankly, she scared everyone, including me. She helped Keiji up to his feet and started stroking his hair as he lay there until his eyes could regain their sight. "Don't worry Keiji-kun, I'm sure your eyes will return to regular vision soon."

"Thank you, Anko-chan," replied Keiji as he held her hand and then started to use his hearing and sense of smell to determine where clothes and people were.

* * *

Naruto was sitting playing his guitar that he had made during a mission to bring the funk to a village. It was the second best mission; the first best was a mission in which he had to mediate relations between two twin sisters and he wound up getting the second best ramen in the world. He was singing drive when he heard Hinata throwing up again, her morning sickness that he always helped her with using his Kyuubi powers. Walking into the bathroom with one of his hands charging with the kyuubi power to massage her stomach and calm her, stopping the bile from rising inside of her throat. He moved to kiss her, but she pushed him away so she could rinse her mouth out. Smiling she gave him a nice kiss as they fell on the bed and Naruto started to undress her when she stopped him from doing that and pointed at the luggage.

"You promised to get that done before breakfast," said Hinata with a stern look on her face, as if she was a school teacher. "We will be leaving an hour after we have breakfast and I am not being the cause of holding them up!"

"Yes honey," said Naruto, who got to work on packing, big time, in fear of being on the business end of his wife's gentle fist, which was anything but gentle. He was finished in the blink of an eye and when he finished he tried to get back into what they were doing, but Hinata pushed him back again, but she accidently used her gentle fist.

"Oops, I'm sorry Naruto-kun," said Hinata as she helped him up with a worried look on her face. "I'm sorry, it's just that when Hyuuga women get pregnant, we lose control of our powers and well I didn't mean to hurt you Naruto-kun..I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Hinata-chan," said Naruto as he tried to grab onto her again, but she moved out fo the way causing him to fall onto his face.

* * *

For breakfast, they went over to a sushi place because Hinata was having a craving for sushi and had been talked out of her craving for fugu. At the sushi restaurant they were having a wonderful time telling stories about missions and old times when they looked at the clock in the diner and realized that they were going to be late if they didn't hurry. Leaving the money on the counter and taking their plates they ran to the airport where their luggage had already been dumped off. Now the guards at the gate where happy that day, even the guy who usually validated passes was off sick and they had to have every person take any metal objects off, regardless of if they had a pass or not. The reason they were happy was because they didn't expect the gang of ninja to be there that day since they were told that Naruto's group would be coming tomorrow, but little did they know, they were given false information on purpose and that the guy who regulated passes had called in sick after being persuaded to do so. All of this was done by the hands of the cruel Keiji, who took pleasure in making the life of that particular guard a living hell. Now the guard was just finishing with someone when Keiji came up, but the guard didn't notice him.

"You look happy today," said Keiji with a smile as the guard sent his luggage through.

"Well the spawn of evil isn't here to give me trouble on the one day that the man who checks passes isn't here," replied the guard. It was then that Keiji dropped an atom bomb on him, which was his suna head band and an actual bomb. The guar looked at Keiji in shock and the screamed at the top of his lungs as he saw Renji and Tenten there, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

When the plane got off Kiba thought he'd make some jokes about Hinata's eating habits, which was a mistake to mess with a girl when all the other girls were there including his own girlfriend, and also Hinata's husband, the new Hokage and the Kyuubi, was sitting right next to her. Kiba had no idea what he was getting himself into, but that will make his story in this story. (I have no idea if that sentence is grammatically correct, but my computer says it is so, screw it.) He leaned over the seat as he grinned like the Cheshire cat, and Neko could tell that he was walking into a landmine zone.

"Well I do hope that you don't have any strange cravings on the plane Hinata-san," laughed Kiba as he hung over her chair. Kiba loved getting under people's skine when he felt that he could get away with it, but someone should have told him, you can never get away from a pregnant woman. Then he did the dumbest shit he could have ever done. "Especially since all of the girls on this plane can't cook, even my Neko, what a shame."

"Well then Kiba," said Hinata as she cracked her knuckles, along with every other kunoichi on the plane, "I guess I have to get you to find me what I'm craving for then and I think I have a craving for something rare, like lo mein at Wong Chai, in the mist country."

"Please, how would I get there, ever think of that," asked Kiba as he sat back in his chair looking all smug.

* * *

"When did you get planes that doubled as deployment planes for troops," asked Kiba over the roar of the wind as the aircrafts deployment opening opened itself up in midair. The flight attendant just shrugged and pushed Kiba forward into the windy sky with his parachute.

* * *

So people asked for this after I ended the second story. I will be turning THeir Eyes into a series,w ith prequels as well dealing with KEiji and Anko's relationship and where it all started. Tell me what you thought of the first chapter. 


	2. Second oneForgot the title

Chapter 2: Back at Konoha

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters. I had Anko, but their turned out to be a few law discrepancies and I'd rather not talk about the shootout in the burning hospital.

* * *

The most of the people on the plane were snoring, much to the chagrin of Keiji who was looking forward to getting back a lot of the sleep he lost, but it would seem that no one would let him do it. His wife, Anko, had a habit of running her hands all over him in her sleep, which got him excited in every way possible, and the person right next to him, Sakura, talked in her sleep about pointless shit that only pissed him off. Unfortunately, Keiji couldn't just hit and make her shut up or do something like that, he didn't want to end like Kiba who was probably landing in god knows where. He tried anything to get the sound of Sakura's voice talking about nothing in particular, but nothing was working since he had already given the kids the PSP. Looking for anything, he wasn't picky, he looked out the window and saw something odd out there, something that looked like a man, but it looked so weird. He closed his eyes, thinking there couldn't be a strange creature on the plane's wing, but he when he opened his eyes there wasn't one creature, there were two. A sense of dread dropped down into the pit of his stomach as he buzzed the stewardess to inform her of the odd things that were jumping up and down on the plane wing.

* * *

"Come Lee, we must do a thousand jump ropes before this plane reaches ground or else we will have to run a million laps around Konoha," said Gai over the roar of the plane's engine as he jumped rope with his pupil.

"I think I can see Keiji-san in the window," said Lee happily as he bounced up and down on the plane while waving to Keiji.

* * *

"Stewardess there's a man out there," said Keiji as he pointed out the window towards the strange creature, but the stewardess refused to look, thinking Keiji was crazy.

"Look buddy if you're going to have hallucinations then you better get one of those strait jackets," said the stewardess before Keiji pulled her head down, forcing her to look outside and her scream woke up Anko, who saw the sight of Keiji pulling the stewardess's head down dangerously close to his private zone.

"Just what exactly are you doing there dear," asked Anko angrily as she nearly twisted his ear off.

"Ow ow ow," cried Keiji as he pointed out the window. "Some strange creature of unknown origin is outside with what I think is its son and they're jumping on the wing of the plane or I'm high."

"It sounds like your high," muttered Anko as she sighed and turned to look out to see wo was out there. At first she thought they were aliens, but she then recognized them as Gai and Rock Lee, who the courts were still out on. "How the hell did those two get out there?"

"You know those two," asked the stewardess as she looked at Anko as if she had just come off a space ship, which would probably be fair since she said she knew Gai and he looked like he fell from friggin mars.

"Unfortunately," sighed Anko as she motioned for Gai and Rock Lee to come in through the back way, much to the chagrin of Keiji, who realized that if Rock Lee and Gai were going to be on bored, he would never get any sleep.

"Couldn't we just let them stay out there, I mean it's not like they're bothering anybody," said Keiji as he rolled his eyes in frustration. "If that man gets on this plane, none of us are ever going to sleep a wink. For five hours we're gonna be listening to him talk about his exercising or about Lee or his god damn flames of youth. Do you honestly think my sanity could survive that type of torture?"

"When did you get sanity," asked Anko as she went back to looking at the weapons catalogue she got in the mail each month. "First off, they might take off the wing if they jump too much or land too hard and then you could see how good you sleep with the plane going down. Second, if we saw them and didn't let them on, Tsunade would cut off our asses and hang them over her fire place, which none of us would want even though it would be something good to show off for once. Third, he will only annoy you if he's conscious."

Her last words rang out his head as he soon got a wonderful idea, he got an awful idea, he got a wonderful, awful idea. Taking out the spare copy of the screen play for Titanic that he always read when he had trouble sleeping, Keiji waited for the teacher and student to get on the plane before he put the piece of paper into their hands and as soon as they started reading, they found their eyelids getting heavier with each sentence. And so was the flame of youth defeated by the boring overrated romance story that lasts too long. Cheerfully in triumph, Keiji walked back to his seat to find Anko already stretched out on the seats, forcing him to sit by the new couple, Konohamaru and Hanabi, who were so cute of a couple that Keiji couldn't help but feel the bile rising in his throat whenever he saw them acting all luvy-duby. Plus there was the fact that they saw him as the reason for them getting together and kept expressing their profound thanks to him, which would normally make Keiji feel good inside, but after they had been doing it for two days straight, Keiji had begun to develop a head ache whenever he heard one of them say thank you.

* * *

"Well I guess it's time for me to get into Hokage business," said Naruto as he walked towards the Hokage's office as the men passed by him with all of Tsunade's things that were previously in the office.

He started whistling a tune to himself not knowing that he was off key by a slim margin of a thousand miles and was causing the movers to go mad from hearing his tone deaf whistling. It wasn't until Tsunade pointed out his musical failing via a fist to the face that Naruto stopped whistling all together. Taking in a deep breath, Naruto placed his hand on the door, marking his first day as Konoha's Hokage, having been inaugurated a minute after getting off the pain. It wouldn't have been so inconvenient if he didn't have to pee so badly, but he had to be immediately led to the inauguration chambers and deliver a speech that he had been going over in his mind, along with deciding what type of ramen he should eat for lunch. Most of the people who had been on the plane with him could tell he rushed it at the last minute, but to the village elders and everybody else it was the most artistically crafted speech in the history of Konoha.

"Well go ahead and open the door Gaki," shouted Tsunade who was waiting to collect Shizune who had stayed behind with Iruka to take care of the Hokage paperwork while she was gone. "I've got to meet with Sagat in an hour and I want to get Shizune. Her and Iruka are coming with us on a double date so the longer you take finding the balls to open that door is the time you're taking away from my patience."

"Okay fine just don't run me over," said Naruto as he opened the door to reveal a pissed off Shizune and Iruka, standing in the room with a shit load of paper work in the out section. "Hey guys, we're back."

"Yes I can see that," said Shizune whose eyes were white with rage as she walked up to Naruto. "Do you know how long we were here? Do you know how much paper work we had to sort through while we were gone? That stack there is just from the last two days and you've been gone for three weeks."

Tsunade had left while they were busy threatening Naruto, who was forced to calm the two ninja's down and offered them a three weeks paid vacation. When they finally left, still a bit miffed by having to give up three weeks of their life, Naruto sat down at his desk to look out the window where they had already gotten started carving his face into the mountain. _They're __gonna__ run out of mountain soon_, mused Naruto as he laughed at the idea of the Hokage having to find some other way to leave mementos of the Hokage. He decided to have that be the second thing he do as Hokage, to find another way of making sure the Hokage after him were remembered and then he looked on his desk to see what the first thing would be. Adding onto the fact that most of the paper work the Hokage did was pointless crap, he also knew that he would get war reports and classified documents. The piece of paper on his desk was nothing like either of them; it was the document for the next Chunin exams. He let out a sigh of frustration as he would have to look through all the applications and decide who was going to be assigned to be proctors and the part of the exam that they would do. He knew that Kakashi hadn't served as a proctor once, always finding some way to get out of it, but right now he was without a good reason to get out of it. The third exam could be done by anyone, but he thought he'd have Shino look over that. This left two exams and Naruto decided to put Kakashi in charge of the first part of the exam, meaning he would have to work on drafting the exam.

"But there is still a second part," sighed Naruto as he looked through the applications and one application caught his eye as he looked at Keiji's application. Due to the alliance and marriage that Keiji had with Anko and Konoha, he could serve as a proctor and had to if asked. That day, Keiji had joked that some of the "give my life to protect my village" mantra in Naruto's speech was the corniest and most clichéd thing he had ever heard. "Now we see who will have the last laugh."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The long Awaited Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters of Naruto. All OC's besides Neko belong to me. Also I'm going to bringing another OC of mine that is also based off of me. For all of you who didn't read Kiss the Demons Out of My Dreams or any of the other, non-Their Eyes series fan fictions, Shenlong is coming.

* * *

Kiba didn't know where he was when he landed on the ground, just that it was somewhere between Gakko Island and Konoha, and that he had a mission, should he choose to want it or not. Normally his Hokage would have given him the mission, but this time he was given the mission by the Hokage's wife and a bunch of pissed of kuinochi that pushed him off the plane. Kiba stretched a bit as he felt his back slide back into place and he started to walk towards the nearest town, which was a town known as Dankin town, an assortment of cut throats, ruffians, degenerates, scumbags, rapists, arsonists, murderers and other criminals, all packed into one town. It was worse than South Central. Of course Kiba was oblivious to all of this and went on his way to the town, whistling a show tune as he walked, which unfortunately was against the law of the town. There were a lot of people watching from inside their houses or gutters that were cracking their knuckles as he passed by, but one man seemed to be following Kiba behind his dark sunglasses and he seemed to tighten his grip on his sword hilt.

* * *

Keiji enjoyed his marriage with Anko every little thing about it from their kids to the arguments that they had, which he would always lose because he didn't feel like going at it with her if she'd pull a kunai on him. One could say that Keiji was whipped like whipped cream or pudding or anything whipped, but what they are omitting is that not only could Anko was quite adept at using a blade and was often coming in first at kunai contests. Another reason Keiji let Anko win was because she could make him want sex, she knew every way to turn him on and boy did she know how to use it to her advantage. The twins, both being now at the age of twelve, knew what their parents had in mind when they looked at each other in a certain way and they didn't hesitate to leave the house when their parents got that look. As soon as Keiji and Anko got their luggage to their bedroom they both looked at each other with eyes full of lust and the twins had the sudden urge to go to the movies with their friends. As soon as their parents starting kissing the twins ran out the house, leaving the loving husband and wife to start wrestling with their tongues while groping each other and then Keiji was pushed on the bed while Anko got on top to straddle him.

"Well who would have thought you would become an uke," laughed Anko as she leaned down to kiss him on the part where his neck met his chin, his weak spot that made him gasp in pleasure. "Well someone liked that didn't they?"

"Yes, more please," gasped Keiji with a smile as he tenderly stroked Anko's cheek before moving his hands down to grab one of her breasts, a weak spot on any woman. "Well someone liked that didn't they?"

He might have gone farther if there wasn't a knock at the front door, but there was and he was force to get up and answer the door sense he was the most clothed. _This better be fucking important to tear me away from my wife right when we were in the heat of the moment, _thought Keiji as he opened the door to see Genma standing there asking for him. Keiji decided to spare his life since they were friends and if he was here then it meant that he was ordered here and probably from Naruto, the new Hokage of Konoha. Genma was dressed in the typical leaf uniform with the usual leaf hanging out of his mouth, but he had a look of fear in his eyes that Keiji decided didn't mean anything good for him.

"So what is it that you disturbed me for, Genma," asked Keiji in as calm a manner as he could speak, but his shirt was wrinkled and a bit unbuttoned so Genma could tell that he had interrupted something very important.

"Your presence is requested by the Hokage and he ask that you come alone and dressed in uniform," said Genma, even though he knew that Keiji hated the fact that he couldn't get one of the new uniforms like Kakashi had, the all black kind with black vests.

"I'm off duty," replied Keiji as he still raged inside about not being able to wear his own uniform like Kankuro, Temari, or the other wolf related suna ninja, Shenlong.

"That's what the Rokudaime said so you'll have to take it up with him," said Genma as he turned and left in a hurry, probably because he found a good looking girl that he wanted to flirt with.

"I have to dress in that damn blue uniform, even when it's my day off," cursed Keiji as he walked upstairs and put on the uniform, noting that everyone knew that he hated the color blue, considering it a make believing it to be an imitation of black. He could be a difficult person most of the time.

Grudgingly Keiji walked over to the Hokage's office noticing that the ANBU were playing poker with Tsunade and oddly enough losing, which Keiji marked down in his symbols of the apocalypse notebook. There was only one person that he knew that had lost at a game of poker with Tsunade was Shenlong, but in Shenlong's defense, he didn't know how to play poker and was often confused as what to do with his cards. He was the best Black Jack player of his day, but he sucked at poker mostly due to his being raised by wolves, which also had given him many other quirks. His depravity was caused by him being an experiment of Orochimaru's with human genes and he was the unsurprising sadist, often leaving many corpses horribly mutilated. But Keiji wasn't thinking about this, he was wondering why he had been summoned by the Hokage and that's when he remembered what time of the year it was.

"Please come in, Keiji-san," said Naruto as he grinned at Keiji, noting the gulp he gave. "Now it has come to my attention that you are under obligation of marriage to serve as a proctor for the chunin exams. So, seeing as how you aren't busy for this time of year, I will be using your obligation to serve as the proctor for the second part of the chunin exam. That is all."

"Why do I have to be the damn proctor for the stupid snot nosed little bastards," asked Keiji in a pout as he rubbed his temples at the thought of having to come up with an exam and make it original without being too hard on the kids. "Whose doing the first part?"

"Kakashi," replied Naruto as he pointed outside of his window to a fuming Kakashi. "You two should get together and plan for the exam. Now if you'll excuse me, now is the time I have lunch."

Lunch would usually involve Ichiruka ramen and the members of ANBU knew that they would be there a while as Naruto ate his usual fifteen bowls of ramen, but Naruto was planning on doing something different today. On his way down the hallway he saw Neko sending a carrier raven off to someone and he searched his mind trying to find out who he knew used a messenger raven because it wasn't Kiba. It was then that he noticed Akamaru lying on one side as the Neko's kittens snuggled up to his belly, a cute sight to say the least and would make up for the fact that Kiba wasn't there. Neko seemed to be a bit worried about Kiba, having sent him off with nothing but the kunai and shuriken that he had on him and his wits. Anyone would be worried for Kiba in any situation where he had to use his wits.

"Who are you sending messages to," asked Naruto as he walked over to pet one of the kittens before petting Akamaru.

"My big brother, he's over near where Kiba should have landed and I've asked him to help Kiba get back here as soon as possible," said Neko cheerfully as she picked up a black kitten with yellow eyes and put it on her head. "I'm certain my big brother will help Kiba like he helped me when I was an orphan."

"You were an orphan?"

"You didn't know that," replied Neko with a cocked eye brow. "I was orphaned and kidnapped by some guy running from Suna when my big brother came and saved me from them. He's not really my big brother, more of my sensei since he taught me most of my fighting skills, but he acted so much like a big brother that I started calling him big brother."

* * *

Kiba didn't know how he had gotten into the mess he was in, but as soon as he walked into a bar to ask for directions, he was being attacked by multiple assailants, all ugly and some with very over sized pompadours. At first Kiba was handling himself well, beating a few back with his wild fighting style, but then they pulled out their swords and the leader took center stage with his long, three bladed sword. The sword cam down and Kiba did what every man does when he's looking death in the eyes. He averted his eyes and made a funny face, but he had done so in vain because the sword never touched him. Kiba looked up to see a tall man with dark sunglasses, blond hair, and dressed in black blocking the gang leader's sword with his own sword.

"This many against one man, I thought even garbage had a sense of shame," said the man as he pushed back the leader. The two gang members that sprang at the man were cut down in the blink of an eye.

"Who are you," asked Kiba as he looked at the man in the dark sunglasses.

"I'm Shenlong," replied the man.

* * *

"Your big brother is Shenlong," exclaimed Naruto as he stared in disbelief at Neko, the fact that she could be the student of that psychotic wolf was just too mindboggling. "Are you serious? A sweet girl like you has ties with that sadist?"

"Hey, don't talk bad about my sensei," said Neko as she put her hand to her hips. "Shenlong's got a good side to him, you just don't see it often."

"I've never seen it," replied Naruto as he wondered how much better off Kiba was.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Wolf

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and I believe everyone knows which characters I'm using.

* * *

Kiba could only look at the Suna jonin that was standing in front of him and slowly the name of Shenlong started to register in his mind as he remembered a certain jonin in Suna by the name who had been an escaped experiment of Orochimaru's. If he was remembering correctly, Shenlong was raised by wolves and as such could call upon them for help as well transform into something of a wolf, which made cleaning up after his missions a bit sickening. Of course, he was one of the Legendary Seven swordsmen and had the ability to cut anyone he wanted into ribbons with just the flick of his wrist, well mostly anyone, but he was still pretty cool. The man had a habit for wearing all black and this moment was no exception for he was wearing his trademark black leather trench coat over a leather vest and with black leather pants. Needless to say, when admitted to having a thing for leather no one was that surprised and was unaffected by the announcement. They were more concerned with a possible announcement that Shenlong had gone over the deep end mostly because people didn't think he had that much sanity to begin with and if he lost it, there would be a lot of deaths before anyone coulod subdue him. For now, he was on Kiba's side and Kiba was at least certain that he wanted Shenlong there to help him, for now at least.

"You son of a bitch," spat the leader of the gang before looking to his men. "What the fuck are you all waiting for? Kill this impudent bastard!"

"Hold on a sec," said Shenlong as he reached into his pocket to find something and came out with a kunai in his hand as he spun to a fighting position. "Sorry, it's the smallest thing I have unless you care to lend me a nail filer, but then again there are a lot of you cockroaches so I should probably use two kunai. What do you think Kiba?"

"Couldn't you use your sword to kill them so we don't spend an hour," asked Kiba as he looked at the Black Wolf as he was called and he sighed as he remembered that Shenlong was supposed to have a gigantic ego.

"Don't get cock you bastard," shouted one of the gang members as he lunged for Shenlong was immediately killed by the kunai in Shenlong's left hand.

Then it just broke out into all out chaos with Shenlong right in the middle, parrying each sword thrust and cut all the while staying in a spinning motion so that he could go on the counter attack at any moment. Kiba was keeping up with his own attackers, kicking one man in the stomach while using said stomach as the concrete to push himself off for a flip kick to the goon behind him. Unlike Shenlong, he wasn't planning anyone, but he could kill if he needed to he just didn't need to do it right now. Kiba noticed two sword bearing opponents so he decided to take one of the clubs that the goons had and threw it at one of the swordsman, but the swordsman dodged it easily. Kiba then followed up the attack and the kicked him in the face, but he was left open for the other swordsman who gave him a shallow cut on the back that stung like fuck. Rebounding off the body of one Shenlong's victims, Kiba flipped back to kick the swordsman dead in his chest and grabbed one of the swords that were on the floor. Using his skills with a sword that he had developed from spending time with his girlfriend Neko, who was very skilled with a katana, but that was to be expected from a student of one of the Legendary Swordsmen.

Shenlong himself was cutting up many bodies with his twin kunai and as he was going around, he kept his eyes one the leader of the gang, who was practically shitting his pants. A man with a windmill shuriken tried to strike at Shenlong, but Shenlong simply side stepped the attack and stabbed the man twice and then cut his throat. It would probably go down as over kill but Shenlong wanted to make sure that he wouldn't get up and become a problem. The next man that got in his way was slaughtered in two seconds and the other two in front of the leader were impaled on wall by the kunai. The leader of the gang, a man by the name of Minakoto, which Shenlong mistranslated to mean "Mino's Vagina" for some odd reason that only he would know, but that is neither here nor there in this story. Reaching back, Shenlong pulled his sword out of the floor and spun it around in the air by the cloth that was tied on the handle. Minakoto had his own sword back, but waited for Shenlong to stop twirling his own sword in the air before he rushed to attack, but he found that Shenlong was faster, opting to side step the vertical slash, letting it pass by him while he just simply stood there and waited for Minakoto to follow up his attack. Most of the attacks were just horizontal slashes that were easily dodged, but Shenlong would parry sometimes and when he did that he would leave small cuts on Minakoto's skin. It was obvious to anyone that Shenlong was just toying with him and that only made Minakoto's strikes faster and less accurate so that sometimes Shenlong could just stand there and the blade would just pass by him.

"Is that all you have, I must admit I'm a bit disappointed in your strikes," said Shenlong as he hung his sword over his left shoulder and put his hand to his head in annoyance. "I'm going to have to spar with Keiji when I get to Konoha if I want to get some real exorcise I guess because you are just fucking weak, so much that I'm considering letting you go."

Minakoto, at the end of his patience, did his two handed sword thrust, pushing the tip of his sword right into Shenlong's stomach as he grinned at Shenlong. Shenlong just sighed and knocked Minakoto back with a powerful punch. He then proceeded to pull the sword out of his stomach and then picked up his own sword as he slowly stepped toward the cowering gang leader. Inside the mind of the scared man was only the thought, _he's not human. No one could have acted like that with my sword thrust._

"How the hell are you even still alive after I stabbed you like that," asked Minakoto as he saw Shenlong getting into a sword cutting position. "No one human could have survived that, it's just impossible to survive that."

"That's right," said Shenlong as he gave a wicked smirk and instead of cutting started to morph into a werewolf and what happened next would give Kiba nightmares for a long time.

* * *

"Okay, name someone who would be good at scaring the living shit out of kids," asked Keiji as he started writing things down in his notebook.

"Hmm," said Kakashi as he stroked his chin and he suddenly got a wonderful idea. "Shenlong We could have Shenlong in the Forest of Death and then he would take the kids out, one by one."

"That is a good idea," said Keiji as he wrote that name down. "Now then, we need some people to be on the lookout during the exam part and then we can really nail those kids by noticing everything and putting really hard questions that only the brainiest genin would know."

"Yes, excellent," said Kakashi.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter…damn forgot the chapter number.

Disclaimer: Warning you just bought hotpockets……I mean I do not own Naruto or any of the characters of said anime slash manga. No, I swear to drunk I'm not god.

* * *

Kakashi looked into his vast mind of ideas for things that could scare the kids or scar the little bastards for life and he was doing this while writing down each idea down on his special "ways to make sure I never have to do this or jury duty again" list. It was one of those special lists that he kept like his lists of people to kill before he died, which mainly consisted of one name being repeated over again, "Matio _Gay."_ That was the nickname that the village had given Gai after the many times that he and his student, whom people were quite sure was his "Robin," had been seen hugging in front of a sunset that was oddly enough appearing everywhere, even inside. Most of the people around Kakashi's desk were wondering why he was laughing maniacally while writing down, but they quickly decided that they didn't want to know what the mad genius as he was called, for this wasn't the first time he made such a list, was up to. The last person who tried to find out was beaten so senselessly that he couldn't remember who he was or even what country he was from and therefore thought he was a Vietnamese prostitute, even though there was no such place as Vietnam. Ibiki, a veteran proctor of two years of experience, was helping Kakashi with this since he also knew why Kakashi hated doing it. Ibiki had never willingly served as a proctor and was forced both times, the first time he had to go soft because the Sandaime didn't want him to damage an entire generation of genin, but the next time he let loose on the kids and only five teams went to the next exam.

"You know maybe we could use Gay and Lee for the first exam," said Ibiki as he wrote down the idea on the paper with a very sadistic glint in his eye. "You could use your reputation for being late and show up during the night while the kids will have to stay there even if you show up the next night. In fact you should arrive at midnight and then in the middle of the test have Gai burst into challenge you to a match, maybe spout off some crap about the Flames of youth that will drive the kids insane. Then have Lee burst in and they do their mysterious sunset jutsu."

"Yeah that's good," replied Kakashi as he wrote that down and then he got a sure fire way to make sure he would never be called on to do it again. "I think I'll also bring my most perverted Ich Icha book to read out loud during the test and see who doesn't cry out in outrage or get's scarred for life."

"And here I thought I was the master of torture," laughed Ibiki as he looked over to where Keiji was sleeping with his head down. "What ace does he have up his sleeve that he can sleep like that?"

"He's planning on putting the kids to the Forest of death," replied Kakashi in a "doesn't really matter " tone, but then he added, "He's going to have Shenlong helping him out with the test as well."

"You mean he's going to put the biggest sadist in Suna in the Forest of Death to attack unsuspecting kid," asked Ibiki as he looked at the jonin sitting right across from him. "That's going to make us look like better proctors just if he goes in there to hunt the kids, but he's going to do more than that."

"Well we both will be barred from doing this ever again just by how many genin pass this exam, in fact we don't expect anyone to make it to the third exam just by how tough the first two are going to be."

"I wouldn't be surprise if the parents try to run us out of town, well all of us except Shenlong, he'll just eat them."

"He's not a cannibal, unless of course he loses it and then goes into true form in which everyone within a twelve mile radius who doesn't have a friendly scent to them," replied Kakashi as he leaned back in his chair and tried to get some other ideas for his devious plot that would unfold soon.

* * *

"What the hell," exclaimed Naruto as he looked through the stack of papers on his desk, all of them signed with some form of crude writing that wasn't his own and each decision made for the document was one that would cause trouble in Konoha had the person come and picked them up. "I'm so freakin' glad no one came to pick these up……, but now I have to do them again!"

"Oh I see you changed your headband again, Hokage-sama," said the ANBU guard as he walked in to pick up the papers and his comment might have just brushed off the raging Hokage if not for the fact that he was searching through the ANBU's words for any indication that there had been an imposter had been there.

"What do you mean that I changed my headband again," asked Naruto as he looked seriously at the ANBU guard, his eyes boring a hole into the ANBU's skull.

"When I came in here ten minutes ago I noticed that you had on your old blue headband, sir," replied the frightened ANBU, apparently it was his first day and someone had made the mistake of putting him in the position of protecting the most important person in Konoha. "That was an imposter wasn't it?"

"Go get others to search for a look alike of me and tell them that he's wearing a blue headband," ordered Naruto as he started on fresh paper to fill out all of the papers he had been doing before, this time with the added speed of a man hoping that his enemies hadn't already signed the village's death warrant.

* * *

It was a dangerous town that got more dangerous at night for some strange reason that alluded Kiba at the moment, he was just trying to think of how he was going to get the lo mein since he had no money on him and he didn't want to be in anymore debt to Shenlong. The man was an enigma that Kiba was still trying to figure out if he wanted to know him or not, but after seeing the man in action and seeing the great lengths he took to get the maximum bleeding, Kiba had grown sure that he did want to know something about the guy. He wanted something that would make everything clear to him so Shenlong wouldn't seem like some murderous freak that killed people for sheer pleasure. As it turned out, Kiba saw that the good in Shenlong was his girlfriend, Yuki, who had been helping him since he was first found in the forest, a beast that killed any and everything that came into his territory save fore wolves. If there was any good to be found in Shenlong, Kiba knew it was because of her, she would kep that good alive in him and keep those nightmares away from him. When he looked at the way he would brush his hand against her dirty blond hair, he saw the almost childlike innocent way he looked at her, as if it was a memory of a less dark time in his life. Even when they fought over how to cook something they did it in a logical way and didn't raise their voices showing how they cared for the other enough so that they wouldn't raise their voice. One surprising thing about Shenlong that Kiba had never seen in Keiji, was that Shenlong could win arguments by making everything complex and then telling his opponent just how much damage they could do if they went with their current goal.

"No you should stir it counter clockwise so that it goes with the flow of the fish," said Yuki as she started to stir the pot, but Shenlong still thought counter clockwise since he believed that ramen had nothing to do with fish.

"The ocean is filled with fish eating fish, if the fish could scream the ocean would be loud as fuck," retorted Shenlong as he slowly stirred the pot counterclockwise. "Besides, fish and ramen are two different things and I'm the better ramen cook so therefore I win."

"You just added something that doesn't have anything to do with ramen and then claimed victory for yourself as if you made a point," commented Kiba as he looked at Shenlong with that look that says "I can't believe that you're this genius." He was immediately silenced by death glares from Shenlong that sent chills down his spine and he had nearly assumed the fetal position to cower from the jonin.

"That was exactly the point I was about to make," said Yuki triumphantly as she stood proudly above the rest, but Shenlong just sighed and proceeded to win the argument.

"Your whole argument is fishing, which has nothing to do with ramen period, but my argument is that I should know because I'm a better cook than you," retorted Shenlong with his arms crossed, but there would be no more arguing since the ramen was already done and Yuki had secured a surprise victory by stirring the ramen clockwise the whole time. "Okay that has got to be cheating, you cannot force your way on me, which would be communism."

"Oh please, you're just mad that I beat you at something once again," said Yuki with her tongue stretched out, but she soon found herself being tickled by the skilled hands of Shenlong as he moved all over tickling all of her. "Okay, stop! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, please stop!"

"Fine then I guess I can let you win this time," said Shenlong as he gave her a kiss on the neck before going back to turning on the TV and sharpening a blade in his lap. The TV had a commercial for it that was for a product that could get hard to reach plants for four easy payments of $19.95. "Who the hell makes their plants hard to reach? That's just mean. 'I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you and hopefully someone makes a product before you shrivel up and die. Think like a cactus.' And what do they mean easy payments, I'd like to see a product with three easy payments and one complicated one. 'We're not going to tell you which one, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch. The mail man will got shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination.'"

"So where is the place I have to get the lo mein from," asked Kiba as he looked at Shenlong and Shenlong didn't bother to look back.

"It's right down the street, we'll get it tomorrow and then we'll go to Konoha," replied Shenlong as he pointed to the bags. "It's time for me to go back to take my wife back to Suna."

"Your wife…Neko just said she was your girlfriend," said Kiba as he clung to the couch in shock.

"Not anymore" was the reply as he brought his hand up to show the ring.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Wolf versus Wolf

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and with that aside, I wish to announce the moment you've all been waiting for. A fight between Keiji and Shenlong to show who is the strongest OC.

* * *

Naruto tapped at his desk as he waited for the ANBU to report that they had captured the person who impersonated him and forced him to redo the stack of paper work. After the passing of an hour with no success, Naruto walked out of his office to go out and look for the culprit himself when he ran into Kiba, who was holding a box of what he assumed was the lo mein he had been sent out for a week ago. He looked very exhausted and was about to pass out, but Naruto had to tell him the truth, no matter how much it hurt.

"Hinata isn't here," said Naruto as he pointed towards the house that he and Hinata lived at, while Kiba broke down into sobs at having travelled everywhere only to be told he had to walk some more. "So is Shenlong with you?"

"Yeah, he's outside," replied Kiba as he started walking to the door, but was stopped by Naruto's hand on his arm.

"I'll help you there," said Naruto since he had some business with Shenlong.

* * *

The man in dark sunglasses looked at the pond with great interest as he ran his fingers into the pond and felt the coolness of the koi pond around his fingers. Green gave way to brown, orange, yellow and red as the autumn set in, bringing with it a cool breeze that made everything seem so right and could cause on to fall asleep. The man ran and hand over his short blond hair and stretched out as he laid down on the bench in front of the pond with a dirty-blond haired woman lying on top of him, her head against his chest. The autumn had gotten to her and now she was in a deep sleep as he looked down at her through the darkness of his sunglasses, but he wouldn't take them off, no matter how much he wanted to see the beauty that was on his chest right now. She looked so cute there, sleeping with all the innocence of a child, something he had long since been robbed of by the person who had done experiments on him when he was seven. People always attributed that to his sadistic tendencies, but in truth, he was just like that because his family had created their fighting style around fighting without mercy. The inherited sadism of his fighting style had been increased by the viciousness of the wolf blood that was in him and the lessons he had learned while living among the wolf clan.

"Hey Shenlong, I've been waiting to meet you in person," said a cheerful voice that woke up Yuki who was on top of him and caused her to leap off of him. "Oh sorry, was I disturbing something?"

"Yeah, but I guess it's okay since I was about to sleep and I never know if my sister would try to pull some kind of prank on me," replied Shenlong as he got up and picked up his large sword. "I'm guessing that you are the Hokage, Naruto Uzumaki."

"Yes, it is an honor to know that you know my name," said Naruto as he shook shenlong's hand and felt the man's grip. "I was wondering how good you were at tracking people."

"I've heard talk about an imposter going around and I guess that it's true," said Shenlong as he stroked his chin and then picked up his sword. "I've picked up his scent and I can tell you that there are two imposters, not one, but one isn't a real threat while the other has cruel intentions."

"How did you do that," asked Naruto as he sat down and then he saw that Shenlng was pointing to his nose and realized that Shenlong was picking up any movements of foreign scents just by seeing how strong they were. The stronger they were, the more they had been in the town since their scent would have spread, but the scent of someone not familiar with the village then the smell would only be strong in the place that person was. "You can choose the one you want to go after."

"I already have, but I suggest you go to your home before the one with evil intentions kidnaps your wife," said Shenlong as he walked off to go after the familiar scent that he knew belonged to a prankster who would have messed with those forms.

* * *

"You did well in discovering that I was not your husband, and for that I applaud you, but I won't hesitate to kill you," said the intruder as he held a kunai to Hinata's stomach and started to pull her up. "Now then, the person who sent me believes he can help my village so I need to get you to their. Please understand that I bear you no ill will."

"The only thing I have against you, your pig faced bastard, is that you underestimated me," said Hinata as she kicked the intruder away and threw a shuriken into his leg.

The intruder was bald with pale skin and bags under his eyes, showing that he had been trained to don many masks and take on the appearance of many people, a training that took endless nights of no sleep. He may have been able to fool everyone else, but Hinata knew the arms of her husband and she knew exactly how he hugged and this man did not hug like her. The intruder could, however, fight like Naruto and he came at her with the exact same style as her husband, but it was his old style and using Naruto's old style left him open for many attacks from her gentle fist. The first punch he threw she twisted ninety degrees before kicking the ground out from under him and followed up with a heal kick to his stomach. Not wanting to fail his village, the would-be kidnapper jumped up and summoned a large wall made of mud before manipulating the mud to form a dragon that shot out at Hinata. She dodged it fairly easily, but her stomach had grown and she had trouble keeping her balance sometimes. This was one of those times and she fell on her back while the intruder was aiming a punch to her stomach, but the hand was repulsed by her chakra and she blocked every one of his chakra points in his neck, which also cut off the oxygen in his neck. The attacker tried for one last attack with a kunai, but he was stopped by a very angry Naruto who immediately killed the intruder by snapping his neck.

"It's good that you came when you did," said Hinata as she was helped up by Naruto who looked into her eyes lovingly.

"You seem like you handled that well enough without my help," said Naruto and then he started to kiss her.

"Here it is," said Kiba as he dragged himself in the room and held the box of lo mein out to her before collapsing on the floor.

* * *

"Well I knew that if you were here you would catch on," said Keiji as he grinned at the blond haired hunter ninja. "But how come you're coming after me if you've pulled pranks as well?"

"I thought it would be a good time for a sparring match," replied Shenlong as he sat on the tree branch and grinned at the jonin that was considered his rival. "So, are you in or are you out?"

Without saying a word, Keiji lunged forward with his sword towards his opponent, but Shenlong jumped leaned back on the tree branch and extended his foot forward for Keiji to catch and use as a catalyst to flip over. As soon as Keiji had landed on a branch, Shenlong ran up the tree he was on, throwing shuriken at the jonin before jumping off the tree. Keiji blocked each shuriken with his kunai and then jumped down on the ground as well with his sword ready to go, but he was a bit nervous about fighting Shenlong. At the drop of a leaf, Keiji made the first move making diagonal cuts at Shenlong in fluid motions that never broke or became awkward, while Shenlong blocked each attack with vertical or horizontal cuts of his own. Jumping back, Keiji fired out a water dragon jutsu at the smirking hunter, who disappeared in a swarm of crows, leaving Keiji to look around him for a place that his opponent might be hiding. Before Shenlong could throw the feathers in his hand, Keiji created an earth dragon that shot fire out at the jonin, but Shenlong responded with a water dragon missle jutsu, putting out the fire and forcing Keiji to move from his position.

"I see you've gotten stronger, Shenlong," said Keiji as he kicked Shenlong in the stomach and pushed him up into a tree so that Shenlong could get a good look at his eyes. "But I've got the power of a four tailed Okami."

Then Shenlong surprised Keiji by kicking him off and then grabbing Keiji by the ankle and flung him into a tree before delivering a succession of lightning quick punches to the stomach. Keiji didn't know what happened, but he would have to use some of the power of his wolf eye and he started searching for Shenlong's next attacks so he could block each one and counter it. He was able to knock of Shenlong's shades to get a good look at the red wolf eyes hidden underneath them. _Oh shit,_ thought Keiji. _I never knew he had __those eyes that just make__ this all the more difficult._ As soon as Keiji tried to do a flip kick, Shenlong grabbed his leg and threw him right to the ground before starting to do a diagonal spin fist move on him, but Keiji blocked the third punch to deliver one to Shenlong's face. Stepping back a bit, Shenlong blocked the next punches that came his way and then landed a few open palmed punches on his opponent before deciding to go all out.

"Now then, I guess since you've got four tails I can show this move to you," said Shenlong as he started to transform his body into a giant wolf, his true form, which was a lot like Keiji's wolf transformation, but it was a black wolf that stood on two legs. "Now then I think it's time for us to finish this right now."

"Damn," cursed Keiji as he tried doing his own transformation, but he had already used his wolf eyes a lot so that he was getting low on chakra.

Shenlong went to work moving around in zigzags before stopping to punch his opponent and then grabbed him to throw him into the ground. After that, Shenlong started let Keiji hit him while he healed himself and then started to fight Keiji again, both just punching the other instead of blocking. Keiji brought his kunai out to start parrying Shenlong's claw attacks and then retreated so he could jump over a ledge that he had always left up a wire mechanism that would shoot out kunai once set up. Using what little time he had left, Keiji armed the trap and set an explosive tag on his kunai before Shenlong came bursting out of the woods with a great burst of speed. As soon as Shenlong crossed the wires, a hail of kunai shot out and stabbed him before Keiji threw out his explosive tag, which blew up the ground in front of him and sent Shenlong hurtling back until he crashed through some trees.

"Oh shit, I think I killed him," said Keiji before he heard the sound of a twig snapping behind him.

"Are you sure about that," asked a voice from behind.

Keiji turned to see Shenlong standing right behind him with his right arm transformed into the same wolf that had been coming at him a few seconds ago. It was obvious that Keiji was out of tricks and Shenlong was ahead of him by at least three tails.

"Fine then, you beat me," said Keiji as he sat down and looked at his younger superior.


	7. Chapter 7

Exam Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters and I am not responsible for anyone who is psychologically scarred for reading this chapter.

* * *

Naruto sighed as he looked at the angry genin who were waiting for their proctor, the notoriously late Kakashi, so they could start their first test in the chunin exam. He wasn't sighing for the fact that his former sensei was late, but for the fact that the kids were so anxious in the face that they were about to go through a situation more severe than anything they would face as chunin. It was no secret to Naruto that the two proctors had pulled no expense in making sure that this was the most difficult chunin exam in the history of Konoha and not just because of the tests, but the situations in which they would be taking the test. Somewhere off in the distance was a laughing Ibiki who was supposed to be torturing a captured ninja, but at the moment he was just watching the genin be put into a nightmare that he couldn't have made better himself.

"Well first he aggravates them and then he must plan to be the most observant proctor we ever had," said Naruto to Tsunade as he had started a bet between her to guess what the proctors had planned for them.

"I bet he intends to distract them with the worst techniques ever devised in the history of men and perversion," challenged Tsunade as she put some money into the pile that was slowly growing until it was just a big stack of money that other jonin were getting on, even the ANBU that were supposed to be guarding them.

"We'll see since he's here now," said Naruto as he sat back into his chair and observed through the tv screen in his office.

* * *

"You're late," shouted one of the genin as Kakashi finally walked into the room with book in hand as he wrote his name on the chalkboard and threw out written tests to people.

"Sit down, shut the fuck up, and don't start until I tell you to," replied Kakashi in a nice calm voice that had some form of danger in it that the genin couldn't place properly. "Okay, answer these questions and if you cheat I will be throwing a kunai at your desk. Earn three and you and your team is out of here. You will all be separated according to the number you received before you got in here."

Every genin took their respective seat without hesitation, all of them wanted this thing done and over with before they fell asleep. Kakashi couldn't help but grin at the genin that were sitting down and had no idea what they were getting themselves into because if they did they would be running for the hills. As soon as they were all seated Kakashi gave the signal for Gai sensei to come in and start the needless challenging in an extra loud voice. Gai had made sure his teeth were extra bright for the occasion and as he walked in with his trademark smile, half of the genin were blinded by the bright light that was shining off of his teeth.

"AH YES MY GREATEST RIVAL, KAKASHI IT IS TIME WE SETTLED THE SCORE ONCE AND FOR ALL," said Maito Gai, well really it was more of him shouting at the top of his lungs, but it was just the way he talked to people. "NOW HERE I SHALL FINALLY BE THE ONE TO BRING ABOUT YOU END AND PROVE TO ALL THE MEN….UH, WOMEN OF THE VILLAGE WHO IS THE BETTER LOVER!"

"I'm sorry Gai I didn't hear a word you just said," replied kakashi and after looking at the genin who were holding their ears an pleading that Kakashi not ask him to repeat what he said, especially a very small girl who had puppy dog eyes. "Could you repeat what you just said."

"NOOOOOOOOOOO," shouted the genin as they all ducked under their desks and received a kunai for suspicion of cheating. That's when Gai's favorite student was brought in.

"GAI-SENSEI," shouted the green suited student as he ran into the room with tears streaming from his eyes as he ran into the room.

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

After the shouting match was over, the two embraced each other in a hug so tight that it left no doubt as to what their sexual orientation was and also left them with broken back as attested by the sickening cracks that were heard. Behind them was sunset that had appeared from virtually nowhere since they were all inside and it was noon. Something about the two grown men hugging each other like that, with their weird appearance added in there, was very creepy and some of the genin were immediately taken sick. One jumped up screaming, "My eyes. My eyes are burning!"

"Everyone who wants to go can leave now," said kakashi as he watched ten genin run out of the room. There were still ninety genin left waiting for the next tactic and Kakashi felt it was as good a time as any. So he flipped through the book in his hand to his favorite scene and then started to read aloud. "Mikoto had never touched a woman before, but at Jimpei's urging she found herself becoming aroused enough to start feeling over the body of the platinum blond haired woman with very large breasts that could be tamed by no bra. The touch of the warm flesh was awe inspiring and it may have been the cups of sake that she had been drinking, but something made her lust after the buxom blond that was in front of him. Slowly she became more daring as he felt the blond return the feelings of hands until each one of them was exploring the other's bodies with their mouths, letting tongues run over pink nipples."

"My virgin ears," cried one of the genin as he grabbed his ears and jumped up and down in hi seat before running out.

"There's too much blood, I'm going to die," cried another male genin whose nose was bursting with blood and a few other boys started to develop nose bleeds of their own.

There was a brief pause when Kakashi was done with the chapter and he looked around at the seventy genin still standing.

"Now then, all of those still here may go down to the Forest of Death for the second part of the exam," announced Kakashi as he walked out of the room, leaving genin to pick up their jaws.

* * *

"Well I'm glad I brought these earplugs along," said Shizuru as she walked along her team mates while getting the story of what had happened in the story while she wasn't listening. "So that's what those books are about, I always wondered about that."

"Yeah, I don't know how I didn't get a nose bleed, but I have to get one of those books now," said Junpei as he limped towards the forest and was surprised to see a tall man with short blond hair and black leather trench coat on, topped off with shades. "Where have I seen on that man before?"

"Holy shit, that guy is the head of a branch in Suna ANBU, my dad was talking about him," said the abnormally named, Teme. "I hope to god he's not our proctor."

"Okay everyone gather round," said another Suna ninja with shades on dressed in aregular outfit and had long flowing hair. "My name is Keiji and I'll be your proctor today, but I will only be introducing you and grading you based on the curriculum set up by my partner, Shenlong. Shenlong would you like to take it away?"

"Yes, thank you Keiji," replied the man named Shenlong as he stepped forward and started looking at them all with the gaze of a hawk. "Seventy genin, a good number for this little exam of mine. First I want all of you to come up and put on this metal collars if you wihs to continue, you cannot go onto the second exam without them and failure to comply in ten minutes will result in immediate disqualification."

The trio looked at each other and then at the genin that were lining up to receive their metal collars, but it was a bit more difficult for them to go up since they didn't trust the jonin with the shades on. After five minutes of debating amongst themselves, the group decided to take their chance and took a metal collar each, putting them on while Shenlong stepped up to a small box, which was unnecessary because he towered over others.

"Okay now then, the point of this exam is to make it through to the cave that's deep inside the forest and collect one of the gems in the cave," announced Shenlong as he started to slip out of his leather jacket, letting it fall to reveal that he was wearing a vest over a small black shirt with black pants on, geared up for combat. "You can form teams, but every single one of you needs your own gem and if you want, it can be every man for himself, just as long as you can make it through. Killing one another is permissible, but there are two additional things you should know. I myself will be inside of this forest hunting for you all, so you'll be safer in numbers rather than alone. Also, keep moving, your collars have explosives in them that are designed to explode if you stay in a danger zone for too long. The danger zones can grow and, almost forgot, you will never know where they are, all danger zones are invisible. Everyone can star going right now, you have ten seconds until the exam officially starts and I start hunting all of you. Have fun."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Proposal and a test

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and I'm about to marry the happy couple we all wanted to see wed.

* * *

The trio was running for their lives in the ten seconds that they had to run before that psycho of a ninja, Shenlong, would coming chasing after them with that sword he kept by his side and the giant three bladed sword on his back. They had to make their way to higher ground fast or else they would have to hide from him to avoid being cut in half, but they would still run the risk of having their collars blown up so it was clearly a damned if you and damned if you don't concept. The forest was alive with a plethora of vegetation and little insects that were eaten by the various reptiles of the forest, the most notable being the lizard. Its green tiled skin shined in the bright sun that could come through the various leaves on the trees, but other reptiles would just keep to a certain camouflage so they could wait for their prey to come close enough to them that they wouldn't have to go that far. Of course, the three genin didn't even recognize or even notice any of this as they ran because their ten seconds was up and all manners of weapons were flying over head, taking out small genin that they would just jump over instead of helping. Everything about comradeship had broken down except into the familiar teams that they had been in all along if they stayed together instead of turning against each other out of paranoia or desperation. It was exactly what Shenlong wanted them to do, break down everything that made them something, break down the unifying thing and make them even more susceptible by dividing and conquering even though he could take them all at full power.

Of course, he wasn't allowed to use full power so he had to break them up and he did it by constructing the situation that they were in now in which they would be running without even thinking of stopping in fear of death and he knew they couldn't last long if they refused to break on helping each other. If there was one thing that could be said about Shenlong it was that he was that he was genius of psychology and could play it better than anyone in his field of work since he himself had to overcome a lot of mental problems and some people would argue that he still had some, but he only acted like the person who had done those experiments on him, Orochimaru.

"My god where is he, I can't even pick up on his chakra," exclaimed Shizuru as she ducked another oncoming shuriken and then saw two genin caught by rope cars and then she saw him, Shenlong, standing right in front of her holding some genin by the throat. "Holy hell!"

"You lose," said Shenlong as he held the genin up in the air and started have a kunai slide into his hand from his sleeve when all of a sudden, Teme jumped forward to try and land a kick on the crazed jonin's face.

The foot never made it to his face as Shenlong disappeared, as did the kid, and Teme realized that he had just been duped into a shadow clone trap. As soon as he realized it though, he was trapped in a small net and standing there was Shenlong himself with his sword held in his hand and a very depraved grin on his face. Teme was thrashing around in the net trying to escape from the trap set up by the jonin, but the jonin had used a very strong material that was super hard to break through, even if he used a kunai or sharp object. To save their friend, both Shizuru and Junpei jumped out to fight the proctor, who just blocked all of their attacks with one arm. Dropping back, Shizuru use a kanton no jutsu on the jonin, but when the flames subsided, neither Shenlong nor Teme could be found and she soon began to think that she had just killed them both. That was when she felt a strong hand pushing on her shoulder as she was pushed down by Shenlong while he knocked out Junpei with a dragon punch. Shenlong then pressed on an area of her neck to render her unconscious while he started tying them up and came up with a brilliant plan.

"This will be fun," said Shenlong with a grin as he strung them up and looked around. He started pulling out a few kegs of beer that he packed with him and then pulled out a copy of Icha Icha that he read for a laugh now and then. "Now all I have to do is wait for those who wish to save these pathetic kids from death to come. My god I love my life and my wife."

* * *

Neko was treating her boyfriend's wounds and minor cuts, most likely from the little scrap that Shenlong had described, but knowing Shenlong's ways, a little scrap could be a minor war skirmish. Her sensei loved to blur the lines of sanity and would be opposite of himself at one time just to keep his enemies from guessing him. Though Neko knew who he was as did Yuki, his wife, but they were the two women in his life that knew how much of a caring person he was and how vulnerable he could be when stripped of his shades. Of course the madness of Shenlong was a result of an experiment, but she didn't care about it, as long as he could put it behind him.

The outside of the house was the sight of autumn moving out to make way for the newest tenant, winter, whose icy cold winds could reach anywhere at any time and in the end it started to snow. She knew that would only be even worse for the small genin who not only had to put up with Shenlong, but now he had something he could hide in and the genin would have to put up with the cold. Of course, he was doing the old Battle Royal test that he had made rising jonin take, but this time he was only using the fake metal collars instead of using the real ones because there would be an out roar if one genin died. The snowflakes came down with the light hitting them at exactly the right place to give off a light that would only dazzle the inner minds of on lookers as Konoha was being transformed into a winter wonder land.

Her eyes looked on this and was soon surprised to feel a hand take her own as she looked into the loving eyes of the man she loved and felt glad that he was awake and alright as he seemed to be out of breath when she saw him. It was those wolf eyes, so like the red ones she had developed from tasting Shenlong's blood, that she had sought comfort for ever since she had once had the chance of him coming to bring her back because of a prank she had pulled (a flash back for another chapter and probably have it written by Neko herself).

"Well I'm very glad you're awake, I thought something bad might have happened to you," said Neko as she held his hand close to his cheek and she felt his gentle touch as he cupped it and raised his own body to kiss her on the lips gently.

"I can take a lot more than they can dish out," said Kiba as he shifted to sit up properly. "I have only one thing I would like to ask of you if you wouldn't mind. This is something that I have been avoiding because I have been nervous about it because I saw the pain that my father's death caused my mother and I don't want to ever cause you that pain. There are times when I am more sure of myself then I mean to be and really I am often worried that when I go on missions that it will be the last time I say goodbye to you and that I will cause you such pain that you will lose all joy in life. Well I was afraid you would do the same to me as well, which I guess may be the real reason why I have been avoiding this, but after seeing Shenlong and Yuki, I have determined that I want this and so all I can say is this. Neko, will you marry me?"

"Oh yes, hell yes, Kiba I'll marry you," said Neko as she threw her arms around his neck and then kissed him with a grinning Yuki in the other room as she had been sitting there to see what the two were up to.

"Guess we're gonna have a wedding then," laughed Yuki as she walked off.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: A Surprise Fight

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters of Naruto.

* * *

"Wha…where am I," asked Shizuru as she looked up and saw that the ground was above her head, covered in a thick layer of flora and fauna that immediately reminded her that she was in the Forest of Death. Turning her head to the left, she saw that she was upside down and had her friends tied up right next to her on different branches.

"I see that you have woken up," said a voice from below her and with great reluctance, she looked up to see Shenlong standing right below her drinking some sake from a small gourd. "You know, you have been out for all of two hours and in that time have gotten me over twenty genin alone. Now I have almost thirty genin and no one has even reached the cave."

"How do you know that," asked Teme as he looked down with a red face from all the blood that was rushing to his skull. He looked like a ripe tomato ready to fall from the vine.

"Because it is right there, not two feet from where you are hanging," replied Shenlong as he tossed back the alcohol, a bit lamenting that he had a high tolerance for alcohol because it made him different from every other human being. "By the way, you shouldn't thrash around in the vines, it will only make the bindings tighter, while if you slascken up a bit, the vines will ease and you can slip through them easily."

"And just why would you want to tell us that," asked Junpei as he stopped thrashing around and did as he was told only to be bothered by a huge grin across the jonin's face.

"I hate it when something comes to me easily, I want something with a lot of fighting potential, not an easy target," said Shenlong as he spun a kunai around in his hand and immediately blocked to kunai that were thrown by Shizuru. She had managed to slip out and set up a clone in her place so that she could launch a surprise attack, but while she didn't get Shenlong, she did cut the vines that held her friends up, causing them to fall to the ground.

Teme landed on his feet while Junpei landed flat on his ass in a briar patch so he wound up jumping around, howling in pain at his current predicament. Shenlong had immediately thrown some sand out so that he could use it to call up a small storm that made everything harder to see and then used a fire jutsu to add to the storm and increase the heat to mold the sand around the genin until they were nothing but sand molds. Before he could grab a congratulatory beer however, Shenlong was immediately attacked by shuriken and kunai which hit him in the head and chest. Junpei was shocked to see that his attack hit since he was only planning to have force Shenlong to run into his friends, but he had just killed the proctor. He slumped to his feet in disbelief as the blood poured from Shenlong, but then he nearly pissed himself as the blood flow right back into him and Shenlong actually stood up. Junpei immediately jumped to his feet and pulled out his wider bladed kunai while his friends jumped to his side to help him. Shizuru came in low for an attack, which Shenlong jumped over, but left himself open to the earth dragon jutsu that Teme had summon, even though it was very taxing chakra wise, but Shenlong dodged that too. In the end it was left up to Junpei to deliver a kick to Shenlong's face, but the jonin grabbed his foot as soon as it made contact with his face and flung the boy at his friends. Shizuru caught Junpei, who prepared a kanton no jutsu, while Teme threw a few shuriken at Shenlong who blocked each one with the sword in his hand and then set out to attack the trio, but ran into the kanton no jutsu. He put up a mudwall that he then turned into a spikey wave that he sent out at the genin and threw his blunt kunai at the genin when they jumped.

"No fair, this can't be our actual test, you're a murdering freak," cried Junpei as he got up with a sore stomach from being hit and found that Shenlong was just sitting while drinking beer. "How do you have like unlimited chakra and we are stuck with wimpy genin chakra? It's just not fair!"

"Simple, I'm stealing chakra from all the other genin that I captured by using a chakra transmutation stone," said Shenlong as he sat and took a sip of his beer and then continued to read while the seething genin planned their next attack. The only problem was that Shenlong had the ears of a bat and the nose of a wolf, so their plans were doomed from the beginning. "You know I don't think I'm going to kill you three, you're too much fun for that, I think I might have Neko train you three after this and then I'll play a life or death game with you."

"Alright you freak, we're going to take you down for good this time and then we'll see whose training who," said Junpei as he rushed the jonin with his flame kunai in his hand that was made specifically so that he could shoot out flames at his enemies with his chakra, but it was very taxing per shot and he couldn't be reckless.

"Hold on a second, I don't think we're alone," said Shenlong as he got back up and picked up his large box with endless supply of weapons. "You can come out now if you'd like, but if you don't want to be on the business end of my blade then state your name rank and cereal brand."

"Don't you mean serial number," asked the person at the top of the tree and Shenlong just looked at him with a thoughtful glance and then shook his head.

"No I mean what kind of cereal you like to eat, I can tell a lot about someone from their cereal brand," replied Shenlong as he opened his box and started rummaging through. "Me personally, I'd have to go with Cocoa Puffs, that shit is just fucking addictive like crack. Now Neko, she buys kitty puffs which I told her was a cereal made for cats, but she just thought I was joking since I like to play pranks on her. I am joking of course and buy it for her because she likes the little collectible cat plushies inside that she can give to her cats to play with it, it's really cool."

"It sounds like your stalling for something," said the mysterious enemy as he jumped to the ground with a large thump caused from boots hitting the solid earth and hesaw that Shenlong was still rummaging while the kids were on their guard.

"Yeah I was hoping I could keep it up till I found the right weapon, but I still want to know what cereal," said Shenlong as he pulled a scroll out from his box. "Well then, are you going to tell me or not?"

"Anything but total," said the mysterious man as he pulled out a sword. "Total sucks."

"What the fuck," said Shenlong in a pissed off voice and he summoned a scythe from the scroll with a handle bar on the main pole for easy cutting ability. "Don't talk shit about total! Kids, let me see how well you can handle this fight and I might just let you go into the cave."

Shenlong lunged at the stranger with his scythe slashing forward, but only getting air as the stranger moved back and was attacked from behind by Junpei who wanted an easy way out. The stranger grabbed the boy's wrist and twisted till it was painful so that Junpei dropped his kunai onto the ground in pain. Shizuru immediately jumped in to help her friend and was rewarded with a blow to the stomach, but the stranger could not avoid the flying kick that Teme planted right into the strangers mask, sending him right back. Shizuru had rebounded and was now dslashing at the stranger with a kunai in each hand while Junpei came from the other direction. The stranger dodged each attack masterfully and then knocked them back and then Teme, who leapt in for some more action. Using the three as a distraction, Shenlong was able to conjure up twin sand dragon missiles to attack the stranger. The stranger avoided each attack by moving from tree branch to tree branch in an attempt to keep moving, but soon found that he was right in the direction of the three genin who both came in for an attack. Using quick moves, the stranger had each one fo the trio on the ground in pain as he went for his main target, Shenlong, with his twin kodachi extended, but as soon as he got far, the wings of ravens shot out and hit the ground surrounding him with a chakra explosion that caused a flashing light that blinded him.

Shenlong came up fast with his scythe and cut at the stranger with his scythe, a strange weapon for any ninja to have, but Shenlong was known for his vast arsenal of weapons, not for his vast arsenal of practical weapons. The stranger vanished into a cloud of smoke and the whole forest was lit up with laughter.

"I can see why you are so famous, Shenlong of the Okami clan," said the stranger as he stood in a tree with his mask being held up with his hand. "I will talk to you later, but for now may I express my most profound thanks in giving the most exciting fight that I have had in a long time. I hope to play with you again sometime so for now have a good day."

"Who was that guy," asked Junpei as he turned towards Shenlong who was just standing there looking at where the man had left.

"I have no clue," said Shenlong as he stroked his chin. "Anyway, go get your gems and get out of here, I'll start trying as soon as you leave."

"You'll start trying," asked the three genin, but they immediately ran as he turned towards them.

"Yes, I think I've been slacking off enough," said Shenlong as he took his glasses off and rubbed them, but didn't put them back on. "Now the hunt begins for real!"


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Wedding Planning

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters.

* * *

Keiji was surprised to see three kids walking out of the forest with gems in their hands, but then he started seeing Shenlong make trips out of the forest to dump a few unconscious genin at the entrance. Others were suffering from severe shock at from the mentally scarring tactics that Shenlong no doubt used. Everyone thought he was joking when he said he would only let three genin through, but apparently he was dead serious and now they were stuck with an uneven number of genin so that the third exam would be a bit difficult to administer. Most of the onlookers who were observing through one of the security cams set up in the Forest of Death were stuck in a portrait of terror at what they had just witnessed. The only ones who weren't staring in shock were the people in the Hokage box and the other proctors at the entrance, but they all knew Shenlong and could guess how he would achieve his goal. It was a bit of something that they had come to expect of him seeing that he was the person in charge of torture and interrogation; basically he was the Suna version of Ibiki. He also happened to be the weapons master of Suna, having used more weapons than Keiji had ever used, including such odd impractical weapons such as scythes.

"Well I can see that you didn't disappoint anyone, Shenlong," said Keiji as he walked forward to give Shenlong a pat on the back for a job well done, but he decided against it since Shenlong was a bit shaky. "Don't tell me one of those genin actually put up a good enough fight to get on your list?"

"No, there seems to be someone else in this matter and I don't think they mean well for the Hokage," said Shenlong as he removed his vest and shirt to trade exchange for his trademark leather vest that he always wore with no shirt because he would wear his trench coat over it. He also changed into his another pair of black pants because of the damage done to the other black pants from all the running and jumping through the forest.

"I thought all your scars healed," asked Keiji as he pointed at a long scar that was cut diagonally into Shenlong's rock like abdomen like the mark of a chidori in a mountain.

"That one is from a long time ago and is probably the worst one I ever got," replied Shenlong as he continued changing in plain daylight, much to the pleasure and somewhat displeasure of the single women present. "Anyway, I have to go write a report to the Hokage and Kazekage that they can pass on to the other villages competing in this exam."

"You know Gaara-sama may be a bit mad that you let a group of Konoha genin get past you?"

"I let a group of Suna get past me as well, didn't they show up?"

"No, no one has seen any genin from Suna reach here."

"Shit," cursed Shenlong as he took out an ocarina from his coat pocket and played a few keys on it to call out to his subordinate's that were all represented in full force of twelve men. They were only allowed in there because Shenlong had given his word that he would never have them try and kill the Hokage. "Go into the Forest and search for any genin that may have been captured! I want an update every ten minutes sent to the Kazekage himself!"

"We shouldn't send you one," asked the subordinate.

"No, right now I have to report about the intruders in the Forest," said Shenlong as he started to walk away at a quick pace, but looked over his shoulder at his group. "By the way, the intruder is good, avoid any conflict, but if you do find yourself than send out a distress signal and the stand by team will come to back you up. Dismissed!"

Shenlong teleported himself continuously from the place to place via his crow summons until he was eventually in the Hokage's observation booth, where the Kazekage, Hokage, and the Godaime were. He knelt down on one knee to report to them in an old style that had been used by ninja during the time of the first Kages. The jonin realized that had placed his shades back on before he left the forest, which irked Naruto because he always wanted to see Shenlong's eyes. Even though Keiji had told Naruto that Shenlong's eyes were pretty much the same, Naruto just always felt this urge to look. Unfortunately he couldn't order or ask Shenlong to take his shades off because it would be embarrassing to Konoha and would make the elders question Tsunade's decision for him to be Hokage.

"What is it that you have to report to us, Shenlong," asked Gaara as he motioned for Shenlong to rise and Shenlong did as soon as Gaara made the gesture.

Naruto remembered the first time he ever saw Shenlong was when Gaara had arrived to discuss matters of rogue ninja with Tsunade with Shenlong accompanying him as a body guard. It was odd to Naruto because he had always seen Kankuro as Gaara's bodyguard, but Naruto could see that Shenlong was the perfect choice when a rogue ninja infiltrated Konoha and tried to assassinate Gaara. Shenlong immediately stepped in front of Gaara and took the blow while disarming the would-be assassin before proceeding to interrogate him right then and there. After he had gotten his answers he instructed his team to surround Gaara in a human shield formation before he ran off to the camp where the rogue ninjas resided with his wolf family for back-up and returned with the blood headbands of the rogue ninja to Gaara while the Suna ANBU was left with the mess. He was the one person who could never turn against Gaara even if Gaara had sentenced him to death for no reason, Shenlong would humbly commit seppku in a pool of stagnant water.

"Kazekage-sama, while administering the second part of the Chunin exam, I ran into an intruder," said Shenlong clearly and to the point, but at the same time showing humbleness. "I regret to say that I failed to capture the intruder and failed again in preventing Suna genin from being captured by the intruder."

"You can stop using Kazekage, Shenlong, you are most trustworthy and have proven yourself worthy of it," said Gaara as he let out a silent chuckle from his amusement of Shenlong's use of honorifics. He never had time for them with anyone else unless he wanted to show affection, but he only used honorifics for those he respected and rarely used them when he talked to council members. "And the intruder's escape would have been worse if it had not been you, for then we would have lost all of our genin instead of three. You have done well and are following all the right steps, which can't be said of most people when faced with the same situation."

"I am honored by your words, Gaara-sama," said Shenlong as he gave another bow. "With your permission, I would like to send a search party out into the Forest to assist my men."

"You aren't confident in your unit's ability to do that," asked Gaara as he cocked a brow at Shenlong because if Shenlong ever asked for such a thing than he would need it. He may be proud and sometimes vain in his boasts, but when it was of a serious matter he would always act as if his unit was a bunch of genin.

"They are good at tracking, but the matter has escalated now that some of the genin from other villages are missing to," said Shenlong as he got up and touched his metal crest that was a sign of his rank and his status as leader of the "Wolf" unit of Suna ANBU. It was the tracking unit sent for hunting rogue ninja and was made up of many jonin who were selected by Shenlong because of their tracking talents. "It seems the intruder was able to get into the village and kidnap genin in broad daylight, something that is very difficult to do with the ANBU under Kakashi's control."

"The matter is being looked into and we did see that there was a major break in through the part of Suna and Konoha ANBU," said Naruto, finally getting a say in something since it was his village as well. "It is because of this that I am sending a special team in to track any and everything there while we have also just captured some infiltrated rogues and are sure to get results now that Ibiki is done with lunch."

"Also you have another matter to attend to," said Gaara just as he received one of the ravens from Shenlong's unit."It seems that each genin was left in the forest perfectly intact, but they have not found a single sight of the intruder. There is no need for you to worry about it right now and as I have said you have more pressing matters to attend to, like the wedding of your student."

* * *

"So how exactly should we tell him, I mean what if he doesn't like the idea of you getting married," asked Kiba a bit nervous at the fact that his fiancé was the sister of Shenlong, and he didn't know how protective Shenlong was.

"Don't worry about yourself, I'll have Yuki talk to him and she'll be able to help him get over it," replied Neko as she hugged Kiba's back to help him calm down, but she was also questioning Shenlong's reaction. "Even if he is like that I can still get married, I'm old enough to be independent aren't I?"

"Yeah, but the point is that he might also be very pissed off at me and we all know that if someone pisses Shenlong off then they don't live long."

"Look, what we need to do is to find a way to tell it to him and I'm sure he will accept us. I am confident that onii-san would definitely accept us because he knows that I love you, no matter how clueless you can be sometimes."

"Yeah, it doesn't matter as long as we love each other," said Kiba as he turned to hug her as well and then he heard a clapping sound from the corner of the room in the Inuzuka complex.

"I see that the happy couple is enjoying a tender moment with each other," said Shenlong as he sat on the couch in the TV room, his shades still on, and his boot rested on a sword case. "First, I want to know what you both have planned for the wedding so we can start out with that."

"Well we haven't thought of that just yet," said Neko a bit blushing and then she stared at Shenlong in shock. "You heard us!"

"I was informed by Gaara-sama, you must realize that I am well informed and that I am not against your marriage," said Shenlong as he pulled out a book and then looked at the note scribbled inside of it. "Tomorrow we are supposed to be meeting at some diner near the antique shop on Tojo Avenue to discuss the arrangement of the wedding with everyone you want to invite and our respective kage-samas."

"Okay then, I think we already have a list of people ready," said Kiba as he went to call the usual suspects.

* * *

The diner was the same one that Naruto had announced to them that he and Hinata were getting married at, the same diner that Naruto and Hinata had resolved their first fight at, and the diner where I was arrested at. Kiba and Neko were both cheerfully smiling at everyones shocked and happy faces with the exception of Shenlong, Gaara, Yuki, and(because he rarely shows such a thing as surprise) Kakashi. After a talk of the arrangement of the duties made by the wedding they got into talking about where the wedding should be and everything else, which is where some of the surprise came in. As it turned out, Shenlong was a relatively well to do man, having written some books for tactics and fiction as well as his investments in certain businesses. One of those businesses just happened to be the hotel business as he had to travel to many places so he started buying controlling stock of certain hotel chains. With that move he was able to provide shelter for his unit when they were out and allowed him to gain influence in places that peeked his interest. The place he had the most influence in was called Moonlight Island, an exotic resort that had the most beautiful full moons and he wanted to plan it during a full moon.

"I don't know if we can go off so suddenly after taking such a long break and just getting here," said Naruto as he looked at the brochure for the place, but then he took a look at Shenlong's schedule and saw that it would be in two months. "I could make it if we got the case of the intruder solved, but if that is still going on then I don't think I can make it and it would be a problem to have some of my best jonin out during this crisis."

"Don't worry, I never let a threat last long when it could affect Gaara-sama in anyway," said Shenlong as he pulled out a pen and then started writing something down. "I got the idea from one of the wedding planners I asked to help out and thankfully one can take a break."

"Yeah this seems like a good place to have the wedding at," said a familiar voice from behind the groups table.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Perverted Mischief

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters of Naruto. Keiji and Shenlong belong to me though.

* * *

There was something to be said about the manner at which Shenlong guarded his Kazekage and the manner in which he and Gaara both held conversations. Few people could get much out of him and when they did get something out of him it was always a short sentence. The only exception to this was when he gave his reports, which were always given in great detail and never once would he hesitate to put his own opinion. The only people whom he ever talked much to were those whom he had a great respect and those whom he considered friends. Shenlong was a paradox in himself for he was very simple to understand, but at the same time he was so simple. He had something of him that could charm most women and the fact that he spoke very few words in a deep charming voice seemed to make him popular with women, not to mention the fact that he had kept up well with his body.

"Shenlong, what do you believe of letting Renji-san and Marie-san decide Neko's wedding," asked Gaara as he looked out at Konoha from the mansion at which he was staying at thanks to the hospitality of Naruto. "I know that Marie is a very fine wedding planner, but I don't know if I would trust Renji, old habits die hard and you have heard about Naruto's wedding."

"Yes, Gaara-dono, but I am quite sure that my warning got across to Renji-san when I told him not to try anything of that sort," replied Shenlong as he flexed his muscles and abdomen through his leather vest before once again moving a piece across the board.

"What exactly did you say to him," asked Gaara as he looked at his most trust bodyguard and worried that this might get Suna involved with an international dispute with the sound village.

"I simply told him that if he did anything disgraceful I would break through his last line of defense and proceed to tear him limb from limb," said Shenlong as he took a sip of tea and then looked out the window of the peaceful village that he had meant to visit more times, but resisted because he didn't want to leave Gaara unattended.

"This village is nice and peaceful with better weather than Suna, you should retire here," laughed Gaara as he noticed his subordinate's stair and he then saw Shenlong turn to him.

"Gaara-dono, I will be your bodyguard till I breath my last breathe," replied Shenlong before making another move. "You and Yuki are both the only ones to save me from the insanity that had wrapped around me and I live only to protect those that are dear to me. It is too them that I give my life for, which is why I will probably die from the sword."

"You are the person who I trust the most, besides Rukia of course, she is the most special person in my life as I know Yuki is the most special person in your life."

"She is and I believe I should go now and take another check through the forest," said Shenlong as he got up, but Gaara grabbed his arm to hold him for a second longer.

"I was hoping that you would be an instructor to the three who passed the chunin exams," said Gaara as he pulled out a file and placed it on the board. "You have done so much for this village, but I think that you must also be the most overworked of all. You really need your health, Shenlong, or else I will worry about you."

"Do not worry, this body is made to resist most damage," said Shenlong as he bowed. "I believe that instead of those students being trained by me, you should have them trained by my sister, who has been talking about training a team of her own."

"Okay, but try looking into taking fewer assignments," said Gaara before Shenlong left the door and Gaara couldn't help but wonder about his friend. _He's going to work himself to death if I don't stop him soon, but I guess the only one who can stop him from doing that is Yuki._

* * *

"You sure about this intelligence," asked Jiraiya as he sat across from a good friend of his and fellow sukebe.

"No, I have heard that all of the most beautiful and sexy women of Konoha and Suna are going to have a girl's night out," said Renji as he picked up a notebook that he carried with him for memos. "The first thing they shall do is go out to a spa in four hours in which they shall be bathing in an open air bath that we can do peaking from and as soon as they finish with that they will be eating directly after leaving no chance for them to put on their clothes."

"With those odds we shall be getting enough research for a life time of novels," said Jiraiya as he picked up his book and then saw what Renji had brought along with him. It was one of the spy cameras that he had been begging to get his hands on because of their cloaking ability. "This will be the greatest day in the history of men and perverts everywhere, we must have a special celebration!"

"Yes and when we have grown old and can no longer keep up, we will have this off to a new generation of sukebes," exclaimed Renji as he picked up his towels and prepared to go out. "Come, we must get ready to start!"

"Lead the way, Renji!"

They didn't see the shades that observed them from the silence and mask of the shadows of the corner of the bar that they were at. The man who was sitting in the shadows paid for his drinks and then walked out into the calm cool afternoon of Konoha.

* * *

"Oh isn't this so fun to be out here with none of the boys watching us and just us girl's," exclaimed Tsunade as she entered first into the undressing room of the hot springs where the towels were. "All of us getting away from those men and their perverted thoughts, most especially Jiraiya and Renji, for some much needed relaxation."

"It's been only like two months since that big trip to Gakko Island and you don't do anything," said Sakura before she was pounded on the head by Tsunade.

"Don't question my words if your still in training bra," said Tsunade as she immediately started to disrobe and then wrapped her elegant curves into a soft towel. "Besides I still work harder at healing people and teaching others my trade than you can think, especially now that I'm not by a desk looking over some ungodly amount of paperwork like that gaki is right now."

Somewhere off in the distance a certain blond sneezed hard and nearly felt his head slip out of his nose at it. The other women undressed and wrapped themselves up in towels before proceeding to enter the hot springs and dip a leg into the warm relaxing water of it. They couldn't even tell that there were perverted men standing outside their baths staring at them with the least pure intentions of humanity in their mind. It was something that they had become to consider as a profession, even though it was a profession that would be punishable by certain death at the violent fists and blades of the kuinochi whom they were so ogling. It was of course unfortunate for them that they had been watched from the moment that they walked in for as soon as Renji and Jiraiya started moving in closer to where the kuinochi were, a light popped up from above their heads and this may not have been noticed by the kuinochi for a few minutes, but sure enough, Ino screamed and pointed at the two sukebes.

"CHIKUSHOUME," shouted Tsunade as she brought her fist forward and knocked out the teeth of an unfortunate Jiraiya, who was the easiest to spot since his white hair lit up from the absorbed illumination of the light.

"Holy shit," said Renji as he started to run but was knocked over by one of the wooden buckets in the shower and was then tied up with Jiraiya. They were gagged so as not to make a sound when they were soundly beaten by the women and any women who came in the hot spring for the whole day as a new punishment for those who trespassed on hot springs.

* * *

"What fools," mused Shenlong as he stood above the hot spring getting the information by crow since if he looked to see that his plan work he would be spying on the women as well, making him no different from the ones who were now tied up.

"Commander, we have just lost contact with Alpha squad in the forest," said a messenger as he bowed before Shenlong in the same manner that Shenlong instructed them to, one of acknowledging rank and not master and servant.

"I see then, have each backup team put on standby and inform the team from Konoha ANBU informed about that they should be ready to go," said Shenlong as he walked off the top of the house and started walking towards the forest, making a quick stop by the armory to prepare. He was going in.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Complications

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except Shenlong.

* * *

It took time to get the right amount of focus in his body, but Shenlong had the time since he was in a neutral territory where he could focus himself. He was going to go in and get his men out of the forest or try and find out what happened, whichever happened first, the only thing that really mattered was that he was not there to kill someone. Most of the people though he was a fighter who enjoyed killing for the sheer hell of it, but Shenlong had long since been working to calm that side of him to improve himself for Gaara's benefit. Right now he was searching through all scents that were in the forest until he had locked on to the scent of the jonin that he had sent in to search for the intruder and he dashed off through the trees, jumping from one branch to another while keeping every scent in the area under close surveillance so as not to be ambushed. He moved through the foliage and green vegetation of the forest that seemed undaunted by the autumn season, staying defiantly summer time as did the humidity. The leather trench coat had been checked at the entrance and he was running through thorn bushes that left small cuts in his skin that were easily healed, but Shenlong was wary of them because he was unable to control it and he might lose all of his chakra before he got into the danger zone.

"Wolf of the east come in, this is Black Wolf over," said Shenlong over the radio, but he immediately kicked himself for doing that since the enemy may have the radios and if they didn't know he was there, they did now.

"Black Wolf, this is Matsuri, the rest of the squad has been wiped out by two unknown assailants," said a panicked voice of the com that Shenlong immediately put to the face of a new recruit. "I don't know where they are, but I am wounded and am unable to use my legs. I know the identity of the intr-."

An explosion sounded off a few kilometers from Shenlong and he knew that Matsuri had been unable to notice that the two enemies were close by. They were probably just letting him live to see if he could draw something in, like a cat that lets the mouse run to the rest of the swarm. It angered Shenlong that one of his men was used like this and he found himself unable to resist that urge to fight. So he sat in the shadows and waited for the pair of ninja to come by his way.

* * *

"Well it's so sweet that you and Kiba are getting married," said Yuki as she smiled at her sister in law, but it was more like they were twins.

"Yeah, but I expected you to be married a whole lot sooner," said Hinata as she toyed with the sushi on the platter, debating if she needed it or not before she finally just ate it. "But it does seem a bit strange that he gets up so early for some reason, he was up earlier than Naruto-kun was."

"You remember that one time when I tried to wake him up with a skillet and a wooden spoon," said Neko, a bit shy by the memory of the moment and immediately went on with the story before Yuki could question her. "Well after that day it seems he's afraid that I might use a knife to wake him up if he doesn't wake up quick enough for some reason, I guess he never understood that it was only an accident."

"Hahaha, now that is a funny story," laughed Temari as she sat back against the screen that she didn't realize that there was someone behind the screen listening into their conversation.

Kankuro had his head pressed against the screen that was covered by a layer of wood that helped him conceal himself because if they found out that he was there, he and a few others would be harmed. Along with Kankuro to spy on this gathering of women was Naruto, Kiba, Shino, Sasuke, Rock Lee, Neiji, Chouji, Shikamaru, Keiji, Junpei, and the silent Gaara, who was interested in trying to learn the way women worked, specifically Rukia because he still had problems understanding things. Each man wanted to know what was going on in their heads, but they wanted to do it in a subtle way instead of just coming out and saying that there were sometimes when they couldn't understand it. Shino's bugs were hiding in the shadow of the background of the small house that was connected to the private hot springs that were on the grounds of Tsunade's mansion, but it didn't have that great of security. The only problem was that the place where they could listen in was a small wooden shack that made it very difficult for all of them to hear when factors like Gaara's gourd, Chouji's size, and Kankuro's puppet, took up a lot of space in the shack.

"Shh, I want to hear what they are going to say," whispered Kankuro back to the men who were behind and then put large glass jar to the wooden wall and allowed the sound to flow into the small room for all to hear. "I think something sexy is about to happen."

"You know I am so jealous of your body, Tsunade-hime, I mean you have perfect breasts," said Ino and the men could the sound of something being squeezed that made the imagination off all men soar. "I am so jealous! They are even squishier than mine!"

"Oh god my nose," said Kankuro and Junpei as they held their noses closed to stop the bleeding while the other men gained slight blushes at the comments.

"Oh but your small breasts are cute and I hear that you make a lot of boys jealous of Chouji," replied Tsunade as there was the sound of clothing being shuffled slid through the jar. "This robe is so small and it's hard on my breasts. The same should be with you Hinata; I mean that thing seems so small on you."

"Well it is a bit small, but I'm too embarrassed to show myself off in front of you all," said Hinata shyly in that oh so cute way that made Naruto harder than metal. Plus the fact that she was in the presence of her rival in breasts, Tsunade, who was topless and by the sounds of the rustling Hinata would be soon.

"Yeah well it is getting kind of itchy, these robes," said Sakura as she started remove her own. "Plus we are in the presence of other women, neh?"

"Okay then, I guess we could see who has the best body," suggested Anko and every girl agreed with her, even Hinata.

"This is the best form of torture that I know," gasped Kankuro as he tried to stifle the nosebleed, but it all seemed to be in vain as the comments and touching seemed to be getting too intimate. "I know I'll die if I keep listening, but I can't help it, they are just to teasing."

"Stop teasing," shouted Junpei to the women on the other side of the wooden wall before Neiji placed his hands over Junpei's mouth.

"Quite, do you want us to get caught," asked Neiji before he saw out the corner of his eye a determined look in Rock Lee's eyes and he thought, _Oh__ shit that idiot wouldn't!_

"SO IT IS A SHOUTING MATCH YOU WANT THEN, GAME ON," shouted Rock Lee at the top of his lungs before being knocked on his head by Neiji.

"Shut up," exclaimed Neiji and then Kankuro shushed him. "You can shut the fuck up to, doll boy!"

"What the fuck did you just say to me, you blind looking mother fucker," asked Kankuro as he shot up ready to fight.

"Both of you shut the hell up before I entrap you in my sand coffin," said Gaara calmly and then he saw back down and listened to the wall.

"BUTT FUCK," shouted Junpei.

"Why are you shouting," asked Keiji as he looked at his son and then saw that he was pointing at the kuinochi look through the window at them. "EVERYONE, PLAN B! RUN LIKE SCHOOL GIRLS!"

Kankuro, who had his ear placed to the wall was grabbed by the throat by an unknown hand that shot through the wood. Every man was bounding away so as not to share the same fate of the unfortunate Kankuro. The hunt was on and the boys were caught in one of the worse situations they could ever be in.

* * *

"Please Tenten, let us talk about this in a sensible manner," suggested Neiji as he dodged another windmill shuriken that was thrown at him coming too close for comfort. "I mean, you don't want to kill me just for listening in on you and the others do you?"

"How dare you listen to my private matters and try to spy on me," shouted Tenten as she hurled every deadly weapon known to man at them and the young Hyuga was forced to jump from tree to tree, but the weapons mistress just kept on gaining. "You are going to pay for that with your life!"

"NEIJI-SAN, THIS SEEMS TO BE A MATCH FOR THE FALMES OF YOUTH," shouted Lee unnecessarily because Neiji was right next to him.

"Ow, my damn ears," shouted Neiji as he paused a moment to plug his ears with his finger and was nearly hit with a swarm of kunai. "You think it's that time of the month for her?"

"I heard that, now you will never leave this forest alive," said Tenten dangerously as she unleashed a barrage of weapons on them.

**

* * *

Somewhere **

"Gai, why did you stop," asked Kakashi as he turned to his self-proclaimed rival, who had stopped talking all of a sudden or a few minutes later but since Kakashi wasn't listening he could only tell when the silence got tense enough for it to be felt.

"My Lee senses are tickling!"

* * *

Ino stood right before her two team mates who were both tied to a tree with blindfolds over their eyes and a cigarette in Shikamaru's mouth as a last wish.

"Now then, I believe that it is time for you two to be acquainted with your newest friend, Mr. Hurty," said Ino as she held up one of the most diabolical objects known to man.

* * *

"I can't die yet, I haven't restored the Uchiha clan," said Sasuke as he cowered next to Naruto.

"I can't die period," exclaimed Naruto.

"I've finally found you two," said Sakura as she appeared over the tree that they were hiding in.

* * *

Gaara could hear the screams over the horizon but he didn't pay it any attention because he had moved a few kilometers from them without from having the sand transport him. He let out a sigh of relief before he heard the sound of a fan unfolding and fists cracking.

"Well it seems that we have finally found you," said Rukia and Temari both from behind Gaara.

Gaara shot up and in panic and could only say, "Oro?"

* * *

"Don't worry I think that the coast is all clear," said Shino as he looked back out of the tree and found that his partner was looking worriedly at his dog. "What are you looking at?"

"Shino…you bastard Akamaru has flees," shouted Kiba as he lunged at his partner but was pinned to a wall by kunai.

"Well look what I found," said Neko dangerously as she looked at Hana, her soon to be sister-in-law.

* * *

"Haha, that clone is sure to have Sakura baffled as she pounds both him and Sasuke," said Naruto as he walked down the path that led from the forest in front of Tsunade's mansion to the streets of Konoha.

"It seems you are celebrating too early my dear," said Hinata from behind him and Naruto turned to see her there with her arms crossed and Anko in the background beating on Keiji and Junpei.

"That's right, it's not proper etiquette for the Hokage to be celebrating early," said Tsunade who walked behind Naruto and he was trapped. "What should we do with him, Hinata-san?"

"I think we can find out, but in the mean time I believe that we should keep him entertained," replied Hinata as she got closer and Tsunade got closer to.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Mark of Sin

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters of Naruto.

* * *

Naruto woke up to find himself tied down to a log and that the other men were in the same position and they were all naked with different colored hair. The only one without it was Gaara because his sand could easily cover it up and prevent the dye from ever touching his hair. _Lucky bastard_, thought Naruto as he was stuck with a bright neon pink. _If anyone sees this I'll be known forever as the pink haired __Hokage__ and everyone will be laughing at me._ He started to chew at his ropes and finally got to chew his way out of his bindings when he noticed that Gaara's sand was cutting him out of his own. That's when Naruto noticed something, Gaara's face had something on it and on closer inspection he saw that it was a small heart on it.

"Hahahahaha, oh my god that is going to forever ruin that reputation of yours," said Naruto as he was on the floor and laughing until he noticed that the others also had something on their faces. For Kankuro it was "sukebe" and "hand fucker."

"You have one on your face as well," said Gaara as he pointed to Naruto's nose and he looked to see that they had made his nose look like that of a fox with a few other drawings on it. "I think they did that to everyone."

"My head hurts," said Kiba as he looked up and saw that Shino had "bug boy written on his face."Oh my god, that is so true of you, Shino."

"At least mine doesn't say "dumb ass" on it," replied Shino as he slipped out of his bindings to fall to the ground with an agile grace before turning to check around. "They seem to have left us somewhere in Tsunade-hime's back yard."

"Ba-chan has a back yard this big," asked Naruto as he looked around and he was nearly hit by a strange rock. "What the hell is that?"

"Probably thrown by one of the victims," said Kiba as he struggled at his bindings. "I've heard that no one goes into the back yard because it was haunted by those who were killed by the first hokage. In fact, I hear the bodies are buried in these very same grounds."

"I also hear your full of shit and I guess that they were true," said Kankuro as he managed to cut one of his bindings and untie himself. "Where is Keiji and Junpei?"

"I'm up here, but I don't know where my son is," said Keiji as he hanged upside down from one of the tree branches with the blood rushing to his head. "Can I get some help here?"

The help was Gaara, who cut the bindings and helped him down while the others helped Shikamaru and Chouji from their own branches. Sasuke was blind folded with his arm and feet tied together so they left him like he was since he had focused on his eyes so much that he couldn't sense where trees were and kept on hitting them. Naruto walked over to where he was laying half dazed from hitting everything and helped Sasuke take off the blindfold and ropes. The air was unnaturally cold for a morning in the woods that had been a bit warm when they were running through it and a mist had set itself over the woods. The woods were creepier at sunrise than they were at night.

"Well first we need to find out where the women are hiding and get our clothes back before we catch a chill," said Naruto as he stretched and started to walk towards the woods.

"Are you kidding, do you want to go into those haunted woods," asked Kiba as he looked at Naruto and Naruto stared back at him like he was crazy.

"Do you want to go back to the village bare ass naked," asked Naruto as he continued to walk and each man knew that Naruto was right, they had a reputation to uphold, no matter how the woods may seem. "I think we should split up, two men to a group and try and find out where they are."

"Yes I believe so," said Keiji and then he looked around for Gaara, but could find no sight of him. "Where is Kazekage-sama, he was right here a minute ago?"

"I'm telling you man this place is haunted, just look at that," shrieked Kiba as he jumped up to what he thought was a tree but turned out to be Shino, who pushed him off. "Gaara was there a few seconds ago, but now he's gone."

"Kiba, shut the hell up, you're starting to sound like your fiancé," said Neiji who had the word "pencil dick" written on his face. "Also, we are already in the woods and don't know how to get out. We have to move on."

"Okay but I'm going on ahead," said Naruto as he ran off while Keiji paired up with Kankuro, Shino with Kiba, Shikamaru with Chouji, until only Neiji, Sasuke, and Rock Lee were left.

"They planned this," said Sasuke as he walked on with his equally silent counterpart and Rick Lee right next to him.

"YES, TIME TO PROVE THE POWERS OF YOUTH," shouted Rock Lee as he walked on and was oblivious of the death threats that followed him.

"Of all the people to be stuck with, why did we have to be stuck with him," asked Neiji as he rubbed his head from the growing headache.

"Karma must be a bitch," said Sasuke as he walked on and as he reached a tree a woman dressed in ninja clothing dropped down with a deep cut in her chest and blood smothered on her face. Sasuke jumped back while emitting a girly shriek from the ghost and the ghost flew back up into the tree.

"Why are you screaming like a girl," asked Neiji with a smirk on his face.

"I did not scream like a girl, I gave a surprise noise because I saw a ghost," retorted Sasuke and he felt a vein popping from his temple as the Hyugga laughed.

"You really saying you bought into that shit, the great Uchiha is going pansy because of his over active imagination," asked Neiji as he held his sides and then felt a cold hand tap against his back. He looked up to see a long, blue haired woman with a kunai sticking from her head and he found himself screaming and running behind Sasuke.

* * *

"Did you just hear something," asked Kiba as he looked at his partner and he saw that instead o Shino standing there in front of him there was a woman holding her own head. "HOLY SHIT!"

* * *

"That doesn't sound too good does it," asked Kankuro as he walked behind Keiji, sticking close because he didn't want to get killed by a ghost. "I mean those screams, do you think that it could be a ghost doing something terrible to them?"

"I don't see anything scary do you," asked Keiji as he looked at Kankuro with a flashlight under his chin to make his face look scary and it did well in scaring Kankuro off. "Ha, what an idiot."

"Yes, there was nothing scary," said a soft feminine voice that sounded like a whisper and Keiji turned to see a ghostly looking woman right behind him which caused him to start running in the same direction Kankuro was.

* * *

"There is nothing scary in this place, it's all just a joke that the guys are trying to play on me," said Naruto as he walked along, shaking a bit from the atmosphere, but still keeping his calm as he took cautious steps in one direction that he hoped was east. "There is nothing to be frightened of, I'm just getting scared over nothing is all."

He didn't know why, but it seemed like the trees were getting closer to block the sun out, leaving him trapped in darkness. He rubbed his eyes as he nearly stumbled over a tree branch and then he found that what he had tripped over wasn't a tree branch or root, but a severed leg. Terrified out of his mind, he jumped back and let out a scream before realizing that what he had just tripped over wasn't a real severed foot, but a fake one that someone had left. Realization suddenly dawned on him as he realized that not only were the girls playing a prank on them, but that his Kyuubi powers had helped turned his hair back to what it was.

"Well it seems as if brave little Naruto has found out our little secret," said Anko as she stood in one tree. "What should we do about it, ladies?"

"I'd say it would be pretty damaging to his reputation for us to put make and a dress on him, but I think I know the best punishment," said Tsunade as she took a rope out and started to tie Naruto's hands while he was experiencing some confusion from the strange mist that had been forming. "I think it would only be proper if Hinata was the one to do this."

* * *

Yuna didn't know how it happened, the other Suna ANBU that she had faced were good, but they were still taken down without much of a fight. This one was a bit different, as he was able to move around constantly and take lots of damage from the kunai that she and her partner, her partner who had his legs cut off as well as his hands broken, Hotaru, were throwing at him. One minute she knew, Hotaru had just stabbed the ninja in the chest, the next she knew he was behind Hotaru with his scythe at his legs and Hotaru…poor Hotaru didn't know what was going on until it was too late and he was staring at his own legs right in front of him.

"You killed my men, but you seem to not being doing as well against me, why is that," asked Shenlong as he moved closer to her and she delivered a kick to his chest that he shrugged off and grabbed her legs before throwing her into the ground. "Now I know you had help and you know that I can't let you live for killing my men, no matter how much you beg me not to kill you or if you break down and cry right now, this is a matter of principle. Right now we are bargaining for how much pain you will feel before your death, if any. Now I'm going to ask you a question and for each time I don't get an answer I like I'm going to start cutting or doing whatever I know that will give you pain. Do you understand this?"

"Yes I understand it completely," said Yuna as she looked at the jonin and she started to notice a strange abnormality with his eyes. He had a twitchy right eye that she could make our form the way the muscles around his eyes moved and noticed that he was taking off his glasses to rub it.

"God damn it what is this," shouted the blond man as he started grabbing at his eye and then finally took it off to reveal a dark strange shape moving from his eyes like a web. She knew that her master had just saved her life by calling on the curse mark in the man's eye that he apparently never knew about.

"I'm sorry to say that she is very valuable to me and will be the one negotiating your fate when we get back, Shenlong-san," said her master, Uchiha Madarra as he walked behind Shenlong, who was dazed from the activation of the curse mark, and knocked him out.

"Thank you master for giving me the gift of my life," she said as she bowed to him and then grabbed Shenlong and hoisted him over her shoulders. "And a new pet for me to pay with."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Waking Up

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters except for Shenlong.

* * *

As soon as he woke up there was a pounding in his head that felt like someone had put a gremlin in his head and gave it a mallet while they were at it. The surroundings that he was currently in were unfamiliar and he knew that he had not come there willingly, so it was easy to assess the situation that he was facing right now. He had been captured by that girl and her master, the one who knocked him out, and he was now at the mercy of that girl who was probably pissed off at him because he cut her partner's legs off. As soon as he tried to move a chain kept him held a certain distance, just like you would chain a dog in the backyard so he didn't get out, he was now a pet for his captives. The only thing he had on him was his pants, which he never wore anything else under because they were leather and tight enough so that he didn't have to wear any underwear.

He stretched himself out a bit to get the stiffness out of his abdomen and other muscles, stretching until he got crack of satisfaction from his joints and then he started practicing his katas. It was strange that he would keep up his regular routine given the current situation, but Shenlong didn't allow such matters to interfere with his regular routine. As soon as he had finished the door to his cell opened and in stepped the woman he had been fighting before, except she was in a blue kimono and sandals on as she walked over towards Shenlong with a smile on her face and she brought out a light whip. It cracked down on the back of Shenlong's head, bringing a jolt of pain to the area, but Shenlong was given no time to heal as he was lashed again around and around from different places. He was usually able to keep up with such movements, but they had injected him with a drug that when hit with a regularly harmless gas would cause a dizzying effect in his mind.

"I have to make sure my little wolf is awake," said the woman as she stepped up to him and forced his head up with the handle of her whip. "You know that thing that you did with your scythe, when you cut off my partners legs, well that was pretty nice and it got me all hot just looking at it."

"Figured you for a fucking yariman," laughed Shenlong before he was kicked in the face and then given time for his teeth to reform themselves.

"You need to learn to obey your master," said the woman as she signaled for men to come out and placed an assortment of the torture tools all over the tables in the room. "And I, Mistress Yuna, will teach you how to obey your master and I will take everything I want from you until you are my faithful wolf. There is no measure as to how much I am going to enjoy breaking you and in time, I think you'll be forgetting your wife."

"Fat chance, busu," spat Shenlong.

* * *

He shifted a bit in his seat from the damage done to his ass by Mr. Spanky's friend, Mr. Assdemolisher, and he was forced to use a bubble until his ass finally healed from the carnage, but it would be some time until that happened, much to his displeasure. What made it worse was that Hinata was still a bit pissed that he had done that and had not believed him when he said that he wasn't listening in on them for perverted reasons. Then again, he went Kankuro and Keiji, how could she not think that of him, especially since his teacher had been found in the women's bathing house, only hurting his case even more. Now he had to deal with problems at home and problems at work with the suspected capture of Shenlong, Gaara's personal bodyguard and the head of the Wolf pack in Suna ANBU black ops. Time was running out as he had to find Shenlong before Gaara decided to go in himself to find him and then he would have to worry about an international dispute from the assassination of the Kazekage on Konoha territory.

"Why rain shit when it could just poor shit," asked Naruto to no one at all as he looked at the scouting reports bringing in the usual "found a trail, but it led to shit" reports. _This just hasn't been my week this week._ There was a knock at his office door and he looked to see Kakashi poking his head out from the door and looking at Naruto. "Please tell me that it's a trail that leads to somewhere other than a wall or pile of shit."

"Nothing of Shenlong, but the Kazekage has just gone out to look for Shenlong himself," announced Kakashi before he was pushed in by Shenlong's wife, Yuki. "And Yuki would like to go out as well and search for Shenlong herself."

"Great, is there someone who would also like to give me a paper cut and pour some lemon juice on it," asked Naruto as he picked up a piece of paper and questioned whether he should burn the stack of papers that were right next to him. "Yuki I can't send you out because it will result in a quagmire."

"How so," demanded Yuki as she marched up to Naruto and grabbed the poor Hokage by the collar of his robes. "Tell me why I can't go after my man!"

"As soon as you get back Shenlong is going to be pissed that I sent a pregnant woman to come and help him when said pregnant woman is carrying his only child," shouted Naruto as he reached the boiling point of his temperature. He calmed down somewhat and sat back in his chair. "Gaara is already down there so I have enough to worry about without sending you out there to god knows where to face the danger of being killed."

"I'm sorry, I just can't lose Shen-chan, it would be too sad if our son had to grow up without his father," said Yuki silently and sadly in a manner that touched at Naruto's heart. "I just want to make sure that he's okay and that the person who has him captured isn't trying to get his blood or to…..well I heard it was a female attacker."

"That is what we assume from the perfume scent, the lipstick marks on some of the corpses, and the hair that we found," said Naruto as he leaned back a bit on his bubble cushion. "But it could be a trick to try and lead us down the wrong path so we have to do a lot of searching before we start worrying."

"We have also been looking into the possibility of Shenlong still giving chase to the enemy since there has been no ransom of any such," informed Kakashi as he stepped into the conversation with a file filled with all information on the matter. "From what it seems, they would have at least given a ransom for him because they have nothing to gain from keeping him for a long time unless it was Yuna Ajukawa who captured him, but that is unlikely. She has not the skill or power to defeat Shenlong."

"Yes but footprints suggest that there were three people, one lost his legs," said another ANBU who was kneeling before them. "Hokage-sama, we have found witnesses who confirm the capture of Shenlong-san by Yuna Ajukawa and another man who has been identified as a former Akatsuki member named Tobi."

"Thank you for the update, was the witness able to confirm the direction of the two assailants," asked Naruto as he looked at the ANBU.

"Yes and the Kazekage is looking into it as we speak, Hokage-sama," replied the ANBU and he was then dismissed.

"I believe that I should also go out and search some since this is a matter that is also of Konoha importance," said Naruto as he picked up a few documents and signed them quickly. "Now then, get as many as you can in ten minutes for a search party, we are not letting these bastards slip through a second time."

She had a smirk imprinted on her face as she looked at the exhausted Shenlong who could only open one eye from the exhaustion put on him. She had tortured him some and waited for his body to heal the wounds up before she went back to torturing with new toys and then she decided that she wanted to humiliate him in the worst way possible.

* * *

(warning the next paragraphs are a bit graphic and may be disturbing if you don't want depictions of rape.)

* * *

His pants came off easily enough as he was chained down even further, not being able to fight from using too much strength to heal himself and then she started to toy with his manhood. Shenlong called her every filthy name he could think of but he was barely conscious from the assault, so much that he didn't even realize that she had already mounted him. The only time he could ever notice anything was by how she would make her own movements jerky and moved around, putting pressure onto him that tugged painfully at the skin. As he would try to fight she would start making cuts on his chest, noting how long it took for the wound to heal. When she had finally had her fill of him she got off and dressed him and herself.

"You will never need your wife as long as you have me," she said as she walked out of the room with a satisfied smile, leaving the guards to pick untie Shenlong. Leaving Shenlong with the one thing he needed to regenerate his strength, blood.

* * *

"Kazekage-sama, don't you think it's dangerous for you to be going out in the open," asked one of the ANBU squad as he looked at Gaara, who stared back at him with little difference, almost as if he was trying to remember who the person was.

"Shenlong is my friend and has done so many services to our village," replied Gaara as he walked on and then signaled for his scout to check on any enemy formations ahead. "This is something every Kazekage or person who calls himself a leader must be willing to risk, his very life to save those whom he sends out. It would be terrible of me to abandon a friend who has saved my life and builds his life on protecting me and my village. This isn't a question of doing or not doing, because I'm going out there to kill and there is nothing of which you can do about it so you might as well help me or explain to Shenlong why I went in alone."

"Yes, Kazekage-sama," replied the ANBU and he ran off to prepare the first strike.

_Please don't be dead already Shenlong or worse_, prayed Gaara to himself and the kami as he moved onward, leaving behind footprints that were blown away in the wind.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Breaking out

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I own Keiji and Shenlong.

* * *

The sessions were all the same, twice a day; each one would only be started with her talking about her dreams with the memories of her brother's death. Shenlong had never known it before but she was the sister of one of the hired assassins that was sent to kill Gaara, needless to say, Shenlong had killed him most heinously so she had grown up with a grudge. The only thing that made her different from all the other people who had a grudge against him was that he had been friends with her brother and she had developed a crush on him as child. As a child she had grown up with a lot of bad men, but the little girl that had once been there had died from a need to survive, letting another, more sadistic, form step in to take control. He could see in her a mirror image of himself, but maybe she was less broken by pain and loss then by her own tendencies. The world was spinning around him with only a bit of green light to make it all clear to him, the drug that she had injected into him working on his brain to turn it into mush.

"Well I must say things are getting pretty boring in these sessions so I thought I would try and find new ways to get break you," announced Yun, or mistress Yuna as she liked to call herself, walking around the table that he was on. "You see, I was able to steal some of the nightmare inducing drugs that you had with you and found that I could use a certain drug that will put you into a permanent nightmare that you'll be begging to wake from. Today is the day that I finally break you and those balls of yours, so you might want to say goodbye to them."

"If…you do…that…he will…come," said Shenlong wearily as he tried to lift his head but he had lost that energy a long time ago. "He will…come…and…you…will…die."

"Oh that sounds promising, but your threats have long since become empty," said Yuna as she prepped the needle and immediately injected the substance into his blood stream, sending a stinging sensation surging through his skull as he found himself facing his worse fear.

* * *

Naruto looked over the ridge at the base that his scouts had been able to locate, thanks to a few witnesses among the animals and the occasional guard who didn't do so well to cover his tracks. It was just above a bandit camp, most likely because the people in charge of it knew what they were doing since the guards didn't know what to do. He found it a bit too easy that they should locate them now, almost as if someone had wanted him to find him, but Gaara had not bothered to question it, his only worry being on the shinobi that was trapped inside and probably being subjected to torture. Not thinking about his action, Naruto placed his hand on Gaara's shoulder and found that the young Kazekage was too troubled with observing the attack to notice the hand on his shoulder. Few times had Naruto seen Gaara this troubled by a capture, but then again he knew that Shenlong was like an older brother who watched over Gaara and was just as much a part of Suna's recent success as Gaara was.

"I'll try breaking into the frontal point of the base and then we'll start exploding the places meant for ammunition," said Gaara as he finally turned to acknowledge Naruto, a thing that Naruto hated because it reminded him of his childhood. "I'll be leading the attack inside of this place and before you try to talk me out of it I just want to say that he is my bodyguard and my friend, I cannot forgive anyone who harms him just as he can't forgive any of those who harm me."

"I wasn't trying to talk you out of that, you barely acknowledge my presence for me to do that so how would I be able to talk you out of this," replied Naruto with a grin on his face. "Besides, I believe that it would be best if you go in since you are the strongest Suna ninja and we need the strongest ninja to go in there."

"Thank you for understanding," said Gaara and he then disappeared in his swarm of sand leaving Naruto to cover his face.

"There has got to be a better way to teleport than that," said Naruto as he covered his eyes and when he finally got a look he saw that he was unable to see much. "I just wish that someone would be able to tell him about that, maybe Temari or Kankuro, Shenlong wouldn't say anything because he has those damn ravens and the fucking bats, those things are worse than sand!"

"Um, Naruto-sama, how is that worse than sand," asked Sasuke as he looked at his friend and he saw the frustrated look on his face.

"Do you know how much guano those things leave every time he disappears," said Naruto as he looked at his and then he found himself shaking in his Hokage robes. "It just piles up, not to mention the 'presents' his bloody ravens leave, and all over the humongous stack of papers that always pile themselves on my desk. The janitor nearly had a heart attack trying to lift those things last time. Do you know how much bat shit weighs?"

"I wouldn't know, bats aren't exactly the best pets," replied Sasuke a bit disgusted by the very graphic description that Naruto had just put in his mind making for the most disgusting mental image. "Anyway, why are you letting him go? Those words you said to him sound like something that Yuki would say, not you."

"Look, I can't help if I find that my problems are solved when I let Gaara have his way with the situation," said Naruto as he relaxed himself a bit and noticed the puzzling stare that Sasuke was giving him.

"She's helping you get in good with Hinata again isn't she?"

"Yep!"

* * *

The multiple explosions had sent Yuna stumbling over her feet as she tried to keep her balance, but soon it seemed futile as she was nearly thrown down by a blast. Most of the guards were running around in the craze of what was going on in the base and she was wondering if this was somehow the "he" that Shenlong had been referring to. She pushed that thought away and looked out the window to see where the guards were running to, her call to have some fun. She turned to the man who was in charge of guarding Shenlong.

"Make sure that he doesn't break free and if it looks like someone will be coming to his rescue, kill him," ordered the kuinochi as she started for the door, not even bothering to hear the guards confirmation of her orders as she ran into the fray. Her dual kunai cutting through enemy shinobi in the front, until they all of a sudden called off their attack. "What cowardice is this that you go running off when a true fighter jumps into the fray?"

The explosion from the other side of the complex told her that her attentions would be better served elsewhere than where she currently was and with great haste she ran to get to the fight. Her blood was boiling and every instinct in her body was telling her to kill. It was that ever present drug that she reveled in and it excited her to know extent when she smelled death. There were times when death scared her and when she turned the corner and saw the strewn out corpses of her subordinates, each body severely dismembered. Standing in the fray of all of this violence was Shenlong, standing as calmy as a murderer, but his eyes were closed and it seemed like he had lost focus. Before she could take advantage of this however, claws grabbed at her as she was forced into submission by three demons that were obviously male. She watched in horror as her clothes were being ripped off and she knew what was happening, but at the same time it all seemed unreal for Shenlong to do this.

"Now then, I believe that karma says that what goes around comes around," said Shenlong as he turned to look at her with the most vicious red wolf eyes she had ever seen in her entire life and gave a depraved smile that only one person could give. Around his eyes were forming the familiar patterns of curse marks and she could tell that she was about to experience the most painful thing in her life. "Now it's time to have a taste of your own medicine, yariman. Do what you will before you are forced back into hell. You have two hours gentlemen."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Snake Wolf

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters.

* * *

He moved right down the hall until he found the area where they kept everything detained or confiscated from prisoners and took out the box marked with Black Wolf. He took back his black leather vest and place it on his bare chest, not bothering with the shirt that was in the box because he didn't care about it. Next he placed the leather trench coat on his body and retrieved his boots, polishing them with a cloth ripped from one of the dead guard's uniforms. Then he picked up each scroll and weapon and placed them in their respective pocket, making sure that he didn't do anything to mess up the organization of the coat, and then looked at his new body in the mirror. It was a temporary take over and Orochimaru had only a slight amount of control on Shenlong's body through the curse mark in his right eye. This eye held the malicious part of Orochimaru that had been the product of years of hating everything including himself over the death of his parents.

_I shouldn't stay here too long or someone from __Suna__ might __arrive_, thought Oro-Shenlong as he walked to the doorway and looked back at the room before setting an explosive tag in a drawer full of explosives. The tag was very long to give him the time he needed to walk out the front door of the place while Gaara and Naruto went for the prison cell just in time to either die from the explosion or watch the fake Shenlong die from the explosion. Without a single pause to make sure the coast was clear, Oro-Shenlong walked out of the building and stopped right in front of the lines of fighting and out of the complex, leaving it all behind him as he moved quickly to find the other body to jump to that he had left behind. The other part of Orochimaru, the part that still had some redeeming qualities, had not bothered to use the other body and had died because of that. Little did Oro-Shenong know, he was seen by Temari from the distance.

* * *

Gaara looked through each of the prison cells and freed the prisoners that were inside of there, but he kept on his way to find Shenlong. Every cell was pretty much a dead end, each cell left another after taste from that ever bitter illusion named hope and he was about to despair when he felt a familiar breeze on the back of his neck. _Temari_, thought Gaara as he turned around and he could still see the small cuts in the walls that would usually mean nothing, but in Gaara's case it was something that required his attention. He made his way down the hall and he saw that Temari was standing outside in a tree with no look out or back up, a terrible way to be so he thought she might have been in a fight, but as soon as she saw him she motioned for him to come forward. Moving to the tree branch she was on, Gaara turned in the direction he was looking and he saw something that he wasn't able to grasp right away.

"Is that really Shenlong," asked Gaara as he stood right next to his sister and saw a blond man who looked so much like Shenlong, dressed like Shenlong, and even wore shades just like Shenlong. "Why is he looking at the carnage that is going on and not going to help us or check in with me?"

"Around his right eye there is something of a black mark," said Temari outlined the dark area with her fingers before looking back at Gaara and then giving him a very saddened look. "Since he was an experiment of Orochimaru it's possible that a curse mark has just awakened in him and he's now been taken over by Orochimaru or at least some fragment of Orochimaru."

"You hit the needle right on the head didn't you, Temari," said Shenlong as he turned to face Gaara and Temari while removing his shades to show the curse mark that spread from around his eye to all over his body. "I've taken this body for the simple purpose of gaining another body and keeping myself from dying out unlike my other side. Now if you will be so kind as to not get in my way, I will let you live and I might let you have back your precious Shenlong."

"Orochimaru, you never learned not to underestimate those that you hide in," said Gaara as he took another step towards Oro-Shenlong and crossed his arms. "You don't have what it takes to kill me because I know Shenlong and I know that he could never bring himself to kill me or even hurt me."

"Now that is where you're wrong about the one who is underestimating who," said Orochimaru as he held out his arms and called upon the scythe that Shenlong used sometimes, but instead of attacking Gaara like he wanted to, Oro-Shenlong hit himself in the right eye, taking it out completely as Shenlong pulled it out, along with the influence of Orochimaru, or at least the present influence.

"Shenlong," exclaimed Gaara as he raced towards Shenlong, who had collapsed from the exhaustion of applying force to himself and then the added stress of pain. Gaara helped Shenlong up with his own hand instead of using his sand. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you resolve that problem without losing your eye, I should have had my professional medics check for any sign or possible force of it."

"Are you hurt Gaara-dono," asked Shenlong as he looked at Gaara with his one good eye and breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw Gaara nod. "I was afraid that I might have hurt you while under the influence of that prick and I'm glad that he called upon my scythe because I would never have been able to fight him without the help of it."

"Just what is the power of that scythe," asked Gaara as he held it and could not sense anything special about it.

"That scythe was a gift from the spirit of death itself giving me the only thing that helped me make myself," replied Shenlong before he passed out from the blood loss and exhaustion.

* * *

Naruto walked through the front door of his mansion that belonged to his father and was passed down to him as his inheritance while his father frequented one room. Something about the room was a bit off to Naruto but he didn't like to think on it at that moment because he knew that Yuki had been talking to Hinata, calming her down a bit. As he walked into the quiet of his living room he found that there was a jacket on the floor, Hinata's jacket to be exact, and as he went to get it he could see that there were a pair of pants not that far away from it leading to the master bedroom, their bedroom. _Thank you, Yuki,_ thought Naruto as he went for the door and as soon as he did so he sensed a kunai flying at him. He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face the one Akatsuki member not accounted for, Tobi or the recently revealed, Uchiha Madarra.

"You have over exerted yourself in finding me so much that I was able to get into your room without your guards even noticing," laughed Madarra softly and he held up his sword, tip pointing at Naruto. "And here I thought you were going to be a problem."

"You have one mistake, Madarra, my guards were sent away for tonight," said Naruto as he took off his robe, revealing the black suit with orange flames on it that he used for combat. "I was born fighting for myself, by myself, something you wouldn't understand a thing of, but right now I am fighting to save my kids and I will make this quick so that it won't ruin my night."

"Well then, let's see how you can do against the eye," said Madarra as he stared at Naruto with the deadly Tsukiyomi, but the image of Naruto faded away and there Naruto was, right next to Madarra with a sword in hand ready to strike.

Madarra blocked the attack with his own sword and the pushed Naruto back with a quick kanton no jutsu, but Naruto quickly turned the fire into fox fire with a demonic jutsu and then called forth the wind razor. Not being blind to the slight change in wind, Madarra sidestepped the attack and threw kunai at Naruto before Naruto shot out another wind jutsu, this one different because it sent out a breeze that took the form of fox. When the fox hit Madarra, however, Madarra puffed away in smoke and ws already in front of Naruto with his own sword ready to pierce him, but the head of Naruto turned into a fox that grasped Madarra's arms with its jaws while the real Naruto came from behind with his sword. He pushed wind chakra into his blade and then spat out fire to burn up what was left of Uchiha Madarra.

"Naruto-kun, what is that smell," asked Hinata from the bedroom. "Don't tell me you used that fox teleportation again."

"No it was just an old message that needed to be burnt away for the sake of the future," replied Naruto as he gathered his things and used his wind chakra to push the ashes into the winds.

* * *

Author's note: I've decided to see if people would like to submit songs that they would think are character theme songs for my oc's. I will then list those theme songs as well as shout outs to the winners of the competition. Characters eligible for this can range from any Naruto fan fiction that I have made including: Shenlong, Keiji, Renji, Shinji, Keichirou, Neko, Yuki, and any others that I have forgotten. 


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Planning

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

The breakfast table of the Uzumaki residence was filled with many different layers of breakfast items and it was really an eating frenzy as everyone grabbed for a bite to eat. Shenlong just waited quietly for everything to die down before he put a bit of rice on his bowl and before anyone looked his way ate it quickly, tying with Kakashi on speed eating. Kiba was a bit astonished by this feat since he had mostly seen Shenlong when he ate slowly and in some situations, creepily. The wolf jonins attire this morning consisted of a black long sleeved suede shirt with black jeans and a pair of black sandals. The newest addition to this was the black eye patch that was over where his right eye used to be and Neko was trying to abuse this weakness by making faces at him from his right side. This ended when he caught with a chop stick right between the eye from a distance of two feet and no vision.

"So what are we going to do now," asked Kiba as he looked at his brother/father-in-law and he saw him taking out a check list that Yuki had written for him before she left to go check up on the wedding planners.

"We're going to be getting invitations as well as trying to figure out who to invite," said Shenlong as he got up and then walked to the door where he greeted Gaara, who had just woken up. "Good morning, Gaara-dono, everything is laid out and by the fact that there have been no observed abnormalities in the tasting crew your food should be fine. I shall be taking my leave to go and observe any new findings in the field that would inform us of where the rest of that bandit cell went."

"Don't worry about that right now, I believe you should go see Tsunade-hime before she comes here and drags you down there," laughed Gaara as he pushed Shenlong into the direction of Tsunade's house and then waved the jonin on. "That man would die if it wasn't for Yuki helping to remind him that his health is also important."

"So Gaara, how are the relations with you and Rukia handling," asked Naruto as he handed Gaara a cup of milk since Gaara despised coffee, anything that could keep someone awake was an enemy of Gaara's.

"Things are going well, even though we did break up some time ago due to the incident," replied Gaara as he alluded to a terrible situation in which Rukia was kidnapped because she was the Kazekage's woman and Gaara decided that he had to break up with her to protect her. Shenlong was now in the habit of trying to get Gaara hooked up with a woman, but he did this in a very selective manner and hadn't pushed Gaara up the wall as much as Kankuro did.

"Yeah I'm sorry about that, but you know I'm sure that you will find someone good," said Naruto as he sat back and before he knew it he was watching his cup of coffee exploding in his face and hearing laughter from behind a bush. "Okay you brats get out here so I can hurt you!"

"You're gonna have to catch us," taunted Junpei as he started to run but he was immediately caught by Naruto while one of Naruto's tails caught his sister. "Dang maybe we should try and see if Shenlong would have any problem catching us."

"I wouldn't he is very severe in his punishment and discipline," warned Keiji from over his shoulder and he started letting his mind floating to the thoughts of what would happen to the kids if they tried to do anything. "Well let's just say don't screw with Shenlong, he might do something very dreadful."

* * *

"I am perfectly fine, Tsunade-hime," said Shenlong as she examined his chest, her chakra taking different pulses of his upper body to check for any infractions in it and then she started moving her hand up to his eye to check on that. "I'm sure plenty of people have lost eyes and walked away fine from it."

"Yes but not that many people have lived your life or contain multiple curse marks on their body," retorted Tsunade as she finally took her hands off of him and then started writing on her medical forms. "I can say that you are fit for combat, but it is easy for me to tell where you have been injured and if you keep up with that attitude you're body will suffer permanent damage."

"I cannot let my duties slip just because of harm that could be caused to my body," replied Shenlong as he got up from the bed and put his shirt back on with his old marriage crest under his shirt. "Can you tell me something?"

"What, oh yes sure, I've got time for a question if you got money to buy sake," said Tsunade as she looked at the clock, knowing that her assistant would come back soon.

"There has been this strange scent that smells familiar, but it seems as if it is masked strangely," said Shenlong as he put his sunglasses on and looked at Tsunade. "It smells like the Yondaime, but that can't be can it?"

"You're right the Yondaime is dead and the dead can't come back," replied Tsunade in a quick manner as she tried to hold in her surprise, knowing that Shenlong had a long standing grudge against the Yondaime for the accidental death of his first love Hoshi. (Origins of Shenlong part…I can't remember)

"Thank you I was thinking that but I guess I'm just having trouble burying memories," said Shenlong as he walked out of the office with one destination set for himself and the person that he knew was following him, the Forbidden Forest.

* * *

Minato followed Shenlong from his house and listened in on his conversation with Tsunade, noting the bit of hate that was still head in his name when Shenlong said it. _I shouldn't be surprised_, thought Minato as he sat back and listened to Shenlong. _Well then again I was the one who killed Hoshi, but I didn't mean to, I was just trying to end his life. No! That's a lie. I was just ashamed of my own mistake that caused him so much suffering and I wasn't ready to help him, but I have to help him now. _Then he noticed that Shenlong was leaving the house and he saw that he wasn't going back to the house and he was making his way to somewhere else. Minato followed him so he could try and keep him safe as a repayment for the wrongs he had done to Shenlong and he was trying to keep himself hidden because he doubt that he would be able to avoid a fight. As he followed Shenlong he started to realize where they were going and Minato got closer to Shenlong so that he could be ready to help him in case he needed it, but as soon as they had gotten a ways into the forest he saw Shenlong turn and face him.

"I know you're there Minato," said Shenlong as he started to take his sunglasses out but he let fly a kunai that hit near Minato's head when he tried to make an escape. "Oh don't tell me your leaving, I just want to catch up on old times and get some payment on a few debts you owe me. If you leave now you might be calling in others to pay on your debt."

"Shenlong this is between us, don't bring Naruto in this," warned Minato as he dropped to the ground, the kunai in hand. "No one, and I mean no one, threatens my son like that, even you Shenlong!"

"I'm not interested in hurting others even though that is the only way that either of us could get even," said Shenlong as he pulled out his scrolls and rolled them out. "You and I have unfinished business and there isn't a god damn thing that anyone can do about it."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Mortal Kombat

Disclaimer: I do not own Mortal Kombat or Naruto.

* * *

Minato looked at the ninja who was pointing the sword at him with the eye of a murderer burning at Minato, he could feel the hate in Shenlong. It was radiating off him like the rays of the sun and it stung like heat burn on Minato's face that threatening to break his skin up and dehydrate him. Minato could only assume the defense position, but he really didn't need nor want to fight Shenlong because it would be a crime if he killed Shenlong, a crime he could never forgive himself for. Shenlong was his fault, a haunting from his younger days when he was very idealistic about people, and Shenlong deserved his revenge in some way, this was his deserving and Minato only fought back because he couldn't abandon his son after everything he had done.

Shenlong reeled his fist back and punched at Minato who backed up from the punch before getting hit in the face from the knee while Shenlong grabbed his ankles and flew him right into a tree branch. With quick reflexes, the Yondaime was able to grab the tree and then flipped himself over to catch Shenlong in the stomach with his boot before kicking Shenlong right down to the ground with such a force that Shenlong left an impact crater. Every bone that was knocked out of place popped back instantly in a sickening, loud crack before Shenlong lunged at Minato with a pair of vicious kicks that hit him in the stomach and then he knocked the Yondaime back with his elbow, but the Yondaime grabbed it quickly and pulled Shenlong in a submission hold. To get out, he had to break his arm again and then kicked Minato right in the stomach to get Minato to let go before he came back with his arm healed.

_Kuso,_ thought Minato as he took a step back and pulled out his kunai with the blade pointed straight at the heart stomach and he stabbed the ninja right in his guts after doing this, but the ninja, so filled with rage and adrenaline, barely felt the stab.

"I'm sorry Shenlong, but you leave me no choice," said Minato as he pushed a rasengan right into the handle of the kunai, pushing it straight through him and nearly killing Shenlong if not for his fast healing abilities. _Mattsu, that attack should have taken a lot out of him, but right now he looks like he's ready to go for another fight. What's with him?_

"You're called forth, Raven," cried Shenlong as he sent out a massive black raven that shot its feather forth at Minato, who dodged each and everyone despite the chakra bursts that resulted in the impacts that were what kept the raven in their realm. "Now then Yondaime, I will take your life as payment for the life of my first love."

"Could I once again beg of your time so I can at least see my grandchildren be born," asked Minato trying to at least get some time for him to find some way to strike a bargain with Shenlong, it was his only way to get out of it without hurting Shenlong.

"Not this time, I will not spare you and let her death be un-avenged or the innocent boy I used to be," declared Shenlong as he attacked Minato, who blocked in the shock of Shenlong knowing who it was who took him to the devil. "You were the one who knocked me out and took me to Orochimaru and when you tried to kill me you did it to get rid of your own guilt for giving me a shitty childhood."

Minato punched and kicked, but Shenlong blocked both attacks and then used two kunai in his hand to attack the man and cut the Yondaime all along his shoulder before the Yondaime took out his own sword to attack. Shenlong blocked the sword cuts with his own kunai but as soon as the Yondaime put his wind element in it the kunai were cut down to ribbons, a victim of a futile fight. His anger at its dangerous limit, Shenlong called his scythe up from the ground and then jumped back into the shadows with his scythe a looming threat like an executioner. Some of the people who have been in the similar predicament would have cracked under the pressure, but the Yondaime was a strong man and he waited calmly and patiently for him to jump out with the scythe. The Yondaime brought his sword out, 

the hilt shooting right out of the sheath to hit Shenlong in the chin, but Shenlong managed to do a double kick right to the Yondaime's chest to send him back into a tree before someone grabbed him by the ankles and threw him down. He looked up to see Sasuke staring at him with his own sword out and a kunai in his hand that he threw right at Shenlong, stabbing him in the chest.

"Your clan would have lived if you had not gotten in my way, you impudent asshole," said Shenlong as he smacked Sasuke aside and went for the Yondaime again his sword out as he was about to impale the Yondaime, but to his surprise his sword tasted the blood of Sasuke. "Why did you get in the way, damn you, I didn't have any reason to kill you or need to?"

"He is the father of my best friend, my other brother, and I can't let that happiness be taken away from him," said Sasuke as he collapsed to the ground while Shenlong pulled the sword out of his wound and put a herb in it that would stop the bleeding. If the guards were quick enough then they would arrive in time to save him, but if not then Shenlong knew he would have to commit seppku so that Gaara wouldn't get in trouble.

"This has already cost us one innocent, who else has to die, will you risk what happened to Hoshi happening to someone else," asked the Yondaime as he looked at Shenlong and it was just something in his eyes that was adding a bit of doubt in Shenlong. What was it? Was it doubt that Shenlong saw? "You should get out of here while you still have a chance because once Naruto gets a hold of it then you will be left on the run and it will take a lot for Gaara to get you out of it, but I can help you there."

"Stop it! Shut up! You only want to use me like he did, that's why you took me to him, just to use me for your weapon, but I am Gaara-dono's weapon, and I will serve him forever!"

The eye of Shenlong was now glowing a murderous red that sent a chill down Minato's spine and did even greater damage when Shenlong started to punch Minato around with a new found speed and Mianto could see that Shenlong was changing. _Oh Kami, did I send him to this?_ The large wolf that was beating him around now while making blurs along the path had no sense of though and no sense of mercy as it continued to pound the ground causing some form of quaking and that is when Shenlong came in for the kill with his teeth extended ready to latch onto the Yondaime's throat, but before he could do that he was kicked back by a force that sent him into a tree.

Naruto stared at him with eyes that were filled with anger at Shenlong and he could see that Sakura was crying of Sasuke who was now straining to stop the bleeding, but it looked like it was all futile. Shenlong finally got a look at what he had caused and cried out to heavens above as he had become the very thing he had hated and in the end had ruined more lives.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: In Memory

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

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There was something wrong with what Minato was seeing as he looked at Shenlong through the bars of his cell, the same cell that he had been condemned to before, but this time the threat of death was on his head. He hated that once again Shenlong was sitting there, in the same chair that he had been sitting in before with the same look on his face that he had when he was there. _That blank look of nothingness and hatred mixed together_, thought Minato as he stood there looking at the chained Shenlong, who got to see his wife every few days when she was allowed to visit, but the elders had forbidden her from seeing him every day because she might help him break out. _If someone took those shades off of him they might see the eyes that could shoot our fire and bring death by their glare. Why does it always come back to you, Shenlong, my biggest mistake? Are you even alive any more or are you just a corpse come back from the grave to have your revenge?_ Those were questions the Yondaime wanted to ask of him, but he knew that he couldn't ask that of Shenlong because the possibilities of the answers were what kept him on the edge.

"You've escaped my vengeance again, Yondaime, all because I didn't take my vengeance," said Shenlong as he once again struggled from his bonds.

"Well of course I can escape something you didn't take," replied Minato as he tried to be humorous to lighten the mood, but Shenlong didn't look too amused.

"No I mean that I didn't make us even that night when you died," said Shenlong, a menacing tone in his voice that made Minato a bit nervous. "I spared the life of your wife and your son even though it would be the only way that I could get even with you, I'd even let you live."

"The fight is between us! Don't you dare try bringing Naruto into this, or his wife and child! When the time comes you can gladly have my head because killing Naruto and my wife would have been taking too much!"

"You killed the woman I loved and we were just planning on having a child, that child that could have been is also on the list of people killed."

"No, that would have never had been in the first place," said Minato a bit sadly as he tried to think of the best way to tell Shenlong the bad news, but in the end he would just have to break it to him and hoped that it didn't start a rampage. "Because of Orochimaru's experiments on you, you can't possibly bare children. In other words, you're impotent so I cannot be blamed for the death of a child that could never have been in the first place."

At those words the most unexpected thing happened, Shenlong disappeared from his cell and before the Yondaime knew it he was being slammed into a wall while Shenlong punched him over and over again. Guards had been rushing down there to grab him and restrain him, but it was hard tearing the mad ninja from his prey, well that was until Gaara and Yuki showed up. Shenlong immediately saw the distress in their eyes as they saw someone very dear to them be taken in by a maddening frenzy and he calmed down and allowed himself to be taken to his trial in front of the council. It was composed of both Suna and Konoha elders who were to be judges to Shenlong's trial with Jiraiya as the persecutor.

"Do you know the charges that are against you at the moment," asked one of the elders, an old woman in a green kimono.

"I assume attempted murder of the Yondaime, murder for Sasuke, and maybe a few other crimes from my old days," said Shenlong as he looked at the council and removed his shades to show off 

his eyes that brought back memories into the council's mind when Shenlong had been brought before them before.

"Sasuke is not dead and has requested that any charges against you concerning him are dropped," said another elder, one from suna, an old man with grey hair. "The only charge that is being put on you is for the attempted murder of the Yondaime by request of the Hokage as well as the murder of all those who lost their life during the attack. You will now find that the Hokage will be leading this persecution."

"Yes I will," said Naruto as he stepped forward, his face clearly expressing anger as he looked at Shenlong, matching the glare of Shenlong. "You cannot deny that you tried to kill the Yondaime, not once, but three times. How can you explain this?"

"I believe it will be known better by the court that I had every full right to that revenge because after breaking with Orochimaru's village I was ambushed by Konoha shinobi led by the Yondaime. When I engaed the Yondaime he managed to beat me and then sought my life with his word, but to my misfortune he found the life of Dr. Victoria Hoshi, my lover at the time. I was marked for death for a reason I had no control of and would have surrendered if asked to do so."

"Did you or did you not kill over twenty Konoha jonin during your time in the Sound village," asked Naruto as his own anger was growing.

"Again, I had no control over that and your father's hand are dirtier than mine."

"How dare you say that when you gave your blood to Uchiha Madarra to be used to summon the Kyuubi," shouted Naruto and the faces of the elders from Konoha turned angry and hostile while the Suna elders looked ashamed.

"May I defend myself," asked Shenlong as he looked at Naruto and Naruto begrudgingly nodded.

"I'd like to have the Yondaime called in here for questioning," declared Shenlong as he turned towards Minato who was sitting in the crowd. There were many gasps as the Yondaime took the stand, many people did not know that he had returned from the grave. "Can you tell me who helped you stop the demon fox by giving up a bit of his power?"

"You did," replied Minato.

"Now then, can you tell me exactly how I came to be in the possession of Orochimaru," asked Shenlong as he looked at the Yondaime and many people started to murmur.

"I kidnapped you from your shelter and brought you to him."

"I can therefore not be accounted for any deaths or killings I did and was therefore an innocent when I was attacked by this oppressor who made me what I was in the first place."

"You are still under the judgment of the charges of the damage cause by the nine tailed fox, which was summoned from blood that was willingly given," said the held elder of Suna before the Yondaime bowed before them and then made a surprising statement.

"I would like to request that instead of sentencing him, we could cancel the charges and have a duel between me and him," proposed the Yondaime and before his son could say anything he cut through the bonds on Shenlong and tossed him a sword. "This will decide not only his sentence, but my own for they could follow charges against me for the crimes against Shenlong to save him, this will decide the matter once and for all."

"This council accepts that decision seeing as it is the wisest one, you two may proceed just try not to cause as much damage to this village as possible," said one of the elders before the two were at each other's throats fighting. "Tell everyone to stay inside; I think this may very well get rough."

* * *

The fighting led them up to the top of the Hokage monument, the rock statue standing up to the swift attacks that would sometimes scrape the top, but never would either opponent call on a dangerous jutsu for fear that it would cause the faces to crumble. Yondaime had managed to use his sword to its fullest potential, shooting out the gusts of wind that came with it, but Shenlong had used his scythe which went well with his natural affinity for sand jutsus and could also double for any fire jutsus he had. The blade clanged against each other, but Shenlong would constantly spin it around in his hand so that he could attack twice as fast the Yondaime could, thanking his quick hands because his speed was definitely not up to par with the Yondaime unless he went all out and he was certain that the Yondaime wasn't doing the same thing for the same reasons. Jumping back, Shenlong managed to call up twelve spears that he sent after the Yondaime, but the yondaime just used a gust of wind to send it back at him. Shenlong cursed the fact that he had used more than one because he knew that though the Yondaime could dodge those he couldn't and was forced to twirl his scythe around to block them that left him open for a side attack from the yondaime which sent him sailing into a tree.

"That's it, now I'm going to give you a taste of the monster you helped to create," said Shenlong as he started to transform into his wolf form with sand shooting up to block any attacks from Minato, but the yondaime was able to follow a rasengan through the wall of sand. "Too late Yondaime!"

Shenlong grabbed his opponent by his feet with one quick motion and then flung him towards a tree which Minato caught and then swung around for a rebound that brought him right into Shenlong's drop kick. Shenlong then proceeded with a very vicious barrage of punches and managed to land a few 

before Minato brought two chakra infused fists hit Shenlong in two places and causing him to throw up. With a slight pivot, Shenlong feinted a jab, but instead he summoned up a surprise sword bursting out of the ground that nearly impaled the Yondaime if not for the Yondaime's quick thinking to use his wind chakra to push him back. It was futile for as soon as he landed there was Shenlong with a scythe right to his neck; Minato was ready for the inevitable death.

"For years I have waited to take your life for the sake of the death of the woman you killed," said Shenlong as he pressed the blade against the neck of Minato and then he moved it away. "But now for the memory of that woman I will spare your life, try not to make the same mistake."

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ello Readers, just want you to know that so far in the poll Shenlong has Riot and Animal I have Become. Please send in your ideas for any OC of mine.


	20. Chapter 20

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Chapter 20: Preparing for the Long Awaited Wedding

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

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He looked at the thing that was staring at him at the foot of the bed, its black orb surrounded by a ring of yellow stared right at him as he rubbed his eyes to make sure that he was looking at the right thing. The blond didn't know how the wolf cub had gotten there, but he was certain that he looked very odd with the wolf cub at the foot of his bed and stood up from the futon that he was on and cracked his neck a bit so he could feel the muscles there. The first thing Shenlong did was get a drink of water before he went into the bathroom to take a shower. There was a soreness in his right rib that still ached from when he had been kicked in it so he stretched until it started to calm down a bit and he looked at himself in the mirror. A lot of the bruising had gone away due to his healing abilities, but there was still one big bruise on his forehead that was from him being pushed back into a tree. That wound was healing rather nicely actually and Shenlong knew it wouldn't be there very soon.

"Well then, where did you come from and why did you come from that place, lost one," asked Shenlong as he turned to look at the cub and he could see the cub standing up on to toes while its paws were pawing into Shenlong's leg. "You look like you're from my tribe, did Nobunaga's mate deliver him some cubs already?"

"Yes, and he sent me here to tell you that you will have to make sure that there are no problems with the Inuzuka clan," replied the little cub before Shenlong picked him up and started to pet him.

"Hehehe, I wouldn't worry about any of them, they aren't too big on tactics, but I would be worried about outside forces," said Shenlong as he set the little cub on his shoulder and smirked at the cub as it clung there, afraid of losing its grip and falling down. "Anyway I will already be keeping an eye 

on her so the worrying is not necessary, but I suppose while you're here you could go visit your other uncle."

It was a nice and peaceful day at the train station as the guards waited for the arrival of people to come through the metal detectors, glad that the ninjas that they tried to escape from were all probably flying an airplane or dealing with whatever matters ninjas are in charge of. All the guards had to do was wait for the people to come in and start lining up to get on the train, the easy part of the job that any person could do, but they were decent amount of money for. Only slight was the fear that someone, a ninja, would come in armed to the teeth with all those little weapons and other shit that made their job a living hell, especially when that someone happened to be Shenlong, Suna's weapons master containing scrolls that carried weird and exotic weapons that brought nightmares to their minds on how he might use them and even worse, how he might use it on them. The guards were enjoying a quiet day drinking tea from the new cups that the company had sprung for them as a gift for doing their job well and being happy about it, something that made both of them like the company even more. It was a nice calm day where Autumn was about to relent to the colds of Winter and then the holiday season would arrive and everyone would be rushing around to try and get with relatives.

"I'm so glad we got that transfer from the airport to here, there is no one here who brings weapons or anything," said one of the guards as he started to fix his cap and took another sip of his tea before he realized that someone was standing in front of his station. The man was dressed in a black trench coat and had a scar on his face that made him appear very oppressive when added to his great stature and height. On his forehead was a headband from the leaf village and he had a cap on his head that was probably meant to cover up more scars on his head. "Excuse me sir may I help you?"

"Yes we're security for the Hokage, he will be coming soon to use the train along with Kaxekage, expect a train car to be completely sold out with a total of ten people, plus three animals," said the man as he flashed his identification and train tickets. "Most of the others will have their weapons in their luggage except for a few kunai that they may have, but the other man will be armed, you can search him if you want."

"Okay then," replied the confused train guard as he put his cup of tea and waited for the other guests to arrive. At noon there was someone waiting for him, a beautiful raven-haired woman who looked to be well into pregnancy who was supported by a taller blond with spiky hair dressed in white robes that signified leaders.

"Hello there, I'm the Hokage here for the train that's going to Moonlight Island," said the man as he presented the guard his identification and then walked past the guard with his wife and a few others, one with white hair that was fluffed into a spike that stuck out, one with short red hair, a couple that had a wolf and a dog, another man with short red hair in similar clothing to the blond who had just left, a woman with dirty blond hair that wore a black vest over a fish net shirt and last but not least, a tall blond man wearing sunglasses who stopped in front of their metal detector.

"Please remove all metal objects that you have," said the guard, not realizing his mistake before he got a better look at the man and started to recognize the group.

"Okay then, I believe we have some time," said the man as he started to take off his black leather trench coat and started to remove kunai from his pockets. Next followed the needles that were placed right next to the pile of kunai that filled up half a container, the needles took the other half and in three hours with six containers filled with weapons of all sorts. "That finishes up my coat, now do you have a curtain I can go behind or do I have to strip right here?"

"Sir, we don't have any curtains or any of the security stuff that you see in an airport," replied the guard in frustration, but he forgot to mention to Shenlong that is was unnecessary because Sehnlong removed his shirt revealing the large scar on his chest that stood out from the otherwise solid upper build of Shenlong. "Sir you don't have to do that, you can just take your seat!"

"Okay if you're certain it won't lose you your job then I'll take my seat," said Shenlong as he walked onto the train to see the annoyed looks of everyone on the train. "What, I was only trying to make sure that he kept his job seeing as how he obviously lost his job from the last time."

The rest of them sat quietly, not wanting to refute Shenlong because he would defend to the death his actions unless the Kazekage told him to drop it, which was very rare because it was amusing to see him argue. The couple started speaking first, talking to each other and then generally everyone started to join in on the conversation before everyone else decided to get in on the conversation and soon everyone was talking, save for Gaara. Shenlong talked a bit, but only when he was answering questions about the clan and to list any facts that were needed. For the most part he just sat reading while avoiding getting involved in the conversation, something he rarely did unless it was about a subject that he was an expert in, but they weren't talking about anything up his sleeve. It was a nice and peaceful train ride where everyone forgot for a minute who was who and what position they had in the world, though Shenlong still held honorifics in Gaara, and Naruto's name. About three hours into the train ride, Shenlong got up and stretched out before announcing that he would be visiting the other cars to try and find the restrooms.

"Are you sure there in the back cars I could have sworn they were in the front cars," said Naruto as he scratched his head trying to remember where the bathrooms were supposed to be.

"No I looked at the schematics and I found that it was in the back cars," replied Shenlong before he walked off to the other cars that were back there.

"There is supposed to be a bathroom in the front cars as well as each individual sleeping cars," said Kakashi as he flipped through another page in his book. "He just picked up a foreign scent but decided that he wouldn't distract us from our

* * *

The attackers jumped onto the railing of the back car and made their way into the last car that was kept dark for unknown reasons, probably because it was abandoned, but one could never know what the higher ups were thinking. They picked up their weapons that were trailing behind them and started to walk to the door when a candle lit revealing a blond man in a chair reading a book with shades on.

"So may I ask what you wish to do," asked the man as he turned another page in the book.

"We wish to kill the Kazekage to punish Suna for the destruction of the Spike village," said one of the intruders as he pulled out a sword. "We are shinobi and honorable ones at that, if our village is destroyed then we cannot rest until we have avenged it by killing the leader of that village that destroyed it. You should know this and so you know not to ask us to surrender or give up because that killing all those twenty five years ago will rear its head to destroy you and your Kazekage."

"Are you done," asked Shenlong as he raised his head to reveal wires tied around each finer and revealed each one to be wrapped around the intruders. One of the intruders opened his mouth to ask when, but Shenlong answered it before he could talk. "If you must ask, while you were giving that over blown speech about your duty to take out a loss that was purely the Spike village's fault for sending in ninja to hustle one of the towns under our domain and under a different Kazekage. A word of advice for your next life, if you're going to try and kill me bring more than a sword and some god awful clichéd speech. Goodbye."

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Don't forget to submit for the theme song contest.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21: Scars and Bruises

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything save for my ocs.

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Call it killing time, call it making the best of the small amount of time that he had, but Shenlong decided to sharpen his scythe while waiting for the person at the front desk to get a clue and find the reservation. She wasn't one of those people who could simply find the registration records on a computer after using it to instant message with her boyfriend, but they had never really used the reservations, people just showed up because they were there and the only person who had ever made reservations to the place was Shenlong. The silent, black garbed ninja waited patiently while he sharpened the blade in the lobby, making a lot of the people at the hotel a bit worried seeing as how it's an odd thing for one of your guests to be sharpening his blade in the lobby. He ran his tongue over the blade to test the sharpness and most of the other people felt their skin crawl as the word "masochist" popped into their head at one look at the black leather garbed man licking his blade to get a small cut on his tongue.

"You know I'm checking but I don't seem to know where to find it," said the lady at the front desk as she clicked on random things only to get everything but what she wanted. "Damn, why the hell are these Macs so weird?"

"Okay this will outlast a night in the Country of Snow where nights are longest," said Shenlong as he started to tap on the computer and found his own reservation without even looking at the screen. "As you can see I am right here with the number of guests and the security and VIP level so I believe that we can understand each other now."

"Yes sir, let me go get your car key printed out so I can find the correct address," said the lady as she went to the back and came back with four car keys. "I know that you will be expecting more later so I thought that I have all the rooms arranged for you to verify as soon as the people get here."

"Excellent, I'll bring in my lord and the lord Hokage and I'd also like to look at the menu for dinner," said the tall man as he walked outside to get the luggage and came back with many guests and other people carrying their luggage. Among them were a dog and a wolf with a small wolf cub on its back that was just so cute the woman at the desk had to smile with a blush.

"Thank you for your services, as limited as they were," said Shenlong as he walked up the stairs and could hear the steam fuming at of Yuki's ears because he had said something rude to the lady at the front desk, but it was just his way of saying things. "Okay then so does everyone know what they're ordering at the restaurant because we need to be back by eight to begin preparing everything with Maria and Renji."

"Yeah we both decided we'd try fugu just to try something new," said Kiba as he pulled Neko close to him and he noticed the look on Shenlong's face. "What, she is a mature young girl who can make decisions for herself and if she and I want to act all lovey-dovey then it's our business."

"Okay, pansy, don't get your panties in a bunch," said Shenlong as he took out a knife and started to use it to clean his fingernails, which were naturally like claws. "I'm only saying that fugu is a Japanese blowfish that if not prepared in the right way, you will hallucinate and die, now if you wish to take that risk by all means do so, I think Neko should just not come crying to me when her fiancé dies before the wedding."

"Mad burns," said Junpei as he was picked up by Keiji who started bowing in apology before Kiba tried to start a fight with the kid. "Ah come on dad I was just going to join them, you said I should have some fun."

"We planned this as a family and you know I don't trust your ass," replied Keiji as he dragged Junpei away from the crowd to his family and apologizing the whole time as not wanting to get his kids on Shenlong's bad side.

"Now then I think that we should be going to the restaurant right now, everyone can look at the menu on the way there," said Shenlong as he led them all out to the hotel to a limousine that was waiting to pick them all up.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the batcave...oh wait I mean: Meanwhile, on another part of the beach there was a group of perverts with a video camera and a video franchise waiting on the beach of the island only to find out that no women wanted to go for a swim in winter. They didn't know why it could be possible, but apparently the fact that they had to wear jackets didn't clue them into the fact that it was not a tropical environment, nor did the frozen water do anything or snow. These men were oblivious to everything except for women and that was what they put their jobs on the line for and that risk had made them over a million dollars in the industry with the biggest casualty being a very painful beating on the beaches of Gakko Island by the hands of very pissed off kuinochi and their boyfriends. Some of them had sand in places they didn't even realize they could get sand in, but that only told them that there was an obstacle and they were brain dead from the attack so they kept on with their trade having everything else beaten out of them that day. Yes that is right, these are the very same film crew from "Kuinochi Gone Wild," and they were there to make up for the upset at the island. Now they needed to do things that were desperate and slightly illegal, go peeking into the women's bathhouse and videotape it. They were armed with all types of cameras and lenses with long range capability and they could videotape it without being anywhere near the bathhouse, but they did have to set it up which would be the most dangerous task.

"Okay we're going to need two lucky bastard to stay behind and watch this," said the man in the sunglasses as he looked at all of them, none of them were volunteering because it was one of the most dangerous jobs that could be given and he chose two to do it. "Now we have to be real professional about this and make sure that we get this or we'll be out of a job."

* * *

"What could you have against this Sugar Ray song," asked Naruto as he looked at Shenlong who had voiced his own misgivings for the song that was playing.

"Okay listen to the lyrics," said Shenlong before singing, "Every morning there's halo hanging from corner of my girlfriend's four post bed. I know it's not mine, but I'll see if I can use it for a weekend or a one night stand. Couldn't figure out, how the word got out."

"Yeah and," asked Naruto as he looked at Shenlong.

"He talks about cheating on his girlfriend with something that is hers and writes a song about it and he's wondering how it got out," replied Shenlong in a way that made everyone laugh, it was Shenlong's stand up criticizing moment. "Then we look at the other lyric: 'She said we couldn't do it. You know I want to do it again.' Then you have the voice coming in singing, 'Shut the door baby don't say a word.' And it's a deep, somewhat demanding voice that really worries me that he took it from unwillingly and that is just not something that you would want in your song. Just like that Robin Thicke song, 'Lost Without You.' Listen to some of the lyrics they are creepy as hell man and I don't see why so many people like it."

"You are just so critical of everything, Shenlong-san," laughed Naruto as he continued to eat the special ramen that he had ordered with Hinata to share it, but found himself fighting Hinata for the noodles until he relented and gave her most of the noodles because she was the one carrying the baby. "You seem pretty hungry there, baby."

"What a rude thing to say there, dear," said Hinata as she started to increase the grip on his neck that she had been stroking a minute ago. "That isn't the appropriate thing to say about my weight now is it dear?"

"No I can barely breathe, Hinata-chan," gasped Naruto as his face started to go blue. "Please, Hinata-chan, I was commenting on your weight at all, in fact you have a nice figure for someone who is pregnant."

"For someone who is pregnant! What do you mean by that, _**dear**_?"

"Nothing….you…are…the…most…gasp…beautiful….woman…in….the…world," gasped Naruto through the breaths that he could get out and he was saved by the sudden intervention of the girls. (Sakura and Ino had arrived with their dates earlier while Shino was spending time with Hanabi at another restaurant.)

"Oh, Hinata-hime, we'll be late for the hot springs if we don't go there right now," said Sakura as she got up and added the princess to Hinata's name because she knew Hinata liked it when people added the –hime to her name.

"Okay, see you later, Naruto-kun, I love you," she kissed his cheek and then left.

"How did Anko act when she became pregnant," asked Naruto as he gasped for air, his face turning from blue to red to a regular color.

"Let me put it this way, I'm glad I was a bit masochistic," replied Keiji, who had wound up being in the same restaurant as them as things turned out and the night became a competition between Junpei, Kiba, and not surprising Neko, who didn't want to be left out of the fun. "So what about the hot springs?"

"Oh hell no, I am not doing that again," said Naruto as he shook his head and then took a sip of his glass as he remembered the pain of it all. "I barely survived that punishment and then they did something that no man should have to go through unless he wants to."

"No I mean are you sure we shouldn't be going with them," asked Keiji as he looked at Naruto a bit taken aback by the answer.

"Oh, Shenlong has a system set up so no pervert is gonna get out of their alive once those wolves catch his scent and tell Shenlong," replied Naruto.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22: Who Invited the Wolf

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto in any way shape or form, in rights anyway.

* * *

Whether James was lucky or not he didn't know, but what he did know was that he liked seeing naked women in the hot tub washing themselves and leaning back. Especially when they were hot, and these women that he saw were the hottest of the bunch, like celestial beauties bathing in the rare waters of life that every man drank from. Oh god, how he wanted to drink from that water and let it feel him with the essence of beauty that these women possessed in front of him, and he knew for a fact the rage that they would unleash upon if they discovered because he recognized them. He had been on the crew when they went to their very extravagant trip to Gakko Island to film some of the beauties there and saw a bunch of beauties that would have made any man give up everything he had for that one tape, just to get a glimpse of it, but like all the most beautiful women, they refused and their boyfriends had beaten them up. It was not a very holly jolly time for them, for many had lost the teeth needed to sweet talk women during the time they got away to the bars and there had been a major disappointment in the sales because they hadn't been able to get that much else that could compare.

Now there he was, watching at the beauties, all of whom were only naked when hallucinated mind you, they still had towels on, but he was still there hoping that he would get a lucky chance to take a peek at what was underneath, the chance of looking at those perfect bodies that lay beneath, even the one that was pregnant was hot, she made pregnancy look very fine indeed. He looked at the camera to make sure that the steam wasn't getting into the protective bag that was used to cover it or else he would have to make one of the steadiest changes because if not then they would hear and he would enter a world of pain. All he could was sit and watch and wait for anything that would happen as the women in the bath house talked amongst each other and were about to probably talk about their bodies. It would have been a lot easier if he wasn't "excited" by the situation or the fact that he hadn't eaten for some time, about seven hours.

* * *

Shenlong tuned the guitar in his as he tuned the guitar strings to the standard E chord before he started go hammering on the guitar with his pick. Most of the people were trying to get the stage set up while the rest of the band was looking at the music sheet that was just turned into a tab key because Shenlong couldn't read music to save his life. The other guys, save for Gaara, were chatting about who to hook Gaara up with since he did seem to be a bit down with the current situation that his love life had decided to take, even seeming more depressed that he had before they had tried to set him up on a blind date. Shenlong was monitoring all women that Gaara had interactions with to see if they were possible candidates for Gaara's wife and received a very surprising result from Sakura, who seemed to treat Gaara the kindest, though whether it was pity for lost love or pity for his life or pity at all, Shenlong could not tell. Gaara seemed a bit passive at times and always had something on his mind though he couldn't figure out what it was that he was thinking about or what he was trying to grasp in his dreams that seemed to be somewhere between awake and dreaming. He drank the tea that he had ordered while most had ordered a beer or a soda while he looked on at his best bodyguard and close friend. Hopefully Shenlong would know how to help him with his crisis, who else could he turn to besides Naruto and though he may have gotten wiser, he lacked the ability to understand emotional problems.

"Yes I would like to have the attention of the groom and whatever you call the grooms friends," said Shenlong over the microphone that was on the stage for the live entertainment. "I've just received word from one of the lookouts and we have one in the hole."

"Were we hunting something," asked Kiba before his best man and, as he found out that morning, brother-in-law, Shino, gave him a look that Kiba knew meant he should have thought about his comment before he said that. "Okay so let's go beat those perverts up!"

"And along the way we can find your brain," said Shenlong as he picked up his sword and walked out to the motorcycle that would follow the official groom's limo.

* * *

"Hey forehead girl, you don't seem to be in a talking mood," said Ino as she tried to get her best friend to talk by grabbing her breasts from behind, but still Sakura seemed to only make the reflexive backhand that Ino could dodge any day of the week. "Oh please don't tell me you're still sad from Sasuke leaving you, I mean he didn't do it because he didn't love you or anything, he did it because he couldn't escape the guilt that he felt."

"Yeah, that's why he ran off to the woman who housed the children that he had been keeping behind his back," said Sakura as she crossed her arms and then turned to look at the water with a half-sad half-angry look that made the water get somewhat hotter than normal.

"He didn't know about them until a week before he left and he did it because he couldn't forget about his many crimes," said Ino and was relieved to see somewhat of a relieved face on her friend. "Just let it be and get over that bastard while you try and get you someone just like Ayame and Shizune are trying to do."

"Hey don't bring this black cloud of cheering up and shit to us, we broke up to see other people since we're both bi," said the two at the same time like a comedy routine or a married couple.

"Well thanks Ino, I think I can finally put that all behind me now," said Sakura as she hugged her friend and at the odest moment, her towel fell off as she did that. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH."

"It's not that big of a problem, after all we are all women and this is a bath house so it's okay for us to show our bodies," said Tsunade as she took her towel off to reveal a very fine natural body with very nice curves that made the hiding James decide that he was fortunate after all. And just like that most women agreed to it and took of their clothing except for those who were either shy or had lost their towel somehow.

"Well I have gotten bouncier," stated Ino proudly before looking over at Tsunade and then sighed. "I'll never get as bouncy as Tsunade-hime though, she always seems to manage to get her figure in the nicest manor that I can't do, no matter how much I try."

"Well it's not just in bounce and sometimes these can be a bother like I still haven't found a bra size and it gets too nippy during the winter," replied Tsunade with her own sigh, unaware that she was exciting the pervert hidden in the secret compartment. "Now Hinata, Temari, Anko, Kurenai, and Yuki all have excellent figures with breasts that are not too big or too small so you can see that breasts aren't everything."

"Yeah I agree with that and sometimes you have to have a wild sexy style to it all," cheered the very Naruto-like Anko, but she stopped to sniff the air as she came across a very familiar scent that was in the air and smirked. "Oh we have someone here with us right now and a man by the smell of it, hiding in a compartment with a nose bleed."

The hiding James wiped his nose to find that he had a nose bleed and the kuinochi that he had been staring at a second ago was now in front of the covering. He felt familiar warmth and wetness that was right down there on his crotch, right in the spot that he had once felt tightness in, but now all he could think of was that he was going to be beaten to death by gorgeous women. It was on his ways of preference to go, right under being stabbed and then bleed out from sex or to be swallowed whole by a vagina. (Typical perverted ways to go.) The situation reminded him of his favorite System of a Down song, Violent Pornography, only he was sure that the only thing that was going to be hammered were not guitar strings. Quickly he did the only thing he could do besides crapping his pants, he started open the crawl space out and tried to climb out but he felt a hand on his ankle already, pulling him back. With a desperate burst of strength he managed to break the hold on his ankle, but before he could get anywhere a strong hand grabbed him and slammed him against the wall. A sword was embedded into the wall right next to the poor man's head as he gazed into the dark shades of a tall blond man with moustache and a small beard.

"Your leader dipped out on you and most of the others are scared stupid so I don't know where he is headed so tell me where he is," demanded the blond man as he tugged the sword a bit to show that he wasn't playing around. "Now I'm going to ask you the question and then hit you. I'll only ask once and you will decide if I hit you with the blunt side or sharp side. If you lie I'll kill you, if you try to lie I'll kill you. If you make a mistake under pressure I'll kill you, if you leave out one little detail, I'll kill you. DO you understand?"

"Yes," shrieked the frightened James.

"Good, because if you didn't, I'd kill you. Now where is your leader?"

* * *

Mategu had thought that he had gotten away from them, that he had been the lucky one in the group while the others suffered pain, but he'd make it up by giving them a bit of a bonus with the money it was making, just enough to make it seem good. He smiled as he went to the mini-bar of his sweet, only to find that the beer that was in there was gone so he took the wine. Wine was better for the occasion, a toast to getting away with illegal things and then he could blackmail the Hokage for him to not show the video of his wife. It was all playing directly into his hand until he walked into the living room to see that there was a sand dummy of his on the couch with kunai and shuriken in it.

"Please sit down," said a blond man who was standing next to the window. "You'll increase your chances of death just by running away, for my men have the building surrounded and the other guys have this floor surrounded. You'd never get out of here alive."

"What are you going to do to me," asked Mategu as he took a sip of the wine straight from the bottle.

"First, I'm going to beat you with the blunt side of my sword, if you scream during that time I'll turn it around," said the blond man before turning towards the man and letting the pale moonlight to hit the back of his sunglasses so there was a faint glow of red in the shades. To say the least, Mategu wasn't going to be in the sequal if I write it. "I asked you to sit down, must I use wires to restrain you there because if I do, something will be cut off, I can assure you that. This is the punishment for filming Kazekage-dono's sister and his good friend, Hokage-sama's wife as well as my own wife. For that, you will find only pain as your reward."

* * *

Author's Note: Well finally got this chapter out. Well I have three entries for Shenlong's theme song: Animal I have Become, Riot, and Let the Bodies Hit The Floor. Keiji has one for Original Prankster. Expect the next chapter to see some of Shenlong's prank skills as well as some funny moments.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23: Prankster Wolf

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything else.

Author's note: I wonder who Gaara will end up with or if I should put it as a poll. Should it be Shizune ("Kazekage-sama, may I have my assistant back," asked Tsunade as she knocked on the door that had various noises coming from it.) Ayame ("No wonder your ramen tastes so good," said Gaara as he licked his lips.), or Sakura ("Oops, my finger slipped," said Sakura as her hand wondered to a place not covered on the physical.)

* * *

Shenlong walked down to the one place where he could be alone to think of his plan besides the bathroom, while the breakfast table was alive with chatter, the worst place for him to think up his new and ingenious plan that would ensure him a laugh. He sat on the terrace of the condo that could double as a mansion and took a look out at the entire island, taking in its rich beauty and its perfectly green sea that looked like the work of a painter. The piece of paper on the desk marked the planning paper that he would use to plan out his prank, wanting it to be a masterpiece since if the girls got them it could be the last prank they ever did. While he planned this whole thing he out he lit a cigarette in his mouth and pulled out his cell phone to give a call to a few people he knew that sold coconuts in every size. He carefully placed an order while looking for other components to his mission and felt a bit disappointed that they didn't have coconuts that were small enough. With a bit of a sigh as he looked for an alternative he found that the same place that sold luau skirts, sold individual leaves that were big enough to suit his purpose and he could make them narrow enough, he just had to do some cutting and tying. _Now then I just have to get the other guys into this idea_, thought Shenlong as he looked out at the snow that was moving around. _I'll ask when we go out for ice skating._



* * *

"Where is Shenlong," asked Gaara as he looked up from his morning briefing and plate of pancakes to notice that his friend and bodyguard was gone from the table. "Don't tell me he noticed a rogue ninja outside on chance."

"No, he said he was going to make a call on the preparations for today," answered Kiba as he took another bite of the eggs on his fork to find that they were all gone. "Neko-chan did you take my eggs again?"

"I know not what you're talking about," said Neko as she tried to look away while chewing on the stolen eggs, trying to swallow them before Kiba could notice, but he had already figured out where they had gone so he started to eat some of her eggs off of her plate. "Oh so that's how you want to play, eh?"

Both Neko and Kiba started to eat off of each other's plates before Shenlong finally stepped in and made his presence known when his fork swooped in to take the last two eggs off of both of their plates and then ate them. He then proceeded to take his place right next to Yuki with his new eye patch on display as well as a piercing that he got the night before as a tribute to his inner masochist since he would have to pierce his ear every day. It was just another thing that he did that made everyone cringe a bit when they saw him finger his piercing, but Shenlong had gotten it for very nostalgic reasons because it reminded him of his father who had a piercing as well. It was part of that stolen childhood that he had been denied of when he was a small child and he was getting it back as well as the other reasons that people normally get a piercing. With a swallow of his mug of coffee, Shenlong cleared his throat to start talking when someone just happened to burst into the room in a flash of green as well as another form of green that was right beside them, both making the people in the room sweat drop.

"HEY EVERYBODY, LIFE TREATING YOU GOOD," exclaimed Gai to the whole room, the room next to the room, the room after that, the people outside, the people in the port-a-potties in the forest, and pretty much the whole island.

"I'm going to kill you, idiot," said Shenlong in his low and menacing voice as a dangerous glint appeared in the tint of his sunglasses and he picked up a various object and beat Gai right through the house. Literally, he was knocked throught he floor boards..

"GAI-SENSAI," shouted Lee as he jumped down into the hole that Gai made when he was beat through there and everyone was happy.

"Okay then, I think we were all going to the ice skating rink so let's all go out and find this place before it gets too crowded or they get back up from there," suggested Shenlong as he went to get his black leather trench coat and put it over his tighter black shirt over a leather vest and black long sleeve shirt. "Well come on everyone, time waits for no one."

* * *

The pure white snow fell on the ground around them, covering the ground with it's pure joy and beauty that filled the very soul of the group as they walked through the winter wonderland that was presented to them, each couple arm in arm as they walked to the ice skating rink. Each person had their skates already picked out to their favorite color and design by Shenlong and they were waiting for their owner right on the rack of the shoes room. Naruto didn't waste time putting his ice skates on while Hinata did the same to go out on the ice at the same time as her husband and Kiba was putting his on as well. Everyone else was talking or in Kakashi's case, reading, while Naruto challenged anyone who wanted to try the Kyuubi's speed to a race and of course, Kiba jumped to the challenge to do it. In a few seconds Naruto was far off in the distance of the skating rink, which was very big mind you, and laughing his head off before he noticed that a snowball was being thrown at him. He saw something else in the remnants of the snowball, a piece of paper that was signed with the familiar scent of Shenlong's blood and Naruto knew that meant something important. He skated over to where Shenlong was hiding behind a tree with a very trickster grin on his face that was infamous throughout the world except for prankster worlds.

"Call the guys over and tell the girls it's a battle of the sexes snowball fight," said Shenlong as he started to skate away to a fort that he had probably formed with a water jutsu.

"Okay then," Naruto picked up a snowball and made the traditional 'men huddle up' call while throwing a snowball at the girls, which was a mistake because they immediately started to throw a volley of snowballs. "Men, retreat to the snow fort!"

"I'll stay out of this," said Kakashi as he went to the side lines of the skating rink and read at the same time.

"So what did you do that for," asked Kiba as he tossed a snowball over his head and hoped that it hit something before turning to Shenlong to hear the answer.

"I have a prank that I want us to pull off," said Shenlong as he picked up a leaf blower and used it to keep the kuinochi at the west of the fort at bay as he explained his plan. A grin spread on the face of every shinobi in the ice fort as the prospect of it made them laugh. "Okay I believe we should be using the retreating path of this fort so that they go to the hot springs and go back to the hotel. The hot springs should make them too tired to start a fight with us over the snowball fight and we can all have some cocoa while I put sleeping powder in it."

"No it would best if I did it that way they aren't suspicious of their drinks," said Shino as he looked at the group and they all agreed, Shino was the least likely candidate for a prank.

"Okay then let us call this prank an official operation by the 'Manly Brotherhood of Men,'" declared Naruto as he jumped up for a trust dance. "Okay everyone on three. One! Two! Three! To be a man you must have honor, honor and a peeeaaanis!"

"You have got to be kidding me," said Shenlong but he saw that most people were doing it except for Neiji, Gaara, and Shino who just looked with a 'my dear god I am surrounded by assholes' look.

* * *

"I can't believe those cowards ran off like that," laughed Anko as she walked back with the rest of the women to their summer mansion/hotel.

"Yeah, girls rule, even if they did get us badly we made them retreat," declared Ino and Sakura as they gave each other a wonder twin high five.

"God do you girls have to be noisey," asked Junpei as he poked his head out the door and was soon pulled out to be beaten soundly while the other men finished the preparations that they had been making. "Why me…?"

"Hey honey, how about some cocoa," said Keiji as he greeted his wife with a kiss on the lips and he noticed how Yuki just walked to Shenlong before he got up and hugged her into his leather coat that hung over his shoulder like a cape. _Well I guess he is caring in his own manner._

"Something to keep the warmth in your body from the cold of the outside," offered Shenlong as he sat back down with Yuki on his lap.

"Yeah, you look cold Hinata-chan and the baby needs some warmth," said Naruto as he helped her to the chair.

"Why are you guys acting so nice," asked Sakura as she was offered a cup of cocoa from Gaara who offered it to Shizune and Ayame.

"My guess is a peace offering so we don't kick their butts again," said Ino as she took a sip of her cocoa and all women nodded and drank their own cup. In a few minutes they were all knocked out by the sleeping powder put into their drinks and the men had started to change their clothing, each man to his girl except Gaara who had to dress Shizune, Ayame, and Sakura.

* * *

"What happened last night," asked Tsunade as she woke up in the morning and then felt a strange feeling on her chest, like it was contained by something for each individual breast, like a bra. She looked down to find that she had been changed into a coconut bra with a luau skirt, but her underwear was still the same. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

"What is this," screamed Sakura as she noticed that unlike all the other women who had bras of coconuts, she had a leaf and on it was written 'sorry there is no coconut that small.' Though she had developed a bit, she still lacked a bit in size.

"Who did this," asked Anko as she looked at herself. Then it all clicked into their minds after the shock had worn off.

"BASTARDS," was the cry that was heard around the island and a chase had begun.

* * *

Sanjuro has gotten two song votes, I'm just a kid and I'm an Asshole, which has also been given to Shenlong.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24: The Jokes on Them

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

The chase was on very furiously as the men immediately started running when they had heard that the women had already awakened from their slumber and they were bounding through the island city like a group of mad bulls. Sort of reminded people of the running of the bulls except the people to the bulls would be a group of women and obviously no one got hurt as there was no large stampede bulls that could severely cripple whichever retard decided it was fun to run in front of a fucking bull. Ahem! Anyway, it was a very odd thing to find a bunch of grown men running through the city shouting phrases like "oh my fucking god, I am a dead walking through the street," "my girl is going to rip my guts out and then use it for the lining of lingerie," or the rather interesting "I need a cup, she'll go for my balls first." To say the least it was very peculiar start to the morning of Moonlight Island as the men ran with a spiky haired blond leading the pack as they split up into a group to escape the following women that was chasing them or so they thought. The women had decided to try a new tactic which involved them doing something very different, instead of hounding them like a pack of hungry cheetahs on a fat kid, they actually decided to guide where they ran by hiding in selective places.

* * *

Author's note: the old man I paid to write that part passed on at the tender, youngish age of 98. A moment of silence for him.

* * *

Shino ran alongside his team mate and friend Kiba as the two ran from the threat that was going to cause them both unbearable pains as they would be resurrected and beaten to death in seemingly endless violent cycle. A kunai flew over their heads as they heard the shouts of Neko and for a brief second, Kiba smelt his sister coming right from their left so he pulled Shino into the building on their right and was surprised to find a woman in the house motioning for them to come forward. With certain death hanging in every other direction except for that one, Kiba and Shino ran inside the house to find the woman inside quick to close the door after them. The house was very small, but nice in its own way, the walls decorated with a nice cutesy animal wallpaper while around it were many nostalgic tinkering of a childhood that begged not to be forgotten or left to adulthood. On a small table with a dandy yellow table cloth draped over it was a stack of waffles that was right next to two coffee mugs that seemed to be waiting. The two curious shinobi turned to the woman who had sheltered them from harm and they saw that she was smiling at the both of them, which only put them more on their guard as they wondered as to what she could be doing and how she knew that they were coming.

"I was expecting someone else, but unfortunately he didn't come," answered the woman to the question that was hanging above the air over their heads. "My name is Cerene and feel free help yourself, I made a few pancakes without anything so feel free to help yourself."

"Okay thanks for the help," said Kiba as he started to find himself very itchy and scratched himself furiously only to find that there were small bugs falling from his hair as he did that, a bug that he had become familiar with during his time of taking care of the many canines. "What the hell? Shino you bastard I got fleas!"

"Well they need a home to," said Shino as he dodged his partner who was lunging at him before shoving a waffle into Kiba's mouth to quite him. After seeing his partner subdued somewhat from the choking sensation in his throat, Shino took a bite of a waffle and found himself coughing up a bubble as well as his friend. "What are in these waffles?"

"Oh you know peanuts and soap," chuckled the woman as she started walk off as the shinobi at the table spent time coughing bubbles and scratching themselves. (well only kiba.)



* * *

"Quick into this bar," exclaimed Keiji as he practically jumped into a bar with Naruto following him just as fast while they were being chased by a pissed off looking Hinata and Anko.

"Crap that was close," exclaimed an out of breath Naruto as he shut the door behind them and looked at what appeared to be a woman strip dancing on a catwalk. "Okay Hinata is going to double kill me if she knows that I've been here."

"We'll just tell them we went out the back way," said Keiji as he walked to the bar. "I need a drink and if a woman happens to strip while I do that then I'm fine with it."

"I'm wondering why my father chose such a pervert for a godfather, but then again he did have a perverted sen-," started Naruto but he saw something that made him stop mid-sentence and Keiji saw it as well. The next thing they knew they were outside of the bar and trying to rinse their eyes out with the water in a water fountain in hopes that it would be able to be washed out of their memory. "MY VIRGIN EYES! Why did the first bar you walked into have to be a drag bar?"

"I didn't know that it was a drag bar," shouted Keiji in return as took a deep gulp from the bottle of beer that he had gotten from the bar. "It said 'Oasis' on the front of the place, not 'drag bar!' Anyone could have made that mistake, especially when being chased by psychotic wife and a pregnant wife!"

"I'm beginning to think they played us," said Naruto as he looked at Keiji. "Or maybe Shenlong is playing us."

"God damn you Shenlong," cursed Keiji to the heavens in hopes that they would answer his call and kill the crafty Shenlong.



* * *

"Well then things seem to be doing very well," said Shenlong as he sat back in his chair. "Okay then I need you to aim a kunai right across Shikamaru and Chouji's nose. Woah! Hell that came close to hitting him in the head! I said across his nose not up it!"

The attendant who had been throwing the kunai in that area had taken off his goggles to reveal a lazy eye that pointed to the left instead of straight and said, "sorry sir, I'm doing my best."

"Who made this man a kunai thrower," asked Shenlong as he looked at the man and another man stepped up who also had a lazy right eye that went to the left.

"I did sir," said the man. "He's my cousin."

"Who is this man," asked Shenlong to his second in command, Shinji.

"He's an asshole, sir," replied Shinji as he bowed to Shenlong.

"I know that who is he?"

"That is his name, sir, Jounin Asshole, sir," replied Shinji.

"….and his cousin," asked Shenlong, slightly afraid to ask the question because he was very concerned that his fear of being surrounded by assholes.

"He's an asshole too sir, Kunai Mate First Class Souta Asshole," replied Shinji a bit afraid of what his superior would ask.

"Just how many assholes do I have on this crew anyhow," asked Shenlong and was surprised to find that every hand shot up into the air. "I fucking knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes."

"But sir, what about Chouji and Shikamaru, you only sent the old man," questioned Shinji as he tried to turn the subject to another matter.



* * *

"Oh the old man is all I need," replied Shenlong as he gave a smirk at the thought.

"Okay, could you please get out of our way," asked Shikamaru with a sigh as he stared at the old man that was standing in front of him. The old man seemed to be very senile and talked to himself a bit, but as soon as either he or Chouji walked towards him, the old man would snap out of it and swing his cudgel at them.

"You are an intruder and none shall pass," said the old man as he started to perform hand signs for what appeared to be a dangerous jutsu that summoned what the two thought was an earth dragon, but it turned out to be something else. "Pudding Dragon No Jutsu!"

"Pudding dragon," repeated Shikamaru as if he had mistakenly heard something else, but as soon as he looked at his friend who was sniffing the air with a hungry look he knew that he had unfortunately heard right. "Oh dear god this is embarrassing…"

* * *

"So what's the story with you two guys," asked Naruto as he looked at the two shinobi who seemed to be stuck in the corner while one quietly and slowly munched on his chips. The whole gang of men had regrouped to find out how each one of them had been had by Shenlong and the women, even Gaara and Kankuro.

"The pudding had Metamucil in it," said Chouji, who looked a bit thin from the last time Naruto had seen him. "Too much damn Metamucil if you ask me…"

"That damn old man had some moves," grumbled Shikamaru as he held the ice pack to his bruised cheek. "He didn't even realize he was fighting though."

"What about you guys," asked Keiji as he looked at Kankuro and a fuming Gaara.

"Damn kaoroke fanatics," cursed Gaara as he took another gulp of his drink.

"What," asked Kiba who was wearing a flea collar so he didn't have to get a flea bath.

"Let's just say Shake Ya Ass by Mistikel is not going to be on his play list for a long time," replied Kankuro as he took a gulp of his drink. "Gay Bar will not be on mine as well."

* * *

Minor side note: THe old man was not dead, just sleeping. That is all.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25: How to Set Up a Wedding

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

All of the students were waiting joyfully to begin their fun day of learning with their beloved Neko-sensei, who had been teaching the class ever since they had been assigned her by the Kazekage. It all seemed to be an adventure as they were being given special training that no other Chunins were getting and they got to go places. Now, since their sensei had a very strict sensei, she was pretty laid back on how she came down on them, but she still made sure that they didn't lolli-gag either. Of course, since their sensei was getting married they had to attend the wedding so it was almost like vacation for them as well, but they were constantly reminded that they were still to be ready for missions. The three brave Chunin who had braved the toughest Chunin exams in the history of any village besides the Mist, decided that they would treat it like a vacation. Unfortunately for them, they had just been called on for a mission.

"Where is Neko-sensei, I want to get this mission over with so I can go back to relaxing," whined Shizuru as she sat back wanting to get the onsens that had the pedicure service as well.

"Don't worry about it, Neko-sensei should be coming soon," said Teme as he started to swing from the swings in the park that they had been sent to. His raven hair was slicked back into a type of spiky-hair style that was growing more common.

"Wrong, your sensei will not be joining us today," said a tall blond man with shades on as he morphed out of the peripheral vision of the trio, much to their shock. "I'll be today's entertainment while your sensei is preparing for her upcoming wedding. Right now your mission is very simple, infiltrate a base with in a small mountain where criminals are believed to be hiding. Any questions and I mean questions not bathed in stupid?"

"What would happen if we asked one," asked Teme being the smart ass that he was, but his friends covered his mouth so he wouldn't make the mistake of saying something else.

"Okay then get ready to leave," said Shenlong as he started to walk off and they released Teme's mouth.

"Why did you stop me from talking," asked Teme as he looked at his friends and then Junpei punched him on the head.

"Dude, I heard this one story about how he snuck into a base for an assassination and beat his target with his own skull," said Junpei with a dead serious scared shitless look on his face.

"That doesn't even seem physically possible," said Teme as he had a "wtf" look on his face.

"That's what he screamed as he was beaten to death," said Shizuru, her own face looked like it caught the same fear.

* * *

"Wait so you're telling me that you have a jutsu that can create doors into people's deepest secrets," asked Naruto as he looked at Ino who was talking about the Christmas Party that they were going to have because Christmas was coming soon.

"Yeah my family uses it for interrogations though it does take a lot out of us," said Ino as she noticed that everyone around her was looking at her for some form of anticipation. "Wait, don't tell me you guys want me to actually perform this jutsu so we can look at each other's secrets do you?"

"Come on why not," asked Sakura as she tried to get Ino to permit her to view the lives of others to break the norm of talking about reality television.

"Okay but there will be secrets revealed that no one will want to be revealed," warned Ino as she started to perform the jutsu and everyone noticed that the room had transformed to something like purgatory with walls of abysmal cloudy red. "Well choose a door, the closest one has the biggest secret."

"Wait the first door is Gaara's," said Naruto as he eyed the door like it was something out of a Dr. Sues book. "I mean it's Gaara, what secrets could he possibly have that is that juicy? I mean this guy has a sense of humor that is about as lively as zombies."

"I don't know but I'm finding out," said Keiji as he opened the door and then felt both the sensation of his eyes becoming as wide as dinner plates and his nose began to drip with blood. "Oh my dear god, I didn't know you and Sakura were so close and that she was so comfortable with another woman being in there with you two naked. Is this a threesome?"

"Oh I've got to see this," said both Kankuro and Jiraiya as they looked in there and both developed their own nose bleeds.

"Wait I'd know the double D's anywhere," said Jiraiya as he looked in and then stared back at Tsunade. "My god and you call me a pervert; I can't believe you were even given the position of hokage if you're doing things like this."

"If I'm such a pervert then why are you looking," asked Tsunade as she knocked all of the three the men into the wall of the purgatory area. "I had been walking from just coming from the hotsprings and I then walked out for your information."

"But I remember that night and my threesome porno was louder than usual," said Kankuro as he eyed Tsunade suspiciously and very much naughtily, which earned him a fan slap from his sister.

"I can't even believe that you'd watch that stuff," said Temari as she started to walk away and then eyed Sakura for a bit before saying, "please don't break my brother's heart."

"Don't worry, I promise that I will love Gaara-kun forever," said Sakura as she snuggled into Gaara. Sakura then spied another door that belonged to "Sai." "How about this one?"

"It's probably gonna be that's gay or something that we already know is true," said Naruto as he waved passively. "I mean any guy who talks about penises that much has got to be gay."

"Actually it's the same as Gaara's except from a different perspective," said Kiba a bit confused by it until he saw that someone was sketching in a book. "Who is the person sketching that?"

"Do you have a back door out of this," asked Sai as he whispered in Ino's ears.

"Um sorry but I think I should move away from you," said Ino as she started to back away from him.

"SAI," screamed both Sakura and Gaara in rage.

"Okay moving on to another door," said Ino as she popped open a door that was Kiba's and saw that he was eating out of a bowl that was labeled "Akamaru."

"It's not what it looks like," said Kiba as he tried to back away, but he couldn't save his reputation from it.

"So that's why Akamaru eyes his food suspiciously," teased Neko as she elbowed him in the stomach.

"Well I knew the Inuzuka shared some relations to dogs but never would I guess that," laughed Naruto as he sat back and started to laugh, but Kiba was determined to be the one with the last laugh.

"Oh yeah well this looks like your door," said Kiba as he opened Naruto's door and was greeted with the sight of Hinata in a leather outfit that looked like a corset, but it lacked a cover for her breasts, instead letting it hang out and a pair of leather underwear, all black. In her hand was a whip that was held in a black leather glove and she was motioning for Naruto to come, but before Naruto even entered the picture Kiba had shut the door. "Hinata….I…I just can't even see you as a shy girl anymore….I don't…what the hell happened?"

"I don't get into your personal life," snapped Naruto and he was hushed by Hinata clearing her throat.

"I think new can skip Hinata's door unless anyone is in the mood for bondage," said Keiji as he started to head to another door, a door that belonged to Kakashi. "I wander what deep dark secret he could have?"

Keiji, with an attentive audience behind him, opened the door to reveal Kakashi escorting a woman into a hotel, probably for a mission since she didn't have her arm around him and he didn't have his trademark book out. Then the scene showed them walking into a lobby that had a sign that seemed to peek Kakashi's interest, in fact it seemed as if the sign had left him speechless and in a state of shock and…well just shock. On the sign was written, "Welcome Yaoi-con 2000." Everyone turned to look back at Kakashi who had paled in skin, from what they could see, and had started to shake awfully.

"Those were bad memories…bad memories," said Kakashi and nobody felt like saying anything else on the matter.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26: Back Up

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters that do not belong to me exclusively.

* * *

"Man did we ever fuck that mission up and badly," gasped Junpei as he stopped running and was soon caught up by the rest of his squad, Teme coming in first followed by Shizuru. "I mean we didn't complete the mission and our squad leader is stuck in enemy territory trying to save himself from the millions of enemies who have probably captured him right now."

"Well I'm sure the whole situation was helped by your terrible aim," shouted Teme as he started to slip slowly to the floor. "I mean you couldn't even hit the wall from twenty feet away! And Shizuru, what the fuck? You were too busy backing up to do anything!"

"I am a long range thrower, I have to get some distance to use it," replied Shizuru as she turned her face away with a slight blush.

"Where were you planning to throw it from, the fucking moon," asked Junpei in a harsh, accusing tone as he spat the question out of his mouth like venom. "Any farther and you would have to mail him the kunai or use UPS or something. Anyway Teme you can't talk because you were too busy using that damn Sand Dragon technique that Neko-sensei taught us. I mean if it didn't work the first time why the hell would you do it the next thirteen times!"

"Everyone get a grip, we messed up on this mission but we should not start beating ourselves up," said Shizuru as she tried to calm her team mates down, but they were about ten seconds from beating each other up.

"Well at least I could hit my enemies!"

"Yeah the only problem was that it was the equivalent of throwing sand at them!"

Before either of them knew what was happening, they both found themselves leaning forward clutching their heads as they noticed that there was a woman standing beside them holding a paper fan. She was beautiful with soft white skin that looked a bit like snow and dirty blond hair that was tied up in different braids in a style that resembled something Oriental in nature. She was wearing a grey vest over a fish net shirt and black pants. Her eyes were like a cat's eye green that made them look like jewels. Around her neck was a Suna headband.

"Who are you," asked the boys as they stared at the new arrival. "Are you the back up?"

"Yes, I've been sit to provide my husband back up," replied the woman as she held out her hand with an innocent smile on her face. "Pleased to meet you, my name is Yuki. Is my husband around here?"

"You're husband….wait don't tell me you're Shenlong's wife," asked Junpei in shock as he tried to think of a cute woman like herself married to a grim person like Shenlong.

"That's absurd what would she see in that guy," asked Teme as he looked at Junpei like he was stupid.

"Well actually if you imagine him with wolf ears and a big tail than he's actually kawaii," said Yuki with a blush on her face.

_Something about that seems just wrong_, thought Junpei.

_She's right, but I find that just wrong for some reason_, thought Shizuru.

_I'd think it would be ruined with a thought of him as vicious wolf_, thought Teme.

"S-so then, Yuki-san, does that mean that you have a squad with you," asked Junpei as he tried to cover up the awkwardness in the conversation.

"What, no I'm here by myself," said Yuki as she started to shift her kunai pouch a bit. "Though I am Shenlong's wife and so I am able to fight when I have to."

"Yes that does seem right," said Teme before thinking inside, _we're so screwed._

* * *

"So then I guess this door must lead to Rock Lee's room," said Naruto before most everyone grabbed his arm begging for him to possibly answer the question that was disturbingly in the back of everyone's mind about Gai and Lee. "Okay then why don't we try Kankuro's door?"

"Hundred bucks it's porn," said Keiji as he opened the door and was greeted by the sight of Kankuro walking into what appeared to be a women's store with his eyes fixed onto a poster of women's panties.

"So are you getting something for your girlfriend," said a cashier at the register that Kankuro was standing at.

"What..oh yes this is for my girlfriend," said Kankuro a bit nervously as he started to move his eyes around just in case anyone he knew was around.

"Okay that will be 17.59 for the make-up and women's underwear," said the cashier and it was at that point that Kankuro had forced the door closed.

Everyone in the room was now looking at Kankuro as if he had a squid attached to his face and Kankuro was now more embarrassed than if it had been him looking at porn. Most just brushed it aside as they cleared their throats, no one wanting to say anything and then walked off leaving Gaara and Sakura to kill Sai in the corner. They came to another door marked with the name "Neiji."



"Well then let us see what Mr. serious has to hide," said Ino as she opened the door to see Neiji looking at Tenten swimming in her bathing suit and then he brought his hands up to perform a few hand signals. The veins near his eyes started to pop out, indicating that he was using his Byakugan as he stared at Tenten as she splashed her friends with water. Then, all of a sudden, there was a green flash and Neiji's eyes widened as he saw Rock Lee standing right in front of him.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! My Eyes," shouted Neiji.

"Ha ha ha ha ha, I guess you didn't expect that did you, you peeping Tom," laughed Naruto at the reddening Neiji, who then got an evil look on his mind.

**A/N: This is my most graphic and wildest lemon yet.**

"Hmm I wonder what is behind Hinata's door," said Neiji as he swung the door open for everyone to see the familiar image of Hinata dressed in her leather outfit, but this time there was Naruto tied up to his post with nothing to cover his dignity. Hinata raised her whip while Naruto looked at her with a look that was something between dread and longing and his face was something between a smile and a grimace as she brought the whip down.

"I'm sorry for not responding in the correct words Mistress Hinata," said Naruto as Hinata raised her whip another time and brought it down just the same. He was soon yelling, "thank you, beautiful Mistress Hinata, please give me another one."

"No I think it would be better for you to be on the bed for this one," said Hinata as she led him by the collar that he had around his neck and put him on the bed before performing a snack binding jutsu that she had learned from a certain purple haired Kunoichi. "Now then I hope you are ready for me because if you come before my sixth climax then I'm going to have to introduce you to my whip handle and I promise that it won't be gentle."

She got on top of Naruto, his length already hard from all the whipping that seemed to excite him ever since his punishment at the hands of Hinata and Tsunade. He started to squirm as he felt her hands on his manhood and he started to wonder how much more of this torture her pelvis was shoved roughly into his face. Without hesitation he started to lick around inside of her vagina while she toyed with him and placed a cock ring around him, preventing him from climaxing. His tongue moved masterfully through her, bringing a wave of pleasure that she had become addicted to and soon she was starting pant as she grabbed and let go of his shaft. With that he started to tip his tongue right into the spot where her special nub was and started to lick around that area driving her crazy so that it was hard to tell who was in control of the situation. She felt her peek of pleasure coming and shouted her pleasure at the top of her lungs as she came onto his tongue, sending her bittersweet nectar down into his throat as he drank greedily from her.

She then got on top of him as he tried desperately to thrust up into her as she teased his cock with her grinding against the head, but he was tied down completely and would not get out of there unless she released him. Then he gasped as he finally felt a nice wet warmth envelope him as she brought her hips down to meet her own and they were both caught into pleasure as she started to rock with him in a teasing fashion, holding her own feelings of sexual hunger at bay. When she felt like she couldn't take it she started to rock faster onto him and harder, getting him as deep within her as he possibly could and Naruto felt like he was being eaten alive.

After all those years, Hinata was still as tight in that area as well with a natural thickness that would make any man give up everything he had. She was so gorgeous as he looked at her riding his cock with her breasts bouncing as she came down, sweat falling from her very soft, smooth skin like crystals falling from the sky, and her tongue hanging out of her mouth as she panted and moaned as his treatment. Her orgasm rocked her entire body like a convulsion and she came harder than she ever had 

in her life, collapsing on top of Naruto while she removed the cock ring, knowing that his stamina had probably not held up for him against the best sex they had ever had in their lives. He shot his load of cum far deep into her, the feeling of it inside of her giving her another orgasm.

"Well it looks like you only got to introduce you to my whip," said Hinata as she kiss him on the mouth and Naruto only grinned as the door closed.

**Lemon Ends Here**

"I think that I will never look at Hinata or Naruto for that matter, in the same way again," said Keiji as he stared wide eyed into the door. "So that was the advice that Hinata wanted that one time…"

"The fact that she got advice from Anko makes me wonder a lot about you," said Shino as he looked at Hinata with a raised eyebrow and then at Neiji. "And the fact that you knew what was going to be shown and still opened the door to your cousin's secret makes me wonder about you."

"Does anyone have any other doors that they would like to look through," asked Ino as she spied Kankuro looking into her own door and blushed a bit.

"How about we go through Temari's door," asked Naruto as he opened the door and saw that she was dressed up in what appeared to be a Playboy bunny outfit sitting on the couch next to Shikamaru with a blush over her face as she crawled on top of Shikamaru.

"Just what have you been making my sister do," asked Gaara as he appeared behind Shikamaru with a very threatening expression on his face and the sand behind him was beginning to rise.

"Um maybe it's a good time to take a break," said Naruto as he and most everyone was backing away from Shikamaru while Temari stayed to try and defend him.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27: The Prison Break

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters associated with said manga/anime.

* * *

The sunset played amongst the green shrubbery as the shadows moved along the interior of the forest, using its natural green as a camouflage in order to keep away from the sight of the enemy. As they passed into the territory of the enemy they went onto radio silence so that the enemy wouldn't pick up any tracking of the radio signals on the radar. The three sat in the shade as they watched the leader move straight into the territory to take out the guards silently before they started to their own attack on the complex. The leader slowly and quietly shadowed the first guard as she pulled out a paper fan from her vest. Before the guard could turn she whacked him hard on the back of the head, sending him falling down a stairs and taking out two more guards along with him. A good hit to say the least. Then she made her way up to the next platform by use of a grapple rope and reached out to pull one of the guards that had been going to check on the mysterious grapple hook over the rail. Only one more to go and then they were home free. Slowly she started to move right behind the guard and lined her fist to the back of his neck while her foot was lined with the back of his knee. When she got close enough she kicked his knee in to take out his mobility while hitting him in the back of the neck to knock him out. This didn't work as well however.

"Oh god what the fuck was that for," shouted the guard before the leader hit him again to try and knock him out, but all she got were grunts and ramblings of swearing. "Oh god, what the fuck are you hitting me for I'm not even fighting back."

"God what the hell is she doing," whispered Junpei as he looked at the other guards who acted as if they hadn't heard a single thing of the commotion that was happening right above them.

"Do they have shitty hearing," whispered Teme before a kunai flew right past his head as the guards were alerted to their presence. "Oh yeah, you heard that! Assholes."

* * *

"So how is the prisoner coming along," said Totaku as he looked at the glass mirror to see the prisoner they had taken, a blond man with shades on, and the interrogator, who was dressed up in a Batman outfit. "I'm sorry why is he in a Batman uniform?"

"He thinks it's more intimidating when added with his interpretation of Batman," replied the orderly before looking around to see if anyone was listening. "The only problem is that no one can understand what he's saying when he does that impersonation."

"I'm sorry could you repeat that question," asked the prisoner as he looked at the person standing before him.

"Whydidyoucomehere," asked the interrogator as he tried to mimic the Batman voice, but was only able to get what sounded like guttural sounds.

"Yeah, I don't know if it's just me, but I'm not picking up…words," said the prisoner as he started to look at his interrogator oddly.

"Don'tplaygameswithme," shouted the interrogator as he punched the prisoner in the face.

"Like I don't even know if that was a question or a thought," replied Shenlong in a very calm manner despite the fact that he was at the end of his patience with the communication skills of the person in front of him. "How can anyone hear what you're saying? There is nothing in the English language that sounds like anything that you're saying. Are you speaking bat? Is that what a bat sounds like? Have you been to the doctor? I only ask because I think you have a severe case of throat cancer and it's impaired your ability to talk."

"Tellmewhatyouknow!"

"Ablubavuguva! Do you see what that sounds like? That's what you sound like! I mean I've talk to guys who've had their damn tongues cut out who make more sense than you do! Write it down on a piece of paper! Give me something! I can't understand what you're saying!"

This time, as the interrogator went to throw a punch at the prisoner, the prisoner let himself lean back far enough to fall on his back and rolled onto his feet. Before his interrogator could do anything, the prisoner who called himself Shenlong, was already forcing him into a submission hold while taking out one of the kunai in the man's pocket. The alarm sounded as guards started racing around, but only a few of them were coming for him, someone else was making an attack. The guards formed themselves into a type of net formation to try and dog pile over Shenlong, but the suna jonin easily slipped through them. As they tried to regain their footing they were all knocked out by a fury of punches and kicks from Shenlong.

"You're going to have to step up harder if you want to try anything with that," said Shenlong as he started to run, but from the loss of one eye and the direction he turned, his lack of peripheral vision caused him to not see the part of the doorway that he ran into. "Fucking sandals!"

* * *

"Come on he's got to be here somewhere," shouted Yuki as she started to run through the complex with Neko's group following. So far the kids had managed to hold their own against jonin, but their teamwork did leave something to be desired. While Junpei was a full advocate of working as team and Shizuru did try in some way to follow him, Teme decided to go lone wolf.

"According to Amaterasu, there are two squads of enemies coming this way," said Shizuru as she pointed in two directions. "She said that one squad will be taken care of by the cubs, but the other squad is going to be a problem. Also she caught Shenlong's scent, but she also caught the scent of two strong opponents."

"I leave Amaterasu to you two while I'll assist Shenlong-kun," said Yuki automatically as she started to run in the direction of Shenlong.

* * *

He didn't know if he could take the two of the opponents that he was facing right now, both very skilled in their fighting and jutsu. It might even be said that he was in over his head as he tried to keep the attackers at bay with only two kunai. So far they had been able to do a lot of damage to his already tired body and he knew that his next wounds were going to be permanent scars so he had to make sure that he was careful on which attacks he dodged. As one started to use hand seals, Shenlong charged the other one with his kunai in one hand while making hand seals with his other to create a sand shuriken to throw at the other. The attack came late as the other opponent managed to get off a lighting attack that managed to leave a deep cut up Shenlong's arm.

The other opponents were also wounded from the hits that Shenlong had managed to get on them, but they were still in a lot better shape than he was. If he had a sword or something he could even the playing field for better odds, but right now he was alone with no signs of help. The next jutsu that came at his was a kanton no jutsu that he managed to dodge, but it set him up for a vicious kick to the stomach that sent him to the ground. He got back up and started to use a water technique to create a dragon out of the blood that was spilt. That forced the attackers to split up in order to dodge it and he could tell that they were surprised that he was still able to use some jutsus. He wanted to take out at least one for his lord so he cornered one of the jounin and trapped him in a sand coffin. He caught the scent of the jounin coming in from his side, but he knew he would be too late to stop it.

"Oh no you don't," cried a female voice as a blond woman with green eyes and a vest over a fishnet shirt jumped out and kicked the enemy jounin into the wall. "Don't worry we're here to get you out of here, just leave the rest to us."

"All that's left are these two," said Shenlong before he looked back at the jonin he had in his sand coffin. "Sand burial."

"I thought there would be more guards from the amount of food supplies that we found," said Yuki as she looked at him and he just pointed to the piles of bodies in the hallway.

"I've been busy," he said before collapsing on the ground.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28: Why wolves never throw Halloween parties.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or other characters of said manga.

* * *

Now as we last left off Naruto and his friends were getting ready to have a Christmas party, but one thing that I never did tell you about was Halloween or thanksgiving. Now due to the fact that only few people can give a crap or two about Thanksgiving, I'm not going to tell about that story unless it is absolutely demanded of me by over ten people. Right now I will give you the story of what went on during the crazy time of Halloween and give you the explanation to a question I was asked by a reader on what Shenlong's favorite holiday is. I hope that this will give you exactly the answer you are looking for.

**

* * *

**

Now then getting into the story

Naruto and friends were all seated around the table enjoying the breakfast that was in front of them as their get together to celebrate the birthday of Anko, who was born on the twenty fourth of October. It was something that was required because she was not only the wife of one of the top jonins of Konoha, but she was also one of the top Jonins in Konoha and the only one that was as feared as ibiki was. It was customary for the group to celebrate each other's birthdays with a birthday breakfast and a birthday dinner that would be very much like a party. Gaara was visiting on business for a meeting to discuss recent issues and as always he was accompanied by Shenlong, who was never in a different country without his wife by his side. This was not only something made mandatory by him, but also by the elders of Suna who saw Yuki as the holder of his leash.

"Well then it is good to see that you two are getting along better," said Naruto as he looked at Shenlong and his father both talking to each other casually without the air of tension that once settled over the two.

"I buried the past so there is no longer any misgivings between the two of us," replied Shenlong as he sipped his coffee and then looked at the paper while his wife pulled out a package and placed it right beside him.

"Oh is that the preset you two got for Anko," asked Naruto as he grabbed the package only to have his hand hit with a wooden spoon. "Ow, that didn't break the skin or really do that much damage but ow."

"That's for Shenlong, I had a hard time finding him a birthday present," scolded Yuki as she began to tap her hand with the wooden spoon.

"Which reminds me, we have to have these two decide on where they want their birthday to be," said Gaara as he looked at the two, while most of the table stared in shock at Shenlong.

"Today is Shenlong's birthday," gasped Keiji as he had never known when Shenlong celebrated his birthday.

"Shenlong has a birthday," gasped Kiba, who had never known that Shenlong even celebrated a birthday. The rest of the party just turned to look at Kiba, who had only begun to realize what he had just said and started to blush.

"Now that we've had our daily dose of stupid, yes it is my birthday today," said Shenlong as he started to write in the crossword puzzle. "Thank you dear."

Just at that moment Tsunade burst into the room, her breath was very labored, indicating that she may have had to run a long distance and her clothes were slightly ruffled which was a dangerous game with her chest size and shirt. There was a paper still stuck to her forehead, probably got attached there from her sleeping on her desk so they could tell that she had urgency. Her eyes were dead locked onto Shenlong, which caused the group to all turn their eyes once more to the mysterious and sometimes stoic wolf ninja. Whatever she needed him for was probably the equivalent of sending someone to Ibiki, there was nothing good that could happen to anyone who participated in his games. Actually the exception was for people who paid for the game, but Shenlong was often a wild card in the deck.

"How would you like to be in charge of the Halloween festivities in Konoha," asked Tsunade as soon as the H left her mouth, Temari and Kankuro broke out into violent tremors. "What? Did I say something wrong?"

"You'll have to forgive them, I have some horror to my own name," replied Shenlong with a bit of a grin on his face, the grin that would send shivers down even Orochimaru's spine. "You do realize that the Elders are bound to be pissed off if they don't get a heart attack from the events that I have planned in this twisted mind of mine."

"They apparently didn't like the last one, said it wasn't scary enough, well now I'll show those old farts what's scary," declared Tsunade as she smashed her fist into the table, causing those with pancakes (CHouji, Naruto, Kiba, Shino, and Sai) to be hit with a plate full of pancakes. "Whoops sorry about that I seemed to have forgotten my own strength…anyways I need you to put together a Halloween celebration so terrifying that no one will ever come to me complaining about that."

"Um…Tsunade…I'm Hokage," said Naruto as he started to wipe his face off. "Why would you be concerning yourself with what the Elders have problems with?"

"Someone didn't teach you everything about the politics did they," replied Tsunade as she started to sit back. "I've been stuck with that duty for so long ever since Kurenai got knocked up and all I hear is this complaining from the men about how women can't scare right. This is the last time I do this and I want to scare those sexist bastards to a heart attack."

"Oh you have just got to do it Shenlong," cried Sakura as she banged her fist on the table and sent the pancakes back up to give their owners another syrupy kiss. "I guess I've got that power problem too….anyway you have just got to do it to scare those men and then let a woman be known for throwing the most horrifying Halloween celebration in Konoha."

"Yeah do it for women," cheered every woman at the table.

"Sorry, not enough incentive," said Shenlong before Yuki leaned over to whisper in his ear. "Okay then I'll do it, but I need complete cooperation from everyone I decide I want to be a part of it and the ability to do whatever I want to do. This will be confined to one place; I'm thinking a place with a history of violence like the Uchiha mansion or Keiji's mansion. Then I'll need a copy of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis."

"What the hell is that," asked Tsunade as she eyed weirdly like Shenlong had just sprouted alien antenna from his head with cute little butterfly wings on his back.

"The Book of Dead Names, containing the names of the Old Ones and a means to bring them back," replied Shenlong as he started to wash his plate with something very odd impressed into his pants. "It's been written many ways, including being bound by human flesh and inked in blood."

"Do you think we even carry that in the library," asked Tsunade as she slapped her forehead. "Oh, gee, where would I find this book, maybe in the kid section?"

"I guess I can use my copy but be noted that I'm taking it out of its protective case," said Shenlong as he started to walk out the door with a mysterious furry thing poking out of his left pant leg.

"Does anyone know what that is or do we even want to know," asked Naruto as he looked at it.

* * *

The days passed by with anticipation for the most elaborately made haunted house in the history of a hidden village and few people even knew every single detail with a secrecy being kept that would make any Hokage envious. Anyone who worked on the project only did partial things and wasn't involved in full production leaving that work to Shenlong who was about as silent about the project as a corpse is to the weather. Even the people who didn't get into scary things were curious about the haunted house because of the talk that was spreading around town as well as the sometimes strange objects that would pass through the town to the Uchiha Mansion. To add onto the mystery was the dwindling appearance of Shenlong who now seemed to have more oddities about his appearance with the inclusion of a fedora hat that he wore at all times. Every time when his wife was asked about she would reply that he was planning to reveal it when the time for Halloween came.

It was a cold and windy day when it came with a strange cloudy sky that cast gloom and dread all over Konoha, the perfect Halloween night to unveil a new haunted house on. Even jounin from the other hidden villages had come with the exception of the Rock nation that refused to go as long as Minato was there. Naruto was ready at the long crimson ribbon that was in front of the door way with the eager Tsunade right next to him as well as his wife on the other side. The only person to not show up was Shenlong himself, who had not been seen the whole day, presumably to keep the mystery of his big reveal to everyone. It was getting to be 6:00 P.M. when he finally arrived dressed in a very odd fashion of only a black vest and pants, but even odder was the fluffy tail that was behind him and the cute wolf ears on him. The shades had been removed to show off his red wolf eyes to everyone as he started to get up to the podium to address everyone.

"For years it has always been that wolves would only be observers in Halloween, but never would we be performers," spoke Shenlong in a loud barking voice that seemed to give people tremors. "This haunted house that stands behind me will make everything you have seen before look like a kiddy carnival and you will all see horror as you have never imagined before being displayed in this place. As a predator I pull no punches and this house will reflect that as I consider every last person who enters this place to be my prey. Instead of telling you the process and how hard it was to make something of this magnitude I will instead let this speak for itself. Before I let the Hokage cut the rope, I'd like to recite a piece from the Necronomicon:

_'That is dead which can eternal lie, _

_And with many strange aeons even death may die.'" _

He then turned around to give Naruto a look to cut the rope and then proceeded to walk into the haunted house as Naruto proceeded to follow with Tsunade. As they entered the home they noticed that the doors proceeded to shut behind them and their host was nowhere to be found, leaving them stuck in the entry room that had an oppressive cold air to it that felt like the icy breath of a corpse. Immediately there was the presence of something sinister, something that felt like the presence of chaos, death, destruction, pain, suffering, and bleeding. Naruto was the first to walk further to find that as soon as he stepped into the other room he found that he was staring at a strange chamber room made of an odd black marble that had a strange feel from it, a sensation that made him feel uncomfortable. Then he started to hear a series of wet footsteps on the stone that were coming closer to him prompting him to go into defensive mode until he could see that there were wet footprints on the marble.

In fear, Naruto ran back only to find that the way was not there anymore as he saw that a tentacle was shooting out as he tried to struggle to get away. Even more shocking was that he noticed that something was moving out of a body of water, a very dreadful squid head with multiple feelers peering out. Naruto lashed out, but he found that even his power was no match for the many tentacles that were grabbing his arm and legs to drag him into the water with the creature that grabbed him.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29: Halloween Pt. 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters from said manga, though original characters are my intellectual property.

* * *

Shenlong sat in front of the Uchiha mansion, an estate that was being used for one of the most haunting and chilling haunted houses known to man. Beside him was his wife and his lord, Godaime Kazekage, both staring oddly at the number of people who left the haunted house in a quivering mass of terror, even the toughest jounin. The only person not to come out of that house in fear was not surprisingly Ibiki, a fact that made some people more frightened of him, but Shenlong knew that he wasn't scared because he had helped built it. Of course he was probably more afraid than he looked, but Shenlong was actually glad that Ibiki wasn't scared because if he was scared then people might avoid the house since it could exceed the limit of people who saw it. Outside of the mansion was the wife of his semi-godson, since he was given that title by the Yondaime, even going so far as to put it in official records.

"Naruto has not come back, something must be wrong," said Gaara as he looked at the worried expression on Hinata's face and then saw that Tsunade was finally putting herself together after her experience.

"We were separated in the mansion so it could be that he's lost somewhere inside of there," said Tsunade as she took very short breathes and then finally picked up a cup of sake.

"I'm sure it's not that serious for the Rokudaime Hokage," argued Shenlong as he sat back and then noticed the look he was getting from Yuki, a look that told him that he should show some more concern. "Look the only way it could be done is if Cthullu was raised and I have not done anything to do so, I just mentioned the one verse in the Necronomicon that talks about it."

"What if someone accidentally read something that did it," piped up a voice from behind his chair and he sighed before holding his hand out.

"Whatever you read from, hand it over here, Neko," ordered Shenlong in a rather calm voice as he was given the piece of paper and read it, burning it up after reading it. "Okay so I guess Naruto is in some form of trouble, but I know exactly how to send this thing back to its home of R'yleh."

"You promised you would never dabble in such things," said Gaara as he started to get on a dark look at Shenlong who started to feel a bit uncomfortable. "You remember what happened when you left the scriptures for the dead in your study and Neko read it?"

"Not only that but then there was the time you developed the plant grower that made plants become vicious mutants," reminded Yuki as she pulled out a paper fan while her husband started to stroke his chin.

"No I have no recollection of any of that," said Shenlong before he was smacked on the back of the head by the paper fan, causing him to fall face first into his tea. "What, it's not like any of it was my fault. I just found some things and other people blundered and did them. I have never practiced any of these rituals or summoned the dead."

"This matter must be dealt with immediately," ordered Gaara as he motioned his hand in the direction of the haunted mansion, that an unearthly evil now resided.

"As you wish, but I would advise that no one go into the place until I leave," said Shenlong as he started to walk towards the mansion with a book in hand and his sword strapped to his back.

"I'll go along as well to insure that Konoha will throw a shit fit," said Kankuro as he followed him into the house along with Neiji, who was going at the request of his cousin.

* * *

Nightmare worlds are something that we hope never in our life time to even glimpse because they are the most visually disturbing images that we can imagine come to life. Those who see them are forever haunted by the chill that runs down their spine as they are forever twisted into another realm of the sick and depraved. Those who live in it are driven insane by their own screams as all symbols of security and warmth are ripped away from them and left into a darkness that they will never escape from. That was the world in which Neiji and Kankuro were thrust into, a world that was as twisted as the worst nightmares of the man who had made the haunted house. The three stepped down the stairs to the basement and reached a long corridor that seemed like a simple grey hall that seemed innocent enough. As soon as Neiji took a step close to the corridor, a row of hands popped out of the ground, all white and mangled with long, dirty fingernails that looked like horrendous claws.

"What the hell were you trying to do with this," asked Neiji as he stepped back with wide eyes as Shenlong stepped forward and blew fire onto the hands and arms that were reaching out to him. "How the hell do you do any of this? It doesn't even seem physically possible!"

"Well I simply found some ways to summon the hands of the dead, but it's basically harmless," said Shenlong as he started to walk casually and then pulled out his sword before motioning the other two to follow. "It's not hard to do, a lot of forbidden jutsu has this as a common thing so I don't see how you find any of this physically impossible."

"And I was a bit worried about you before," mumbled Neiji as he followed Kankuro and found that there was a large drop that seemed to lead nowhere in the middle of a large room. Near the edge of the drop was Shenlong looking down there with the sword raised while he tossed the book to Kankuro and readied himself for a jump into the unknown.

"Read the scriptures while I try and buy some time," said Shenlong before jumping into the darkness with his sword stabbing down and soon after they came a large roar from some unknown demonic monstrosity that was conjured from the most darkest of shadows.

Then, out of the shadows, there came out many tentacles that moved around, thrashing around violently and then a strange squid like head popped out of the hole with Shenlong on top of its head, appearing to be pulling Naruto out of its head. Neiji was at a loss for words along with Kankuro, both being just terrified of the thing that had pulled itself from the hole. Finally they were able to gain at least some semblance of conscious thought that gave them clearance enough to open the book and start to read the scriptures. The words illuminated a red as Neiji and Kankuro spoke the words aloud and the large creature began to howl in pain as a tentacle grabbed Shenlong in its slimy grip, flailing him around like a dog with a chew-toy. Naruto was lucky enough to be left alone as he slowly regained consciousness from being swallowed by that thing and saw that his godfather was being tossed around like a ragdoll with one limb attached to a bull.

"Don't worry I'll save you from there," cried Naruto as he started to gather chakra into his hands and jumped up to cut at the tentacle that held Shenlong.

"Thanks," said Shenlong in a rather muffled voice for, unfortunately, he had fallen right into a slimy puss that had spurted out of the creature's stump.

"It's going back down the hole," gasped Neiji as he saw the creature slide through the hole like it was being pushed through there by some unseen force. "What do we do to get it down there before it grabs us?"

"Oh that's simple,' said Shenlong as he looked at the page that they were on and leaned forward into Neiji's ear to give him the secret to stopping mighty Cthullu. "Read…..FASTER!"

Though Neiji's eardrums were close to bleeding, he started to read as fast as he could while Kankuro did the same and as they did this, Cthullu was pulled even further into the hole. When they came to the last words, Cthullu roared one final roar before it fell into the darkness that once spawned it and the hole started to seal itself, as if the missing stone was re-growing, finally filling the hole completely to leave no traces of Cthullu's emergence. Konoha, the fire country, and the world, were all safe from the dark reign of Cthullu.

"Well I guess I should let others in," said Shenlong as he started to walk towards the hallway, only to find an angry Tsunade, Gaara, Yuki, and Hinata there waiting for him.

"You're not getting through this door," said Tsunade in a very low voice, the kind used by a murderer to his victim.

"Oh so I can leave through another door, thank you," said Shenlong as he started to run through a hidden door, the two Kages and jounin following close behind.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 21: He's gone Insane…..Again!

Disclaimer: The author of this particular story does not own the rights to any of the established characters who are originally from Naruto, but does respectfully borrow them for the purpose of using them for a hilarious story that is in no way for a profit. Also this author has finally gotten off his lazy ass to do something and would like to apologize to all his friends. He has written a very long apology, but quite frankly that apology is too long so as not to waste my time or yours, though I could give less of a damn about your time, I'll just say he's very sorry. This is another fic in the spirit of Halloween….even though he already wrote one. Yes he is running out of ideas.

Author's note: Screw you disclaimer writer. And I am sorry for not writing this sooner.

Keiji slept peacefully in his comfy bed that felt all the more comfortable because he wasn't paying for it thanks to his putting the bill under Suna's name. Of course later down the line Shenlong would probably be doing tax edits and find his terrible spending habits, but that would be months later and he'd make sure to be far away when that whole ordeal went down. He chuckled in his sleep as he subconsciously yet somehow consciously thought of it. Don't ask how…he just did. God if it wasn't for having a child he'd light up a thick cigar even though the ash would probably burn into the covers, fall on his skin or eyes or there was the possibility that Anko would try to use the cigar for kinky sex. All of sudden the idea was becoming much better in his head.

Unfortunately, Anko wasn't as much feeling in the mood for sex as she was for Keiji getting his ass out of bed before he missed breakfast. If he missed breakfast he'd bitch about someone not waking him up for it like he constantly did when eh slept in. The pants were obviously worn by Anko in this family. She tapped her foot as she waited for either him to wake up or for lightning to fly into the room and strike him on the ass. _He's lucky I don't dump his ass in the bath tub and turn on the cold water_," thought Anko as she looked at him,, her eyes widening as they began to fill with a chilling mischievousness that never meant anything good for anyone who it was cast on. Least of all, the one who was lying on the bed so innocently. _"Sorry honey, but you look so helpless and cute lying there that I just can't resist." _

Naruto woke up a bit later than he usually did, but he had to be excused for spending a late night taking care of the paper work that seemed to be piling up on him so much that they had to have it delivered to the hotel they were staying at. His hand ached from having to sign his name a million times and his eyes were out of focused from having to peer over document after document to remember everything. This was far from the life that he thought he was going to lead as Hokage, but then again, he should have figured it out after watching Baa-sama do it for years. Stretching out his body a bit he turned his head back to look at the beautiful Hyuuga heiress who was still lying in bed spread out under the sheets, her swollen belly bulging under the covers, she looked too cute, even when she was pregnant. He smiled as he remembered how fortunate he was to get where he was after so many had fallen behind in misery. Turning towards the door he sneaked quietly to get some breakfast for her so he could have breakfast in bed with his wife. As soon as he opened the door, however, a fist came flying through, smashing into his face and sending him back into the wall on the opposite side of the room.

"Hokage or not, you are still forbidden to call me that word," warned Tsunade, her fist still raised in the air where it had come into contact with Naruto's face.

"But I didn't even say that it was just a thought," exclaimed Naruto as he stroked his chin, Kyuubi powers or not that hurt like hell.

"I can sense when you are thinking those things like Neko can sense when Kiba is having perverted thoughts," shot back Tsunade as she crossed her arms under her massive chest and stormed off.

"Hey I do not think perverted things," shouted Kiba from across the hall before he was bonked on the head with a pillow.

"Then why the hell were you just thinking about her chest," asked Neko with a very warning look in her eyes, she had learned well from her mentor in looking menacing.

"Would you all please stop shouting, Hinata-chan is trying to rest," shouted Naruto to everyone outside, despite the fact that he was causing as much noise if not more than the others. To everyone's great surprise she was still asleep.

"Wow is she deaf or something," asked Junpei as he looked intot eh room only to be hit by a gentle fist right between the eye, instant KO.

"Winner and new champion," was all Naruto could say as he saw the odd incident. "Okay, who wants breakfast?"

Naruto walked down stairs to the small hotel dining room, since it was set up to be more of a summer home than a traditional hotel. He was still stroking the pain in his jaw from the impressive right hook Tsunade had given him. At her age it was amazing that she had still got it. He looked right into the doorway and found that many of the Suna nins had been seated save for Keiji and it looked like Team Gai had already taken a seat. He couldn't help but notice that Shenlong was also not present.

"Hey where is Shenlong," asked Naruto as he looked around the room, the holiday décor adding a nice touch to a warm home feeling.

"He's cooking and it seems to be taking him a long time," whined Kankuro as he rubbed his stomach. "What is he cooking people back there and has to kill them? It's been like two hours since he started cooking?"

At that moment there was a loud scream that rang out throughout the house and everyone jumped in fright as they heard it. The scream came from Keiji that much was certain, and the most chilling bit was that it had all come from one direction the kitchen. Eyes widened as the sounds of sizzling meat could be heard in time with further groans of pain that seemed to echo through the house. A sickening snap of bone crept through the door and stomachs immediately turned upside down in their bodies.

"He couldn't be…could he," asked Temari as she looked at the door, she was carefully putting distance between her and the door.

"Well…he has always been…kind of crazy," gulped Kankuro as he also started moving away from the door. "You don't think that he might have…"

"Who might have done what now," asked Shenlong as he burst through the doors carrying a large platter of bacon and another strange brown meat that the others didn't dare question of its origin. "Now if you'll excuse me I have a few errands to run."

"And these errands would entail just what," asked Neko as she eyed her mentor questioningly.

"Pay it no mind, I take my leave," said Shenlong rather dismissively and in a rather distant tone that didn't seem very much like his usual self which had a cocky edge to it. Another thing strange about him was that he wasn't wearing his usual shades, but a pair of very dark goggles that made seeing his eyes from any angle impossible. He left without saying another word, leaving nothing but a trail of grim menace in his wake.

"He's gone psycho…again," warned Kiba, before he was whacked by another pillow.

"I am not wearing that outfit you're thinking of," warned Ten-ten.

"And just what outfit is that," asked Neiji and Neko simultaneously.

* * *

The streets were lined with holiday decorations and tiny little electric lights that flashed bright festive colors that warmed the soul from the cold air. It wasn't too cold either, it was that nice chill that made you wrap yourself snugly in warm clothing or a warm blanket, melting into a feeling of serenity that would keep you in a tender embrace. There were plastic little reindeer on almost every store window, but all of it was wasted on the tall blonde that stalked the streets in a long black trenchcoat that dragged a little in the snow. His black boots never seemed to sink into the snow like others, in fact it was almost like he was walking on the air above the snow, mixing with his already dark demeaner tp give him an ominous appearance. This did nothing to quiet the worry in Naruto and his friends as they trailed the man. Naruto didn't want to jump to conclusions knowing what it was like to be judged as a monster for something that wasn't your fault, but at the same time he couldn't just let this go unnoticed for if it were true then there was no telling what horrors awaited him and his friends. Kiba was disguised as one of the clerks in the cigar store knowing that Shenlong was an avid smoker, despite the fact that his wife forbid it. He had to smoke on missions which did not go over well with his superiors who hated his cocky attitude that seemed to get more and more unbearable with each sucessful mission. Some were waiting for the day when someone wiped that smirk off his face, but the day that happened would probably be when Shenlong got in over his head, something that was very dangerous for a ninja.

"Okay, I'm in position," said Kiba over his secret microphone that was hidden in his collar. One of his cigars happened to be laced with knock-out gas so that when Shenlong smoked it he would be rendered unconscious. It was a good thing few people knew abotu his addiction because it was one of his fatal weaknesses, the need to smoke cigars. "The turd is nearing the punchbowl, he's just passed the rectum and is now dangling."

"Oh dear god that is gross," exclaimed Tenten who was one the other side of the comm. "Who the hell came up with this ecret message?"

"Probably dickless," said Sai on his end as he continued drawing in his sketchbook, sitting outside of Hinata's room. He had been given security details for her.

"That is dickless-sama to you," shot Naruto before a blush crept up to his face as he realized what he had just said. "No I mean that is Hokage-sama to you and don't you forget it before I have you busted down to toilet duties!"

"My apologies, i just couldn't help that habit," replied Sai as he continued his work.

Gaara furrowed hsi eyebrows as a thought came to mind. He turned to Naruto and asked, "Why did you give Sai escort duties for Hinata? She is somewhat moody this morning and with his social skills he would be the last person for this job."

"Two words, Gaara," said naruto. "Payback is a bitch."

"That's four," replied Gaara without any hint of emotion to his voice.

"You get the idea!"

"We have a turd in the punchbowl," whispered Kiba over his comm as he watched SHenlong look at the cigars in their cigars laced with knockout toxins were specialy wrapped and in one of the goldplated boxes that were used for special cigars to make them all the more put on his best friendly voice as he attempted to act his part. "Excuse me sir would you like to look at our specials today?"

"What do you have," asked Shenlong, his voice more raspy than normal.

"Oh you know, a special cigar," said kiba who knew nothing about cigars except that the best ones were usually Cuban. "Would you like a free sample?"

"No one gives free samples of Cubans," said Shenlong as he reached over and picked a frightened Kiba up by the collar. Normally Kiba would have wrenched himself out of the grasp and started a fight because he wasn't exactly a push over, but something about his tone, the strength of his grip, and the way his fangs were out in the open cowed Kiba.

"Look all I know is that they're special," cried Kiba as he tried to struggle out."I swear to god!"

"Swear to me," growled Shenlong as he started to shake Kiba only to have Kiba slip out of his disuise and disapear. "What the hell?"

* * *

"Okay so that didn't go too well," declared Kankuro as he sat at the makeshift war table in the Starbucks.

"That was complete failure," stated Neiji as he looked at the cowering Kiba in the corner who was being comforted by Tenten.

"He was goign to rape me," cried Kiba, shivering under the blanket that had been givent o him.

"I doubt that, but yeah that does give me an idea," said Kankuro as he snapped his fingers. "But we're going to have to borrow Tenten for this."

"Why her," asked Neiji defensively.

"We need a honey pot and Shenlong has been around Temari for so long he probably would have expressed some interest in hitting that a while ago. Besides, she's my sister."

"Why not Ino," asked Naruto as he looked around. None of the girls were there, thankfully.

"She couldn't seduce a desperate virgin at Comic-Con," replied Neiji who had once been on the receiving end of her "charm." "Besides, she's way too shallow for Shenlong to be interested in and the man is very faithfuly, let's not forget that. Sakura might be more suited because she has a good head on her shoulders and has a more supportive nature to her. Easy enough tog et close for whatever you're planning."

"But she has no boobs, she is completely flatchested," retorted Kankuro as he leaned over the table. "I mean zero, rackless, she probably would have to borrow Ino's beasts to breast feed her own baby."

"Don't you talk like that, at least she doesn't by cheap make-up," spat Naruto.

"This is not cheap," hot Kankuro as he pointed ot his face paint before he realized what he just revealed. "Oh fuck you, at least I'm not gay for SaasUKE and living a lie!"

"Okay, ew he's like my brother, secondly, I'm getting some unlike you who has to watch hours of porn and jack off! Do you even have any feeling in your right hand because I think it's about to fall off!"

"Naruto, Kankuro, shut the hell up this serious," snapped Sasuke who had been sitting at the table and getting pissed off with every passing second. "We already have Sakura trying to trick him into sedation or have you forgotten that?"

"Oh yeah, well how long has it been," asked Naruto as he looked at his watch.

"About an hour or two," said Kakashi, much to the shock of everyone else because they hadn't even recognized that he was there. "Is everyone forgetting about me?"

"You blend in with the background," replied Juubei as he drank his hot chocolate. "Shouldn't she be back by now."

"Don't worry, worst case scenario, her cover's blown and he's raping her senselessly before he cuts up her body and serves it as wolf chow," said Kakashi, continuing to read his book. Everyone's eyes had become as wide as dinner plates, including Kiba who had grown faint at the word "rape." "What I said worst case scenario."

"I'm going after her," declared Sasuke as he got up, slamming his coffee on the table. It sprayed out and hot droplets spilled over onto Shikamaru's lap, across the table.

"Ah what the fuck," cursed Shikamaru as he had just been woken up from a nap.

* * *

The gang had not expected to find Shenlong with most of the other women picking out gifts in Bed Bath and Beyond, his shopping cart filled with scented candles and pillows. When they found him he was contemplating buying a massage chair, setting Sakura in it to test out the chair. She began to moan at the pleasurable sensation on her back, but it looked odd to the ninja behind SHnelong who only Sakura making noises with Shenlong looming over her. Sasuke jumped up to deliver an attack to Shenlong but was blocked by Naruto who indicated for him to wait a second.

"Shenlong, what are you doing," asked Naruto, his voice and tone very nuetral.

"Oh i'm just having Sakura test out this chair for me," replied SHenlong as he turned around revealing himself to be very much innocent of dirty intentions.

"Did you kill Keiji and serve him to us for breakfast," asked Naruto outright, deciding to get the matter out of the air.

"What, no i did no such thing," replied Shenlong as he looked honestly shocked. "I don't know why he made those noises this morning, but I just assumed Anko was topping as usual."

"Ha that was the case," said Anko as she walked out dragging a very much roughend Keiji, who had one hand on his back. "I tried waking him up this morning by pouring cold water on him and he jumped out of the tub knocking me over. Well that pissed me off and I just couldn't let him get away."

"So you're the vicious monster we've been chasing," asked Kankuro as he pointed a finger. He then started podnering why Junpei was whistling the funeral march.

"Dead man walking," muttered Kakashi as he turned the page in his book.

"Vicious monster, huh," said Anko as she towered over Kankuro, a very scary look on her face that Kankuro found oddly arousing. "Perhpas you'd like to see how monstrous I can be?"

"Holy crap," said kankuro, though his words didn't match his tone as it was without emotion, as if he didn't know what else to say.

As Anko was killing Kankuro, Hinata walked in alone, a bit of a blush on her face as she walked over to naruto and whispered, "I think my water just broke."

"Oh my god we got to get you to a hospital," said Naruto as he picked her up bridal style. "By the way, where did Sai go?"

* * *

**Earlier**

Hinata was quiet as she walked next to Sai, knowing that though he spoke impolitely he didn't know any better and she hoped that she could be patient with him. Unfortunately that wasn't happening.

"So Blindy, Naruto tells me you were weird when you were little," said Sai in his casual tone.

"Blindy," asked hinata, not gtting the reference being made about ehr eyes.

"So is his penis really that small," asked Sai as he turned to look at her.

"What no, I really am too embarrassed to look but it doesn't f-f-ee-l small," stuttered Hinata as she started to push her fingers together as she normally did.

"So you haven't seen a penis?"

"Not exactly..."

"Want to?"

And that was that.

* * *

Author's notes: i have completely forgotten the story I had planned so any plot points that should be ended before this story is over should be told me, specifically ones you care about and I will tyr to do that if I feel like it. Also, this chapter isn't as good as it was in my head, but I hope you enjoyed it. My other fics are a lot better written than this, the more recent ones...actually I should start deleting some stories so go check out the others and tell em which ones you want to save.


	31. Final Chapter

Final Chapter: The Best Gift of All

Author's note: You might know that this fic got out of hand with plot threads quickly and I lost my muse so long ago and I've been getting back enough to finish this saga. I've lost a lot of my original fans along the way and if you are reading this thank you for being with me for this long drive, it's been exhausting for us both. This might not be the best written fan fic I've ever done but it has been the most insane one and I'm still glad I did this, I hope it made you laugh. There will be no disclaimer, I think you all know I own nothing but Shenlong and Keiji and their offspring.

Naruto: Now without further ado, the end ladies and gentlemen, the end.

"How bad is it doc," asked Kakashi as he looked at Shizune who came out of the surgery room with blood stains on her surgeon's apron.

"Call me doc again and you're next on the operation table," threatened Shizune as she took of her surgeon's mask. "He suffered multiple abrasions to the right arm, several cracked ribs, internal bleeding, tissue damage on a molecular level, we found a sandal in his ass, serious bruising along the spinal column, and a cracked skull."

"Wait who are we talking about?"

"Sai, you did come to see Sai right," asked Shizune as she looked at Kakashi as if he had a horn growing out of his head.

"No I came to see Hinata, she's in labor right now," replied Kakashi as he looked around to see that no one else was there. "Wait, where is everyone?"

"Kakashi, how the fuck did you not notice that no one was here," asked Shizune before she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as she answered her own question. "You were reading porn this whole time weren't you?"

"I couldn't help it, it was a new novel," replied Kakashi as he scratched the back of his head, embarrassed that he had forgotten where the child of one of his pupils was being born. He didn't know Sai that well or at least know anything besides the fact that he was socially challenged in a big way. "You don't mind pointing me in the right way do you?"

"Just shut up and follow me," replied Shizune as she pulled Kakashi by ear to the labor wing.

Sweat rolled down Tsunade's brow as she waited for Hinata to push through the labor pains and found that the demonic nature of the child might bring some problems, especially with one as powerful as the spawn of the nine tailed fox. A worried look went on most of the other doctor's faces, except for Shenlong who wore the same expressionless face that he always did, the kind that was text book symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia. Shenlong had very little training in medical training but he had what counted the most when birthing demon-human hybrids, the ability to take a lot of damage. Plus he was able to heal himself, making him the most expendable causality since any damage would heal itself unless serious. If that happened Keiji was on standby to take Shenlong's place as well as Shizune waiting for to heal anyone hurt or injured. There was definitely going to be some blood tonight and to think, it was Christmas Eve.

Outside, Naruto was throwing a shit fit, waiting for the chance to see his wife and worrying about the fact that there were armed guards inside the room not for her safety but for the safety of everyone else. What the hell did that mean? It had been two days since Hinata's water broke and he had endured hours of torment of hearing her pained groans in the other room, it took a lot to keep him restrained. It didn't help when after 50 hours a large crashing sound was heard and there were sounds of people screaming. If not for Gaara using his sand to keep his legs from moving and Keiji, Rock Lee, Gai, Neiji, and Sasuke holding him in place. There was somewhat of a window into the other room but it was intentionally blurred leaving things very vague to the eye. He could see a few people shaking, some running from a long object that might have been a...a tentacle?

"Is Kakashi trying one of his perverted fantasies again," asked Naruto before he heard coughing from behind him. Standing was a not amused Kakashi with a chuckling Shizune. "Sorry I just couldn't be sure how perverted you were."

"Says the boy who tried to see Temari naked," retorted Kakashi as he continued to read his book.

"You tried to see Temari naked," gaped Shikamaru as he looked at someone whom he had called friend...or annoying-loud-person-I-guess-I'd-hang-out-with. "What the hell man?"

"That was soooo long ago, I hadn't even known Hinata liked me back then," protested Naruto as a blush spread across his face. At that moment a very battered Shenlong hit the window of the door and was dragged across it for a few seconds before being pulled back. "That was weird...but that was so long ago and you weren't even putting the moves on her!"

"Putting the moves on me, please, you think he has the will or effort to do any of that," laughed Temari in her chair, laughing her ass off as if they were at a comedy club and not at a hospital in a very unfunny moment, save for Shenlong being killed in the next room like a natural thing. "I asked him out, chose the places for dates, got him to pay and do stuff, hell I actually had to dress him to go on our first date, and our second, he surprised me on the third date by actually dressing himself."

"Temari I don't think we should be airing our dirty laundry out here," said Shikamaru as he was getting embarrassed by Temari revealing how bitched he was.

"I have to do everything during sex, the only thing good about it is he has a long hard cock. I mean sometimes i wondered if I married a child."

"You should watch who you're calling a child, Temari," said Shikamaru, not wanting to be fully cut down in size. "Because if I'm a child, do you know what that makes you? A pedophile and I'm going to be damned if I'm going to sit here and be lectured by a pervert."

"Okay what the fuck guys," shouted Shenlong as he limped out of the door with a crutch covered in deep cuts and bruises and very serious wounds. Neko immediately jumped behind Kiba because he looked like a zombie. "I was screaming the safety word for over four hours. My throat is hoarse, I feel pain in every part of my body, I've seen things no man should ever see, and I was almost eaten by my godson's wife's vagina! What the fuck is that shit? Do none of you assholes come in and help? Noooo! Shenlong can fix it. Shenlong can fix everything! That's bullshit! Keiji get your ass in there and help them!"

"Wait I didn't sign up to die," exclaimed Keiji as he clutched onto Anko for support.

"Well it's a bitch, but like George Washington said James Madinson, tag you're it,"said Shenlong as he lit a cigar only for Shizune to pull it out of his mouth, toss it on the ground and point to the no smoking sign. "Freackin' commies."

"Well he did say you were it," replied Anko with a mischevious smirk as she shoved Keiji into the room. "Don't go cheating on me while you're in there or else what's left of you will be sleeping on the couch."

"Hey, wait, there is an observation area for that room upstairs with the glass window and everything," said Shizune.

"Shizune why didn't you mention that before," asked Naruto flustered by the lack of information being given to him. He immediately rushed up to the room, followed by everyone in the room, all of them crowding the screen.

On display was a scene of chaos and order, with doctors doing everything they could to help Hinata give birth and then there was Keiji being dragged across the walls and floors of the hospital with barely any effort by the unborn child. This kid was definately going to be handful. It was odd for Naruto see such things coming out of his wife's most intimate place or it would be if he wasn't looking out fo rher safety at that moment. The others waved at Keiji as he pleaded for his life, pleaded for help and deliverance, but most wouldn't dare go in there even they did have to. They'd wait until the little bundle of chaos was born. There were other signs of labor, but then suddenly, the baby started to come out. The baby left the womb right before Keiji could successfully gnaw his legs off to escape.

* * *

"That was something I would not want to relive," said Keiji as chugged down the beer that Shenlong had given him after everyone was allowed to come in to see Hinata and the baby. "By the way, who brings beer to a hospital?"

"Someone who knows what exactly we're dealing with," repleid Shenlong as he popped the top off of his own bottle. "Plus this beer has been in the fridge long and it will go flat if I don't drink it soon."

"Yeah i'm sure that's the reason and not that you're a raging alcoholic," replied Keiji with a smirk before he felt a hand pinch his ass.

"Just drink up, you're going to need it tonight," said Anko as she cut his cheek and licked up the blood. "Afterall, seeing you get the shit kicked out of you really turned me on."

"Back to something important, Naruto what do you plan on naming the kid," asked Shenlong as he drained the bottle of beer and popped himself another one. "Also, boy or girl?"

"It's a boy, i've said that thirty times now," replied Naruto as he eyed Keiji suspiciously and wondered how many of those beers had he been having. "Are you drunk or something?"

"I'm not drunk, I'm just tired from getting my ass handed to me by a not even born child and drinking. So are you going to name him after me or me and Mr. T combined or the offspring that might occur if there was a way for Mr. T and I to...non-gayly progenate?"

"You are drunk and at my kid's birth," exclaimed a shocked and disturbed Naruto by the mental images Shenlong had just given him. "What the hell kind of Godfather are you? And what is with you and this man crush on Mr. T?"

"Shut up fool," said Shenlong before slapping Naruto so hard he lost his hand. "Aw shit and it's my right hand! That was my squeezing hand! Why my squeezing hand? Why?"

"Okay...I've decided to name my child Minato, after my father, but I'm hoping that you two will treat him just like you treated me as a godson," said Naruto before looking at Shenlong. "Except maybe better in your case."

"This is clearly a discrimination against the Irish," declared Shenlong who was in no way Irish.

"I might have made a mistake in picking you as a godfather," said Minato as he looked at his once enemy, now somewhat friend from the doorway and saw his son hug his newborn child and his wife. It reminded him of another couple caught in a brief moment as a tear slid down his cheek. "I'm proud of you, son, I'm prou of you."

"Hey did you know it was actually officially Chrismas morning when he was born," said Sakura as she grinned at her old team mate and life long friend and his new happy family.

"I think this is the best Christmas present I've ever received," said Naruto as he smiled and snuggled close to his wife and looked down at his child. "And I'm glad i'm spending the best Christmas of my life with my friends."

The End

* * *

So Review as always, and have a happy christmas.


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